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Cassie had managed to hold off contacting her BFF on the flight back. But when she’d got home to find Ash gone, having left some garbled note about going to a family event in Ireland, and she hadn’t answered any of her texts, the last reserves of Cassie’s strength had collapsed and she’d been crying ever since.
Sniffing loudly, she wiped her eyes, which were red raw, and managed to pick her aching body off the couch. She headed down the hall, feeling as if she were walking through a fog. Who knew heart-ache could be so exhausting? This was like having the flu and jet lag and a hangover all at once.
She undid the chain, her bruised and battered heart squeezing. Maybe Ash could make it better? Because crying for twelve hours solid had only made her a wreck.
She opened the door, her sore heart beating painfully, then gasped. ‘Luke?’
Was she hallucinating? Surely she had to be.
But then the vision spoke, his husky voice raw with emotion and reaching right down into her soul. ‘Cassandra, we need to...’
It was all he managed to get out before the fog cleared, her heart hit warp speed and she tried to slam the door shut.
Too late. He stuck his foot in the gap.
She managed to stop the door hitting him, her terror she might hurt him more devastating than the shot of pain arrowing through her heart.
‘Please, I can’t...’ she said, but he had already eased the door open, stepped into the entrance hall and closed it behind him. She stepped back. ‘I can’t do this.’
‘I know,’ he said. ‘I’m not here to hurt you again, I promise.’
He looked as if he meant it, but she couldn’t seem to focus on his words—only his face. How could this man—less sure of himself now than before, but no less overwhelming—still make her pulse race and her heart leap in her chest?
‘Why did you lie to me about being a virgin?’ he said.
She could feel her heart collapsing all over again. Oh, no. Was that why he was here? Because he thought somehow he owed her something? Hadn’t she explained all that in her note?
She could minimise the fact of her virginity again, but that would give the truth too much power. More power than it should ever have possessed.
‘Because I didn’t want it to be a big deal...’ she said, suddenly feeling unbearably weary. Was this another mistake she’d made?
‘Even though it was,’ he said, so softly she almost didn’t hear him. ‘And still is.’
‘No, it’s really not,’ she said, needing him to leave now, before she went totally to pieces again.
He cupped her cheek, ran his thumb over the sore skin where her tears had burned. ‘You’re a terrible liar—you know that, right?’
She forced herself to pull away, even though she still yearned for his touch. This wasn’t fair. How much more was she going to be forced to endure?
‘Just because you were my first, it doesn’t make this special, or different...’ If only that were true, she thought miserably. ‘I understand that.’
‘But it matters to me,’ he said, cutting off the anger she wanted to feel at the knees.
‘Why?’ she said, not even able to muster the energy to be angry with him any more.
His hand sank to her waist and he pulled her close to touch his forehead to hers. He touched her neck. ‘Because you trusted me,’ he said. ‘And I never trusted you.’
‘Okay...’ she managed—because what else could she say? Her foolish broken heart was beating double-time again.
‘You gave me something precious, Cassandra, and I threw it back in your face because of my own insecurities.’
She breathed in, the tightening in her chest almost as painful as the aching pain in her heart. She didn’t want to hope, didn’t want to believe...
‘It’s okay, Luke. I know where those insecurities came from,’ she said, remembering the few things he’d told her about his past, and all the things she suspected he hadn’t told her. ‘I understand them. I have a few fairly massive insecurities of my own,’ she added.
‘Don’t let me off the hook,’ he said. ‘Because I don’t deserve it.’
He kissed her eyelids, kissed her cheeks, in an act of worship that staggered her and had her heart swelling in her chest, making her sore ribs ache even more and her breathing uneven. What was actually happening here? Because it felt like more than she could ever have hoped for.
