AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I drifted moments later on the edges of a dream, his arm tight around my shoulder as he lulled me to sleep, and for one foolish moment a wish flickered in my consciousness. If only I could find a way past the demanding, cynical, indomitable man he had become and reach the little boy beneath, then I could tell him how much he was loved, by me at least.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
I LAY IN the darkness, staring at the ceiling cornice above my bed, and felt the weight of Edie’s head on my shoulder. My sweat-soaked skin felt clammy as it dried.
She was exhausted; I’d exhausted her. We’d exhausted each other. But I wouldn’t be sleeping any time soon, the adrenaline powering through my system like one of Alexi’s damn racing cars, speeding around and around in circles with nowhere to go.
I’d pounded into her like a madman until I heard her sobs of release and felt her swollen flesh hold me in the grip of her orgasm. Not once, but twice.
But far worse had been what came in between, her quiet words, whispered in the darkness.
‘What did your mother do that made you hate her so?’
‘Surely few people choose to be prostitutes.’
Words that were just like Edie. Sweet, naïve, romantic... And sadly idealistic.
But, as much as I wanted to disregard what Edie had said, deny her defence of a woman who didn’t deserve an ounce of my sympathy or hers, the conversation had left me feeling raw and exposed. And scared, dammit.
It was midnight. I needed to sleep too. It was going to be a long day tomorrow. I had to say goodbye to the guests, brief my finance team about the decisions made over the week and get the next stage of the expansion plan in motion now the new investors had been chosen.
Then I was supposed to be catching a flight to Las Vegas tomorrow night. I had a new hotel and casino complex opening there in two weeks and I wanted to oversee the inauguration.
But, as Edie shifted beside me, the events of the night kept tumbling over and over in my head.
I had planned to take her with me to Vegas. I’d already asked Nina to design a new wardrobe for the trip, had included Edie’s name on the flight roster and informed my PA in Vegas that she would be joining me for all the events we had planned.
I was supposed to be telling her in a few hours’ time.
But I couldn’t ask her now. Because of that innocuous question, that should have been easily answered.
I didn’t remember my mother, not really; I’d made sure of it. But Edie was right. I still hated her for what she had done to me.
But what I hated more was that Edie knew. That she had exposed my weakness so easily.
It shouldn’t matter what Edie thought of me or didn’t think of me. It shouldn’t matter that she cared, but somehow it did. Because she already mattered to me more than she should.
Seeing the moisture in Edie’s eyes when I had told her how furious I had been with Elise Durand on her behalf had all but crippled me.
Gratitude, affection, perhaps even love for me had shone clearly in her expression and for one agonising second I had wanted desperately to be worthy of it.
That desire had only escalated during the evening.
The dancing, when I couldn’t let her out of my arms, the intensity of our lovemaking afterwards, had all been a pathetic attempt to redirect the feelings I had developed for Edie. But now as I lay in the darkness, the pearly light of a midsummer night illuminating the bedroom’s furnishings, and felt the need still pulsing in my groin as I listened to her soft breathing, I knew I was kidding myself.
Just like all the lies I’d been telling myself for days about the reasons why I wanted to take her to Vegas with me. It wasn’t for her bright, brilliant mind, or her sweet, lively companionship, or even the incredible way she responded to my touch, even though I had become addicted to all those things. No, it was far, far worse than that. I wanted her to come to Vegas with me because I didn’t want this affair to end. Because, after only five days of having her in my bed and only a few weeks of having her in my life, I couldn’t imagine what I would do without her.
I didn’t want to let her go. Which was precisely why I had to.
I couldn’t open myself up to those needs again, those wants.
I shuddered, despite the warmth of the room in the sultry night. The memory of cold stone, rain spattering my bare arms and legs, hands holding me, voices whispering strange words as I screamed and kicked and cried. The nightmares that had come again and again, waking me in strange beds, reminding me I was alone. I wasn’t enough. I could never be enough.
> I couldn’t go back there again. Not ever. Not for any woman. I’d spent years getting over that night, burying that broken child so deep no one could find him, not even me. But somehow Edie had brought him out of hiding.
Which made her a threat I had to protect myself against.
As much as I hated the thought of letting Edie go, I hated the thought of being dependent on her touch, her laughter or her kindness a great deal more.
