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“Bachelor Cassius James spotted at club with not one, but two women under his arms. The pictures are doozies. Those James brothers really know how to play hard.”
I shake my head. I don’t want to see the pictures, but I need to see them. This is good, I remind myself. He’s moving on and so am I. It’s exactly what should happen. What needs to happen.
Why, if it’s so good, do I feel like I’m going to be sick? Probably the mix of vodka, tequila, champagne, and red and white wine from the day before doesn’t help.
The reminder has me running to the bathroom.
After a few minutes, I feel Tessa’s hand taking my hair and rubbing my back in circles. Unfortunately, nothing is coming out. “So this is rock bottom,” I mutter into the white bowl.
Tessa chuckles and lets out a long breath. “Oh babe, you know how it is with these things. It’s just pictures. He probably didn’t sleep with them.”
Them.
Not just one, but two. The idea does the job, and I release all the alcohol from the night before.
We don’t make it to brunch. I can’t bear the idea of facing the public or our friends, and even if I hadn’t seen the pictures of Cash with two beautiful, tall, young, gorgeous women, strolling out of the club and getting into a car together, I still would not have been able to move off my couch due to my hangover.
But I did see the pictures. And now I can’t stop imagining how his night ended.
Is he currently lying in bed with both of them? Exploring their bodies?
This is all too much. And it makes no sense. I wasn’t this upset finding out my husband was sleeping with his secretary. A man I was with for eight years. I’ve only known Cash for a couple of weeks. This is beyond pathetic.
Honestly, it’s better that it happened this way. If this is how I feel now, I can’t even imagine what would have happened if we had actually dated. Who wants to feel this kind of attraction, this insane jealousy and chemistry, with someone? It brings you to your knees. Who the hell wants that?
I’ve always prided myself on being a professional, on putting my needs, my career, first. Remaining detached.
I apparently did such a good job at feeling that way that I didn’t even flinch when Steven left me. I was prepared.
But this, this feeling, it’s enraging. I want to down a bottle of NyQuil and sleep until it passes.
“Get up,” Tessa says, pulling the cozy blanket off me. “You need to shower and then we are going to dinner.”
“Tessa, I love you, but I can’t. I just can’t.”
She smiles sadly at me. “And that’s exactly why you have to. I know you’ve been through a lot lately, and this entire thing is totally unfair. But babe, this is dating. Men seem like they are one thing, and you have a good weekend, maybe even a few insane months, and then it falls apart. Sometimes for good reason, and sometimes for no reason at all. And you gotta brush your knees off, get up, and try again.”
I huff. “But why? Why do I have to try again? I don’t even want to date. I wasn’t looking for anything. And then I found it.”
She squeezes my hand as her red hair falls in front of her face. How does she look so beautiful after the disaster of a night we had? I look like death. I’m sure of it.
“You think you found it. Babe, if I called you every time I had an amazing weekend with a guy that I thought was going to lead to something…well, we’d have had a hell of a lot more of these days than you could imagine.”
I can’t imagine that she ever felt what I felt for Cash and let it go. But I don’t want to transpose my feelings onto her. If she says she’s felt this before, perhaps she has. Maybe she’s just stronger than I am.
“So how do you know when it’s real?” I ask in a whisper. Because I really thought this was.
She shakes her head and shrugs her shoulders as a lone tear trails her cheek. “Got me. I’ve thought it plenty of times and then when the relationship got tested in the real world, or with time, it just”—she pauses, sucking in a breath—“falls apart. But that doesn’t mean I don’t believe that one day it will happen. Or it won’t. That’s okay too. I have a good life and so do you. And like I said last night, if we don’t find our happily ever afters we can always get married to each other.”
She winks at me, and I laugh through my tears. “Fine, but you have to promise that we can have kids.”
“Oh, babe, we will have the cutest kids. Can you even imagine? Your good looks, my charm.”
I roll my eyes. “You do realize we can’t combine our DNA, weirdo.”
She raises her eyebrow. “Oh fuck, it’s totally nurture over nature. I refuse to believe that you are anything like your mother. You are all Marion—glorious, perfect Marion. So if she could make you like this,” Tessa says as she motions to me like I’m a freaking board on Wheel of Fortune, “then I know we could make our kids like us.”
Reaching over, I pull Tessa into my arms, hugging her fiercely. “You’re my best friend.”
