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She shook her head, wondering when he’d become so perceptive.
‘My parents were furious. They wanted me to get rid of it. Said I’d made a foolish mistake. And I had.’ She gulped the tears down, determined not to cry. This had all happened so long ago. Wasn’t it about time she got over it? ‘But I couldn’t do it. I moved out, I wanted to prove them wrong. I got a room at Mrs Valdermeyer’s. I had all these silly dreams. I would have the baby and Tony would be overjoyed and tell me he loved me and …’ She swallowed; it all sounded so idiotic now, like a little girl playing house. ‘I went to his work to tell him. He was furious, told me if I was pregnant I better get unpregnant. He picked up the phone to arrange an abortion, and I just ran off. I never saw him again.’
‘That bastard.’ She could hear the sympathy and anger in his voice, drew strength from it.
‘Two days later, I had a miscarriage. A spontaneous abortion, that’s what the doctor called it. It was for the best, I understand that now. I wasn’t mature enough to have a child. But it seemed so final, so cruel at the time. As if the baby was made to suffer for something I did.’
‘Juno.’ He sighed, threading his fingers through hers. ‘Don’t do that now. Don’t punish yourself for something that you had no control over.’ A lopsided smile tugged at his mouth. ‘It screws you up. A very wise young woman made me realise that a while back.’
As she sent him a weak smile she felt the last traces of guilt leave her heart. Until all that remained was the distant ache of grief for the child she’d lost.
He rested a palm on her midriff, warming her through the thin cotton of her dress. ‘So what does the doctor say about this little one? How careful do we have to be?’
The ‘we’ had her pulse skittering, but she pushed back the spurt of hope. One thing she’d promised herself in the last month was that she wouldn’t yearn for the impossible. Just because he cared about the baby, just because he wanted to be a part of its life, didn’t mean he wanted anything more.
‘Maya says everything’s progressing normally. She seems pretty confident. Once I get to
the three-month mark, we’ll know for sure.’
‘So that’s good news, right?’ The spontaneous grin made his dark, handsome face look impossibly boyish and the pang of longing squeezed her heart.
She nodded and climbed off his lap, desperate for distance. She still loved him, so much, but she couldn’t let it cloud her judgement again.
He stood behind her. ‘So where do you think you’re off to?’
She turned to face him, determined to focus on the reality, not the fantasy. ‘I can email you, when I have my antenatal check-ups,’ she said, sweeping her hair behind her ears. ‘How long are you planning to be in London?’ When he said nothing, simply stared at her, she hurried on. ‘I have my first ultrasound at ten weeks. If you like I could give you a schedule. Although the first one’s probably not worth coming all the way from LA for.’
A schedule? What on earth was she on about?
Mac frowned, sure he’d slipped into an alternative reality. Hadn’t they just established that they were going to be doing this together? As a couple?
‘There’ll be no need for me to come over from LA as you’re coming back with me.’ Her mouth had dropped open but he soldiered on. Surely she would see this was the obvious solution. ‘Luckily the whole cast is in rehearsals at the moment, so the director can work round me for a week or so. If that’s not enough time for you to settle things here, we could maybe make a short trip back before shooting starts in October? But you’ll not be travelling alone. And that’s final.’ On some things he intended to be absolutely firm.
‘I’m not moving to LA. My life is here.’
He huffed out a breath. He supposed he could negotiate. If he absolutely had to.
‘I’m not meaning to be a dictator about this. But I’m under contract and my current project is shooting in the US, so it makes sense for us to be based there for the next six months. But after that I’m a free agent. I’ve no more projects I’m committed to. And I’m at a place in my career where I can call the shots.’ He placed his hand on her crown, stroked it down her hair, enjoying the soft silky texture and feeling positively magnanimous. ‘We can move back here before the baby’s born. I could buy a place in Daisy and Connor’s street if that’s what you want.’
In fact the idea had considerable merit now he’d thought of it. He and his brother had a fair bit of catching up to do.
She ducked out from under his hand, but instead of looking pleased, and grateful, she looked upset. ‘Who said we were going to be living together?’
The question threw him completely. ‘Of course we will be. What else would we do once we’re married?’
‘Married?’ she all but squeaked. ‘I never said I’d marry you. In fact you haven’t even asked me!’
‘True enough.’ He grasped her hand and pressed a quick kiss on her knuckles. In his eagerness to get things sorted he’d missed a fairly important step. Luckily it was easily remedied. ‘Will you marry me, Juno?’
She tugged her hand loose. ‘No, I will not,’ she shot back so succinctly he knew he hadn’t misheard her.
‘Why the hell not?’ he said back, his head throbbing again. Why was she being so damn contrary? ‘I love you and you love me. And you’re having my baby. What else would we do but get married?’
She looked as if he’d slapped her, and suddenly his good mood plummeted into the abyss. Once she’d told him the horror story about Tony and her miscarriage, once he’d explained why he’d said the things he had and apologised, the relief had been enormous. He’d just assumed that everything would be okay, that she must love him, that their parting had all simply been a hideous mistake.
But had he put two and two together and made five?
What if she didn’t love him after all?
