AllFreeNovel
Share Us
‘So where were you?’
‘Would you believe with your father in a log cabin in Tennessee at an extreme couples’ retreat?’
‘No way.’ Lizzie couldn’t have looked more shocked if Halle had just announced she’d flown to Jupiter to marry an alien.
‘There was hiking and kayaking involved.’ Halle shuddered. ‘So yes, way.’
‘Why?’
Because he blackmailed me into it. The easy answer very nearly came out of her mouth. But she knew that wasn’t the whole truth any more. Not even half of the truth really. And after sixteen years, Lizzie deserved to finally hear the whole truth.
Luke had been right about that, too.
‘Because we had a lot of stuff to sort out between us. Stuff that I’ve allowed to fester for sixteen years. He wants to be a much bigger part of your life.’ Why hadn’t she realised that was what this had really been all about all along? The hot-tub sex, the soul-searching, probably even the Monroe article had all been a by-product. ‘And he couldn’t see a way to do that when I wouldn’t talk to him about you.’
She had thought of contacting Jamie to see if what Luke had said was true, that he’d tried to change the terms of the custody agreement in recent years and Jamie hadn’t informed her. But, on careful consideration, she knew it was true. She’d been very clear with Jamie that she wanted to have no contact with Luke. That Jamie was supposed to handle everything without involving her, so that was just what he’d done. He was a solicitor, not a marriage guidance counsellor. And, anyway, he’d tried to tell her Luke wasn’t such a bad guy in his office, as soon as she found out about the memoirs, and she’d refused to listen.
‘But why didn’t Dad just ask me?’ Lizzie said. ‘I’ve been able to see him whenever I want since I was sixteen.’
‘I know, but I think he was worried he’d be putting you in the middle if he asked you without getting me onside first.’ And how could she not have realised that, either. That while she’d been shutting him out, Luke had been putting their daughter’s welfare first.
‘But, Mum, how could you spend all that time in Tennessee with him when you hate him?’
The matter-of-fact statement had the last of Halle’s hope dying, that maybe Lizzie had never been aware of her anger towards Luke.
‘I don’t hate him.’ And I probably never did. ‘And I’m sorry that I made you think that.’ Did she love him? She pushed the thought back.
Not about you. This is about your daughter, and all the lies and half-truths you’ve told, the secrets you’ve kept, to protect yourself from hurt while refusing to admit that you were hurting her.
‘We actually had a good time while we were in Tennessee. We cleared the air and … There was a lot of stuff that happened years ago, before you were born and when you were little, that we needed to deal with. And we did.’ And they had done a lot of other stuff besides, which their eighteen-year-old daughter would never know about.
‘What stuff?’ Lizzie asked.
Halle felt her cheeks getting warm. ‘It’s a long story.’
‘I’m not going anywhere,’ Lizzie prompted. ‘Please tell me, Mum.’ She played with the quilt cover, clearly torn about asking. ‘I’ve always wanted to know what happened between you and Dad, but neither of you ever wanted to speak about it.’
Because we’ve been cowards, both of us.
Luke had admitted as much back at the resort. Now it was her turn to do the same.
Slinging her arm round Lizzie’s shoulders, she hugged her tight. ‘OK, well, I guess I should start at the beginning. The first time I spoke to your father, he was sixteen, I was fifteen and we were in a drama class together. He told me I caught like a girl and I believe I called him a sexist snot-bag.’
Lizzie choked out a laugh. ‘Go on, this sounds like it might be pretty funny.’
‘You have no idea,’ Halle said wryly.
It took almost an hour, during which Aldo came in twice scavenging for food, and Trey finally sent Lizzie a two-line text, which simply read:
I’m at home, I’m fine & I’m really sorry. Pls tell yr Mum I’m sorry 2.
Even so, Lizzie stayed riveted to the story, at turns inquisitive, sad, surprised and delighted. Some of it she had known, but most of it she hadn’t. Halle didn’t tell her everything, skating over the truth about how Lizzie had been conceived—she doubted her daughter had ever been an Oasis fan—and the more traumatic details of Luke’s childhood or the full scope of his breakdown in the Gare du Nord. That would be Luke’s story to tell. But it did occur to her as she was tiptoeing through the details that if Luke had been there as they had originally arranged, those bits would have been much easier.
She’d also avoided any mention of all the make-up sex … Because it wasn’t relevant any more. And no eighteen-year-old, no matter how mature, wanted to hear intimate details about her parents’ sex life.
By the end of the story, Halle was exhausted. Reliving her history with Luke, with his perspective now added into the mix, had been like going on a roller-coaster ride, those huge peaks and devastating dips both shockingly dramatic and also painfully inevitable. She’d never been a big fan of roller coasters; they’d always made her nauseous even as a teenager. And, in many ways, this metaphorical one was no different. But as she finished off the story and saw Lizzie’s rapt expression, the bone-deep rel
ief she felt went some way to calm the huge swell of emotion rising up in her stomach.
