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‘So, is it good sex?’
Tess choked out a laugh, the heat flaming again. ‘For Pete’s sake, Eva!’
Eva pointed. ‘I knew it. You’re blushing again. It’s not just good sex, it’s great sex, right? You
never blushed with Dan the Dweeb.’
‘Yes, it’s great sex,’ Tess confirmed. ‘In fact, it’s mega-fantastic monkey sex with bells on. Which is exactly why we’re doing it. But that’s all it is. This is not a relationship. Not even close. So don’t start getting any silly ideas about—’
‘There’s no such thing as just sex,’ Eva interrupted. ‘And there’s certainly no such thing as just mega-fantastic monkey sex with bells on. Especially if you’re about to have a baby together! Don’t be ridiculous.’
‘Our arrangement has nothing to do with the baby,’ she said, but even as the words left her mouth they sounded ridiculous to her too. ‘And we’re not about to have a baby. The baby won’t be born for another five months. This is just something for now. For the two of us. To get this...’ She wheeled her hands, how had Nate put it? ‘This sex thing out of our systems.’
It was Eva’s turn to laugh. ‘For goodness’ sake, will you listen to yourself? Have you any idea how preposterous that sounds?’
Tess shifted her gaze to the bathroom window, her face even hotter. Because now she’d said it out loud, she had a very good idea how preposterous it sounded.
Eva stepped into the room, stroked a comforting hand down Tess’s arm. ‘First of all, why would you want to get it out of your system, if it feels good? And you’re enjoying yourself?’
Tess shrugged, still unable to look at her friend.
Because it was what they had agreed. Because even if her feelings had changed, Nate’s probably hadn’t and she didn’t think she could stand him freaking out again, as he had the last time. She wanted him to be a part of the baby’s life, and if she put him on the spot, admitted that things had got a lot more complicated than expected, that she wanted them to be more than just friends, with benefits, what guarantee did she have that he wouldn’t walk away again? And anyway, how did she even know this wasn’t just a passing fancy, brought on by some kind of pregnancy-brain phenomenon, or great-sex endorphin overload?
‘Tess, this last month or so you’ve been glowing. I’ve honestly never seen you so happy. And more than that, you’ve been calm and focused and content too.’ The sincerity in Eva’s voice only made Tess’s chin quiver more. She clenched her teeth. ‘I thought it was your new business, and this house, and probably the pregnancy.’
‘Well, it probably is,’ Tess whispered, her throat raw as she clutched at straws. But all of a sudden she couldn’t seem to make the lie stick any more.
How could she have been so idiotic? To let this happen? Now? When it was the last thing she needed?
‘But it’s not those things, is it?’ Eva asked, but it wasn’t really a question. ‘Or not just those things. It’s him too. It’s Firecracker Guy?’
Tess sniffed, and pulled some tissues out of the cabinet. ‘Please stop calling him that.’ She blew her nose loudly, concentrated on folding the tissue into a tiny square. The funny name didn’t fit any more, because this had suddenly become deadly serious.
‘I don’t get it,’ Eva said. ‘Why are you upset? You’re having a baby together. You’re enjoying each other’s company. You’re having mega-fantastic sex. Why can’t this be the start of something wonderful?’
‘Because we agreed, this would be strictly friends with benefits.’
‘Friends with...’ Eva sucked her teeth in disgust. And Carmine burbled as if he were trying to mimic her. ‘What does that even mean?’
‘It made sense at the time,’ she said lamely, still not sure why it didn’t make sense any more.
Hadn’t she jumped at the opportunity too, the chance to have her cake and eat it without having to worry about picking up the crumbs afterwards? That had been the idea: that they could enjoy themselves and not think about the emotional implications. And Nate wasn’t the only one who had wanted it nice and simple and not too involved or overwhelming. She’d wanted it that way too, to keep her emotions out of the mix. She’d had no problem doing that all through her twenties. And now she’d reached twenty-seven. And bam. She’d managed to get accidentally pregnant. And then double bam. Her emotions sneak up and smack her over the head to boot.
It was her worst nightmare. Regressing to that mass of seething emotions and hurt feelings she’d suffered in her teens.
She perched on the side of the bathtub, her head starting to hurt. ‘I feel like such a stupid cliché.’
‘Why?’
Tess finally risked a look at Eva, whose sympathetic expression only made her feel more like crumpling into a heap. ‘I can’t believe I fell for him when he’s all wrong for me.’
‘Why is he wrong for you? And what’s clichéd about falling in love?’
Tess winced at the use of the L word. Was that what this was?
‘Why is he wrong for me?’ she repeated, determined to make sense of the feelings churning inside her. ‘Let me see... For starters, I like my independence and he wants to be in charge. I can be impulsive, and he’s very big on responsibility. None of which is going to make for an ideal relationship.’
‘There is no such thing as an ideal relationship,’ Eva countered. ‘People are not magically made for each other—that’s the real cliché. It kicks off with mutual attraction and then you have to work everything else out from there.’
