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His body is heavy. I try to push up, to knock him off, but I'm not strong enough. He presses harder against me. My lungs can't suck in air. "I can't breathe. Stop."
A hand slides along my thigh and cups my butt cheek. He squeezes.
I whimper. "Get off me!" I struggle to move, but he's so much bigger than I am. So much stronger. He's crushing me. I need to get out. "Get off me!"
His jeans rub against me; I can feel him. His hand grips the edge of my underwear. He pulls at it. I whimper again.
"No. No. No," I sob. My breath is caught. There's no air left.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" my grandmother shouts.
He scrambles off of me. The pressure on my chest releases but I'm still gasping for air.
"Get the fuck out of my house!" She follows him out of the apartment to the stairs. "You little piece of shit! I trusted you!"
I hear muffled words behind the closed door. Followed by a thumping so loud it's like he's jumping down the stairs to escape. Then there's silence. I remain balled up on the carpet that has burned my knees and my elbows. I cry until all the air is gone.
My grandmother doesn't return. I only know she's dead at the bottom of the stairs when I hear my mother scream hours later. I still haven't moved.
"Lana?"
I open my eyes. The lights are on. I'm on the floor with my knees pulled up into me, my arms holding them tight.
Grant is crouched in front of me. My eyes flit around wildly. His face. The open door.
He gently sets a hand on my shoulder.
"Don't touch me!" I scream and push him back. He stumbles to his feet. "Don't fucking touch me!"
Brendan is standing within the doorframe. His face hard and unreadable.
I stand. "Just don't touch me," I cry again. Grant holds his hands up, giving me space.
I bolt toward the door. Brendan backs away to allow me room to pass him.
Lance is in the hall. He flattens against the wall as I race by him.
"Lana!" I hear Ashton holler from farther down the corridor. I run up the stairs just as I hear her say, "Let me do this."
My feet can't move fast enough. Sobs fight to crawl out of my throat. I feel like I'm going to explode. I weave through the Court, branches scraping my arms. My feet stumble over uneven cobblestones. I don't stop until I'm released on the other side of the girls' dorm and sprint across the field.
I jump down to the cliff and fall to my knees on the rough surface. I slam my fist into it over and over again. I can't feel the pain, even when my skin splits and blood paints the stone. I choke on the cries that finally claw their way out from within my chest.
I lift my head and scream. The scream comes from somewhere so deep, so buried, I feel it in the deepest hollows of my soul. It extends across the water until it reaches the setting sun, where every last horrific shriek is captured and dragged down it into the darkness. And then it's gone. My demons are swept away with the wind.
I collapse.
My head falls upon a lap. Strong arms wrap comfort me in my weakness. I'm enveloped by the warmth of her body protecting me. She rocks me, consoling. Absorbing my pain and making it her own.
"I'm sorry for what happened to you," she says in my ear. "For what he did to you." Because she knows. "I scream out his name too sometimes."
The name she screams may be different than mine. But he's still the same person. The one who didn't hear us say no. Who made me start punching first. The one who took away my beliefs. And then cast my curse upon me.
"I trusted you," my grandmother's final words. And that trust killed her.
One day, Thaylina caught sight of the green cloak fluttering in the breeze as it darted between the trees. She followed it into the forest, her dagger strapped to thigh. The huntress snuck up upon the beast disguised as a man as he lulled a woman with a sultry song.
Ashton walks me back to the dorm. She won't let go of my hand, even though I keep promising her that I'm better. And I do feel better. Everyone really does need a screaming spot.
