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Nine
One month later…
Francesca stared out the window of the townhouse she now called home. The room she occupied would be the nursery. She had decided to spend some time in the room to help her decide how she would like to renovate it. They had to have it completed before the baby was born. So much had happened in such a short time. It was almost too much for her to wrap her mind around.
Matthew had said all the right things in front of her parents, but still she had doubts. How could she not? He’d treated her terribly and suddenly he declared his love? She wanted to believe him, she did, but she still kept a part of herself back. As if she were afraid if she went all in with him she’d only end up a shell of herself. She wanted to make things work with Matthew. She wanted that more than anything.
If not for herself, then for her unborn child. She was now over four months along, and in five short months she’d have a baby. One that would need both parents to be there for him or her. If she couldn’t get past her misgivings what kind of life would that be for her child? What kind of life would that be for either of them? She had to be certain once and for all. The problem was she had no idea of what it would take for her to believe in him.
“Cesca,” Mathew called out.
She should go find him, and have a discussion. If she didn’t tell him how she was feeling and how her uncertainty plagued her, then how could she expect any changes. She was married and had a baby on the way. If there was ever a time for her to be a mature, grown woman, it was now. “I’m in here,” she hollered.
Mathew strolled into the room with a large box in his hand. “I know you wanted to wait a little bit before we bought anything…” He held the box up. “But I saw this and couldn’t help myself.”
“What is it?” She tilted her head. It was a rather large box and she was surprised that he hadn’t asked a servant to carry it up the stairs. It looked heavy too.
He set the box down. It was more of a crate really. He pried the wooden top off and gestured for her to come over. “Look,” he told her.
Inside the box was a small mahogany wooden horse with a leather saddle on it. The horse’s legs were settled on curved wooden pieces similar to what might be on a sled. “A rocking horse?” The baby wouldn’t be able to use it for some time. Why had he rushed to purchase it?
“When the babe is old enough it can sit on it and rock like it’s riding a horse. Isn’t it great?” There was such an expression of happiness on his face… It was breathtaking. Such a simple thing gave him joy. “I know this probably doesn’t seem like much to you,” he began. “But I didn’t have anything like this as a boy. I want my child to know how much we want him or her. I need to be a good father.”
Her heart ached. How could she doubt him when he did wonderful things like this? He continued to surprise her all the time. “It’s wonderful,” she told him. “I don’t doubt you will be the best father you can be.”
“You don’t?” He blew out a breath. “At least one of us has faith in me.”
“You should be kinder to yourself. The baby isn’t here yet and you already think you might not be what he or she needs. There will plenty of things for us to worry about as our child grows. Your ability to be a father isn’t something we need to concern ourselves with.”
“I don’t think it is that easy,” he told her. “But I’ll try to relax.” He shook his head and closed his eyes, then took several deep breaths. He visibly calmed, but that didn’t mean some of that anxiety wasn’t still inside of him.
“That’s all you can do,” she told him. Francesca did love him even when he had been a fool. She looked around the room. “Perhaps that can be our theme.”
“What?” he said in a confused tone. “My lack of faith in myself?”
She laughed. “No silly,” she told him and then pointed at the horse. “That can be. We can have the furniture made with horses in mind. Have them engraved in the woodwork. Maybe have a mural of horses painted on one of the walls.”
“I like that,” he said. “I am certain that whatever you decide will be perfect though. I cannot wait to see it when it is finished.” His hair was a little ruffled and he had a dreamy expression on his face. He looked like a man in love with his wife and content with his lot in life.
She went over to him and wrapped her arms around his waist and leaned against him. He hugged her and kissed the top of her head. “I love you,” he said.
It wasn’t a shock as much as it had been in the past to hear him say the words. She was growing more and more accustomed to hearing them from him. Maybe she didn’t have to tell him about her doubts. They might be already starting to dissipate. Over time she would grow to trust him more. This was all new and uncertainty should be expected. Shouldn’t it?
“I love you too,” she told him. She lifted her head and he leaned down to press his lips to hers. It was a soft kiss that spoke of their feelings for each other. Francesca decided her reservations could wait for another today. For now she intended to enjoy being with Matthew.
Mathew satat his desk in his study going over his accounts. He had even more of a reason to ensure his estates remained solvent. Now that he had a family to consider he was being extra careful. Nothing meant more to him than Francesca and their unborn child. The past several months had seemed as if they’d taken forever. He made sure to tell her how much she meant to him every single day, and any day their family would include a new addition. He couldn’t wait for their baby to be born.
He wasn’t a fool. Matthew knew she still had doubts. The only thing he knew to do was tell her and show her when he could how much he adored her. Beyond that he had no clue what to do. How could he make her realize he would always love her? He wasn’t sure she’d fully accept he loved her, and that wasn’t a good sign for their marriage. It was his fault of course. He’d been a right arse from the start. Even the way he’d seduced her and abandoned her hadn’t set a good precedent. He didn’t blame her for her misgivings. Honestly, he'd have been surprised if she didn’t have any at all.
He sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. What the hell should he do. They had been married for five months now. She was due to have their babe in less than a month.
“You look horrible,” a man said from the doorway to his study. “Does marriage not agree with you?”
“Hampstead,” Goodland greeted his oldest friend. “Why are you here?”
“Can a man not visit one of his closest friends without having a reason?” He lifted a brow. “You wound me.” The Earl of Hampstead placed his hand over his chest. “How are you really?”
“I’m all right.” He pasted a smile on his face. “I’m worried about Francesca. The babe is due soon and she’s grown more and more miserable as each day passes.”
