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ChapterTwenty-One
I couldn’t settle down, much less fall asleep, knowing Alex was in danger. He’d assured me he’d be fine, that Nelu wouldn’t hurt him, but there was a nervous jangling in my gut that told me otherwise. One way or another, Alex was in danger, and none of Tatum’s reassurances could convince me otherwise.
Despite the late hour, I stayed up with the television on in the living room to keep the silence from suffocating me. Tatum remained with me until I finally persuaded him to go to bed. There was no reason for both of us to lose sleep. After swearing to him that I wouldn’t leave the apartment for any reason, he finally took me up on my offer and padded off into one of the spare bedrooms.
I squeaked in relief when I heard the click of the lock on the front door. Jumping off the sofa, I rushed to the entrance and threw myself onto Alex the instant he walked in, peppering him with kisses. Relief coursed through my veins at finding him in one piece.
That was…until I saw his face. It was stark. For a moment, I thought someone had died, and I supposed that was what had happened.
“What is it?” I asked, helping him out of his damp coat and dragging his stiff, reluctant body to the sofa. Tatum stormed out of the bedroom, probably woken up by our voices. Alex gave him a chin lift and then nodded toward the door. His friend stared at him for a long moment, but Alex shook his head and muttered, “Tomorrow.” Without another word, Tatum walked barefoot to the front door. There was the swishing sound of the door closing and the subsequent snick of the bolt engaging.
Taking off his shoes, because that’s generally what he did when he came home, I placed them in the hallway closet and returned to Alex’s side. His head was tilted back against the top of the sofa, eyes squeezed closed as if he was fighting off a nightmare.
Taking a seat beside him, I gently took his hand in mine and waited.
After a few long moments, his eyes flashed open and fixed on me. His irises embodied fiery flames of green. Grabbing me by the waist, he swooped me onto his lap. I straddled him, laying my chest against his. His heartbeat pounded against my own. As he often did, Alex nuzzled my throat the way I loved. Whenever he sought comfort in me like that, it turned my insides to mush.
“Fuck, Nina.”
“What happened? Is Stegan okay? Is he alive?”
“Yeah, he’ll live,” he murmured into my throat, taking a taste of me before pulling away.
Silently, he stared at me. Again, his eyes were bleak. Inconsolable. Panic rose inside my chest, my throat cinching, tighter and tighter.
“Jeez, you’re scaring me, Alex.”
“He wanted my life for Stegan’s,” he blurted out and then shook his head. “I mean, the only way to save Stegan’s life was for me to marry Nelu’s daughter. It’s what he’d been going for all along, and he pounced on this regrettable incident to force me into it.”
My first reaction was relief because, for an instant, I’d thought Alex meant he was going to die. Then he clarified, and my heart sank. Dreams of happiness and everything precious burned away between those few words he’d spoken, leaving behind rubble and ash.
Not a whiff of hope remained.
Despair set in, deep in my bones.
I could do nothing but stare back at him. My brain was a jumble of conflicting thoughts, my heart a battlefield of warring emotions, but eventually, everything weaved together into one prevailing fact: it was over between us. It didn’t matter that we loved each other. We hadn’t used those three little words, but they weren’t needed, because I knew this man. I knew his heart, and there was no doubt in my mind that he cared for me. Deeply. The agony I read in his eyes was real, and the regret churning in his green gaze wasn’t only for me. It was for himself as well.
I’d had a taste of paradise, but the aftertaste of being tossed out of Eden was harshly bitter.
“Fuck, Nina, it was psychological slaughter, and the only thing that keeps me from imploding is you. I understand that you’re disappointed—”
“More like torn apart,” I interrupted.
“You must hate me. You should hate me,” he bit out.
I shook my head, tears rolling down my cheeks. “I don’t,” I said firmly. “Part of what I love about you is your loyalty and your desire to do right by everyone. You’re willing to sacrifice yourself for Stegan. You know it’s the only option. Even if you had entertained the idea of turning him over, I would’ve never allowed it.”
His hand cupped my cheek. His expression was bleak, cheeks hollow and clenched jaw jutting out. He twisted his head away, as if it was too painful to look at me, and I understood. “I’ve betrayed you for my family. If it were only me…”
“No,” I intoned. “You took care of someone who you’ve sworn to protect. You’re the only man between Stegan and death. Death. A man’s life depends on you. If there had been any other choice, you would’ve taken it. You wouldn’t have agreed to Nelu’s demand.”
I bit down on the inside of my cheek to stifle the whimper of despair, but I wouldn’t add to his misery. I’d never seen him so stripped down before. No walls between us. No mask he could hide behind. His heartache was bare for me to see. Alex felt responsible for what had happened. He’d see this as his failure. Even with my own heart bleeding out, I only wanted to comfort him.
He bent over me, his thumb glancing over my bottom lip.
“You don’t know what that pouty lip does to me. The way it constantly teases me,” he confessed.
Under his riveted focus, I couldn’t help but lick it, flicking over his thumb in the process.
