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“What do you mean?” she whispered.
“I mean that I adore those two girls out there, and I care about you. Let me share the workload. Let me help you take care of them. Raise them. I won’t ask for anything in return. It can be a non-physical reunion. We’ll sleep in separate rooms, or I can make a home in the root cellar outside. Whatever makes you most comfortable. And if you’re married, Calle won’t be able to ‘do the right thing’ since you will already be taken.”
She sagged against the counter as a long, overwhelmed breath escaped her lungs. “A spiritual marriage?” She shook her head, still overwhelmed by disbelief. “Joel, you are my dear friend. I cannot possibly take your life away. And…you are a man. You will be unsatisfied in such a marriage.”
“I want to give my life to you,” he said in a quiet, husky voice. Sincerity lay in his eyes. So full of hope and promise. “And to those girls.”
“Why? You don’t have to do the right thing by Calle. We are not your responsibility.”
He reached past her to unlatch the window, and together they gazed out at her laughing children as they lifted their heads to the sky and caught the snowflakes on their tongues. She couldn’t keep up with life’s demands. Chopping wood for firewood. Keeping her daughters fed. Maintaining the house. Selling her wares. It was all too much for a single mother. They would sooner freeze or starve.
She needed help, true. She was not too proud to admit as much. But Joel’s? How could she ask something so big of him?
After a minute, he answered, “Like I said, I care about you. Besides, my nana has been hounding me to find a wife. I think this arrangement would satisfy her.”
Not able to help herself, her mouth twitched again as a sliver of hope blossomed in her soul. “Your nana would travel a hundred miles just to deliver us a fresh-baked pie. She’d be all too happy with the union.”
“So…” He bit his lip. “Is that a yes?”
Maisy and Eva drew her attention again to the small yard with their laughter. If she married Joel, he would be Maisy’s third father and Eva’s second. To say she would be embarrassed by it was an understatement.
She settled on another truth. “I don’t deserve it.”
“Look at me, Nyana.” When she didn’t, he moved to put himself in her line of sight. He lifted his hands as if to touch her but dropped them just as quickly. “You have been through so much in the past six years. You deserve it more than anyone. If anything, I don’t deserve you. You are so good. Too good for this world.”
Her eyes smarted at his kind words. She blinked rapidly to push away the gnawing emotion. “I’m not sure I feel the same. You have no idea…the unspeakable horrors Liam put us through.” Put me through. But her throat closed around the words.
His throat bobbed as he swallowed, and his tortured expression told her he grasped her meaning. Kind green eyes gazed at her with…not pity, not sympathy. Just…sadness.
Exhaustion once again pressed heavily on her shoulders. She glanced away. “The only kindness I have ever known was…” Calle. Her throat closed up around his name as well. “We had planned to marry. I see now that it was foolish to lie with him, though I will never regret Maisy. But we were in love, and he promised me marriage. I learned I was with child only a couple weeks later. I had planned to tell him after the summer solstice after Liam had chosen his bride. But…Liam sold Calle into slavery and forced me to marry him soon after. It was not a happy marriage. It was…” Now her throat closed up completely, refusing to say the words.
“Listen to me,” he whispered, and just the tenderness of his voice threatened tears to her eyes. She refused to let them spill. “What happened was not your fault. Liam’s actions were his own. Not yours.”
A breath shuddered out of her as she remembered the times Liam had cornered her like a mouse with nowhere to hide. The times when he’d beaten her. The times he’d tossed around her children.
At the thought of them, her resolve wavered. She trusted Joel with every fiber of her being. He would provide and protect with love and care. She could only do so much on her own.
She wrung her apron between her hands as nervousness and uncertainty led her actions. “I can’t possibly ask so much of you.” Especially because marriage was a very permanent decision.
He shook his head and offered an adorable half-smile. “You aren’t asking. I’m offering. Just think of all of Nana’s delicious pies we would share.”
She shook her head ruefully and glanced at the mess he called a dessert sitting on the table. “Well, if your offer comes with pie…” Her expression softened with immense gratitude. Joel might not just be saving them from cold, hunger, and misery, but he would also be saving Calle’s upcoming marriage. “I accept if my girls do.” She blinked back unshed tears. “I can’t thank you enough, Joel.”
The way his entire expression lit up made her want to accept again.
He poked his head out the window. “Maisy! Eva!”
“Joel!” Maisy squealed as she spun in a circle amidst the falling snow. “There’s almost enough snow to make snow angels! Come play with us.”
“Just today? Or forever?”
“Forever!” she cried while Eva smiled and clapped once.
Nyana rolled her eyes and shook her head in amusement as Joel poked his head back inside. Snow clung to his eyelashes and the sweep of his brown hair. His green eyes twinkled with merriment.
“I meant to ask them later. Before bed.”
He shook the snow from his hair with his fingertips, his smile growing larger with each passing moment. “No better time than the present. You heard the girls. Forever.”
