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“I wanted to talk to you about something before I head out.”
She leans back against the pillows and rolls to her side, one hand tucked beneath her head. She looks like a small child lying there.
“What?”
Sliding a chair closer to the bed, I take a seat, resting my elbows on my knees and dangling my hands between my spread legs.
“The doctor said you’ll be ready to be released soon.” As soon as I say the word released, the fatigue leaves her face, and she springs up in bed, her frightened eyes snapping to the door like she’s worried someone will come through it any minute and kick her out.
“Hey, hey!” I call. Her scared gaze clashes with mine. “Nothing is going to happen to you.”
Her eyes close tightly, and she shakes her head rapidly. “I can’t… I don’t…” She stops, and I can see the fucking shakes start in her body. She’s so damn terrified to be out on her own. For her not to remember what happened to her and still be so terrified is very telling.
Her chest is pumping up and down in short bursts, and I know she’s on the verge of a panic attack. I reach out and grab her clammy hand, knowing it’ll pull her attention away from wherever she’s gone in her head.
The minute my hand touches hers, her rapid breathing ceases. She actually stops breathing altogether and opens her eyes. She looks down at my hand over hers, and I’m pleased when she doesn’t flinch or pull her hand away from the contact. Her brows pull down into a frown then she looks up at me.
Once I have her attention, I repeat quietly, “Nothing is going to happen to you. I promise.”
She takes in my words and the silent force behind them. Sensing my promise from the look on my face, she takes a deep breath and nods once.
“I want you to think about something after I leave.” She nods again. “I know you have nowhere to go. So…” I squeeze her hand lightly. “How do you feel about coming to stay with me until we figure out if you have someone looking for you?”
I fully expect her to refuse the offer from the start and to have to explain why it’s a good idea. Surprisingly, I see the wheels turning in her head as she thinks it over. Not getting an immediate no is a good sign. Thinking about this strong but vulnerable woman out on the streets or being stuffed into a crowded homeless shelter doesn’t sit right with me. She doesn’t belong in either of those situations.
“You don’t have to answer now.” I release her hand and stand. “Just think it over. I’ll be back in a couple of days, and you can give me your answer then.”
She’s breathing normally once again, and the color is back in her cheeks. Her pending nervous breakdown from before has passed and is once again replaced with tiredness. Knowing she needs rest, I take a step back from her bed.
“Rest. I’ll be back in a couple of days.”
She doesn’t say anything as I turn around and make my way to the door. Just as I’m passing through the threshold, her softly spoken one word stops me.
“Yes.”
I turn back to find her eyes on me. She still appears unsure of her answer, but a hint of determination hides there as well.
“You’ll be safe with me, Doe,” I reassure her.
Shocking me, she says, “I know.”
After giving her a smile and a chin lift, I turn back and leave her room.
As I make my way out of the hospital, I ask myself what in the hell did I think I was doing. The last thing I need is to bring her home. My plate is already full with Aislin’s case, Rebecca’s, the other cases at work, and now finding out what happened to Doe. Adding on caring for her at home is something I don’t need right now.
But it feels right; as if it’s something I not only want to do for a friend, but also something I need to do. Knowing she trusts me enough to allow herself to be alone with me on a daily basis solidifies that need because I know she hasn’t given that trust to anyone else, not even her doctors or nurses.
My steps are lighter than what they were when I first arrived a couple of hours ago, the anger and bitterness gone. But I know it’s only a matter of time before it seeps back inside, waiting to dig its claws in.
