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‘You want me to give you a hand with that?’ Cal asked, caressing her hip.
‘No, I won’t be long,’ she said, suddenly eager to be alone and give herself time to think.
With the christening party in full swing, and the fifty or so guests happily enjoying the vintage champagne, Maddy’s home-made canapés, and the glorious spring weather, it took Ruby quite a while to work her way through the crowd and escape to the solitude of the Trewan kitchen.
The decision to bake was probably a little manic but she decided to go with it. Hunting up the necessary ingredients from Maddy’s well supplied pantry and putting an apron on to protect her posh frock, she began to rustle up a roast vegetable lasagne. Once everyone left, it would just be her and Cal, Rye, Maddy and the children and she doubted anyone had given much thought to supper.
Comfort food would be good for what ailed her.
She was being silly. Ridiculous. Letting the emotion of the day, and the sight of Cal holding his baby nephew that morning as they both made their vows as godparents, get to her in a big way.
This strange mixture of envy and hope and desperation was just a biological urge, one that had been nagging at her for a while and had gotten totally out of hand today. Watching Maddy’s slim figure grow ripe with her child had been hard. But then, two weeks ago, when she and Cal had arrived at the Truro maternity hospital just after Danny’s birth, the yearning had got a billion times worse. She’d had to bite her lip to stop herself from saying anything that night, when they’d been lying in each other arms and he’d been laughing about something Mia had said to him about her new baby brother.
Methodically scrubbing and chopping the vegetables, Ruby forced her mind to focus, so she could look at the situation rationally.
Cal and her had only been living together for seven months and while their relationship had brought her more joy than she could ever have imagined, it had also brought with it quite a few challenges. They were both headstrong, confident people who weren’t shy about speaking their minds, and they didn’t see eye-to-eye on everything. Far from it. Happily they were also both committed enough to each other to do whatever it took to find the middle ground. Heat bloomed at the memory of how their last argument had ended. One should certainly never underestimate the importance of great make-up sex when it came to navigating the minor bumps in a relationship.
The point was, she wanted to have Cal
’s children for the right reasons. She knew what an incredible father he would make. What incredible parents they would make together. They complemented each other, his logical, disciplined approach to life the perfect counterpoint to her passion and enthusiasm.
She sprinkled olive oil over the prepared vegetables, seasoned them and popped the roasting tray into the oven.
But it was still way too soon.
That’s what her head was shouting. Unfortunately, her heart and her biological clock were shouting something entirely different. And she was finding it harder and harder to reconcile the two.
Her heart lifted a little as she began to mix the pasta dough. Would it really be so terrible, just to mention it? In passing? After all, she knew Cal was unlikely to bring it up first. Like most guys it probably hadn’t even occurred to him yet, because he didn’t have a biological clock, ticking or otherwise.
She debated the pros and cons of placing the subject on the table, purely for the purposes of negotiation and discussion. Cal was highly unlikely to say yes straight off. She already knew that. He was a naturally methodical man. So she had to be prepared for Cal to say no, or not yet. And not let it upset her. She had to be prepared to be patient and pragmatic about his answer, before she posed the question. Or she could end up turning into even more of a ticking biological time bomb than she was already.
Unfortunately, patience had never been Ruby’s strong suit and pragmatism wasn’t real big on her list of accomplishments either, unless it had to do with bulk ordering or filing Touch of Frosting’s VAT returns in time. And she didn’t think asking your partner if he would consider having a baby with you quite qualified.
‘That smells incredible.’
Ruby yelped and dropped the sieve, sending a cloud of flour over herself and the counter.
‘Cal, for goodness sake, are you trying to give me a heart attack?’ she said as his arms circled her waist. The heat burned in her cheeks at the realisation that she’d been so deep in thought, she hadn’t even heard him come in. Thank goodness he couldn’t read minds, or she’d have more than the dusting of flour on her posh frock to worry about.
He laughed as he buried his face in her hair, inhaled deeply. ‘You’re a little jumpy aren’t you?’ He cuddled her, and her heart bumped against her ribcage.
God, she loved this man so much. What would she do if he said he never wanted to have children?
‘And while I know I’m going to adore whatever it is you’re cooking,’ he added, his hands settling on her hips as he turned her to face him. ‘Why are you hiding away in here? The party’s not over yet. And it’s not like you to miss out on the company—or the free champagne.’
‘I’m not hiding.’ She braced her hands on the countertop behind her, looked past him out the picture window. ‘I just fancied a little peace and quiet, that’s all. It’s been a pretty hectic day.’
‘You? Peace and quiet?’ he scoffed. ‘I don’t think so.’
Tucking his forefinger under her chin, he brought her gaze to his. He looked amused and curious, and so gorgeous her heartbeat skidded into her throat.
‘Now are you going to tell me what’s been bothering you?’ he asked mildly. ‘Or am I going to have to wheedle it out of you?’
The heat blazed hotter in her cheeks. Had she really been that obvious? ‘Nothing. Nothing’s bothering me. I’m fine.’
‘Forget it, Ruby,’ he said. ‘The gig’s up. You might as well spill it now, or be prepared to be ravaged into submission later.’
She wanted to smile at his teasing. But she just couldn’t. She swallowed. This was it. The moment of truth. And however ready or not ready they were to take this next step, she couldn’t hold back the yearning to at least know where she stood a second longer.
