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After breathing in and out slowly through his nose, he closes my binder and directs his attention to me. "I've read a lot about you. I know why you're here. But I don't feel like I really know you. You hide behind sarcasm and shocking candor. But I am here ... for you. Whenever you need me. I hope that you know that whatever you say to me is between us. Unless, of course, it puts you or someone else in danger. You can let me see you, Lana."
I don't respond. I know he's sincere about every word he just said. But I don't know if I'm ready to be that honest.
A half hour later, with my course schedule in hand, I leave Mr. Garner in need of Prozac and a shot of whiskey. I'm only taking three classes, but considering it's summer, it sucks. Predictably, they're the classes I did the worst in at Sherling High: chemistry, American government and French.
The first hidden message is waiting for me as I pass the birch forest and spot the red ribbon tied to the swing. And because no one else has made their mark on the back of the note, I know I'm the first to see it.
L is picking us up at 1:00. If anyone needs more time, leave a note.
Lance leaves his ? mark as a signature. The strategy behind the symbols is that if the box is ever discovered, we don't want anyone to know who it belongs to, so we each mark the note with our symbol upon sending and receiving it. I take out the marker and draw [?] on the back, indicating I've read it.
After showering and dressing for class, I grab a Mountain Dew and a bag of popcorn chips as my breakfast substitute, since I didn't have time to get to the Great Hall. Then I'm off to chemistry, the class I'm scheduled to attend on Mondays and Wednesdays. I have to use Sophia's buildings map to figure out where it's located, and end up running into a few dead-ends on my journey through the Court. One of them being a strange garden filled with marble statues. I come to an abrupt stop, feeling like I've stepped onto a stage and am standing in the spotlight. Except my audience is a bunch of creepy statues in various stages of fracturing, arranged in curved rows. I back away and turn at the last minute, feeling like one of them might start walking after me. I practically run back to the path I was on before I made the wrong turn. I'm never going to get used to this place.
Eventually, I find the entrance to the science building--two Greek-style marble pillars that are at least ten feet tall, with tangles of ivy crawling up them.
The interior is similar to every other building I've been in, except the stairs are covered in a navy blue rug and the walls are decorated with abstract geometric art. From what I can see at a glance, the Quiet Room on the first floor is reminiscent of a study room in a library with rows of tables lined with small lamps. On the other side of the foyer, where our dining hall is, are closed doors with nameplates on them.
There are only three students in this class when I arrive. And that's all there is, just the four of us. We're given tablets during class that recognizes us with our thumbprint. And for the next hour and a half, I try not to fall asleep face first onto my desk.
When we're finally excused, I'm overcome with a burst of energy, like it's been dormant and just waiting to be set free. And my mouth and cheeks battle to let that stupid smile emerge in anticipation of seeing Grant.
I stop by the Great Hall and grab a lunch to-go so I can get ready for the party. While I sort through my clothes, I try to talk myself out of this absurd excitement. Whatever's overtaking my entire being at just the thought of him needs to go away. I want control back, especially of my own emotions.
Lily's waiting in a silver Lexus SUV in the drive after we check out to leave for the day. Her hair is a silken sheet of blonde held back by a thick coral headband, making her look even more sophisticated than she does naturally. It's a style I've never been able to pull off because my hair refuses to be tamed no matter what products or straightening irons I use. I have mine twisted into a side bun to keep it contained.
When we arrive, people are spread out everywhere. Stefan's cabin has the more traditional feel of logs and beams with a giant stone fireplace and a wrap-around upper level with bedroom doors off of it. It's big and open and easy to navigate, mostly because it's one giant room with the exception of the kitchen and dining area, but even the entries leading to them are wide and expansive.
Just about everyone is outside, for good reason. This house is on a hill overlooking the lake with a huge backyard and a set of wooden stairs between it and a private beach. The first thing I think when I see it is that it reminds me of a playground. There are people playing corn hole, lawn darts, football and bocce spread out all over the grass, and sand volleyball on the beach. It's kind of a ridiculous setup, especially when I notice the trampoline floating on the water with people jumping on it or bouncing off into the water.
The scent of barbecue fills the air as a guy turns food over on two huge black grills. Music is blasting through speakers on the wrap-around porch. It's so much different from Lily's party. It's playful and filled with laughter and shouts of sportsmanship. There's nothing pretentious here.
"Let's get a drink," Lily suggests, leading the way back into the kitchen before I can linger too long, scanning the faces. I think I'm doing okay not thinking about him until I finally admit that I've never really stopped. It doesn't mean I like what's going on inside of me, but maybe I'll get over it eventually.
"Lemonade?" Lily offers, holding up a glass pitcher. "Do you want me to add v
odka to it?"
"Sure," I reply. She hands it to me after she dumps in a shot. "Thanks." I take a sip and nearly spit it back out.
"What's wrong?"
"I think it already had vodka mixed in," I say with a body-shuddering cringe.
"Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry," Lily says, biting her lower lip. "Do you want to dump it?"
"No, it's okay. I'll add ice. Maybe it'll water it down a little." I scoop some ice out of a bucket in the freezer and drop it in my cup. I try to stomach a couple more sips until the initial shuddering reaction goes away. It doesn't take long before there's an intense swirling in my head.
Brendan and Lance disappeared pretty much as soon as we arrived, so Lily, Ashton and I stand on the porch and take in the mayhem of lawn games before us. And that's when I see him, playing football with a bunch of guys and girls, most running around shirtless or in bikini tops and bare feet. He's one of the few with a shirt still on, thankfully. I watch as the ball is passed to him and he dodges hands as he runs toward the goal, tagged last minute by a girl who chooses to wrap her arms around him versus tapping him.
A tearing pain flashes through my chest. "Fuck."
"What's wrong?" Ashton asks, trying to look at what I am, but I turn around and lean my butt against the railing instead.
"I'm just hating my body right now."
"Why?" Lily says like she's offended for me. "You have one of the best bodies I've ever seen. Seriously."
"Oh, that's not what I mean exactly. But thank you." I've actually never been body conscious. I'm short, and maybe a little too top heavy for my height, but the rest of me fits into the clothes I like, so that's all I really care about. I don't work out other than rushing around at the diner. Well, and the boxing gym, but that wasn't a regular thing. It was something Tori's oldest brother, Javier, took me to every once in a while. He said if I was going to be fighting anyway, I might as well have proper form. I actually enjoyed going, to be honest.
