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Chapter Ten
I was in this state of numb, rejected despair when Joey threw himself on my feet and begged me to love him.
It could feel good, after all. To be adored. Even by someone so reprehensible.
He’d finally learned shame. I could use that to my advantage. Mold him into the perfect “slave,” as he said.
Go back to using someone for their body and nothing more.
But whenever I considered that, looking at his desperate face, I knew I’d never be happy unless I was looking into the face of someone else.
Someone who didn’t need molding. Someone good, decent, and honest.
A woman unlike any person I’d ever met before. Who had made me realize all the good I could really do, the person I could really be.
For instance, I could be merciful. “Joey, I know you need help. I’ve known it for a long time. I want to help you. But I can’t love you.”
He cried, wrapping his arms around my waist. I stroked his hair and gently told him to seek a therapist, because he wouldn’t find what he was seeking with me, or with anyone else. Not when he still hated himself.
In this position, with him messily sobbing at my waist, who else but Hilde Klunt would walk into my kitchen.
Joey, the fool, must have left my front door unlocked. Hilde stared at us with a painful train of expressions and emotions crossing her face at a thousand miles an hour. Without saying anything, she turned and left.
I pushed Joey onto the floor and said, “I’m about to do the kindest thing in the world for you. I’m calling your brother, the only person who really does love you, despite how horribly you treat him.”
Once I’d called Rob to tell him to come pick up Joey, I rushed out of my house.
Which way had she gone down the street? If her car was parked close, she’d already be gone, and I in my selfishness did not know where she lived, so I couldn’t follow her. I’d never asked, even though I’d underwritten the loan for the house.
I could still see her. Sunshine brightening her golden hair.
I could hear her crying as she reached her car.
I made it over to her in only a few seconds, putting my hand on hers to keep it from opening the car. She looked up to me in shock.
I erupted into an explanation, “He came over to ask me to marry him. I haven’t seen him in two years. I don’t love him, and I never did. He’s not a good person. You are a good person. You are the best person. I love you, Hilde, and if you’ll love me, I’ll do my best to deserve you.”
She looked at me with those wide, beautiful eyes, then back at her hand on the car handle, then back to me. Her tears, which had paused while I spoke, burst forth again.
She cried, “I’m the one who doesn’t deserve you! You kissed me so gently and made me feel wonderful, you make me feel so wonderful all the time, Anya, and then I was a coward and ran from you!”
She fell into my waiting arms. I held her and kissed her hair and her face as she cried.
She continued, “I love you, too. I didn’t understand it for so long, but you’re so generous and brave and confident, how could anyone help but love you? So I came over to tell you that I love you, and I want to be with you, but then he was there and I thought I had missed my chance!”
I soothed her, “No, never. As long as you give me a hundred second chances to do right by you, I’ll always be yours. I love you, Hilde Klunt.”
She couldn’t stop crying, but now she was laughing and smiling through the tears. “I love you, Anya Talova.”
Then I kissed her. We got into her car.
She asked, “Where should we go?”
I said, “Your house. I’m going to teach you all the wonderful pleasures of monogamy.”
We drove, and I continued our lessons far into the night and into the morning, with breaks for laughter, naps, and cuddling.
