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Ellie almost smiled. This child knew her father better than anyone.
‘But my dad will need to get used to the idea of me being a woman, because, you know, he’s a bit weird about that stuff.’
‘Weird how?’ Ellie asked, confused herself now and hopelessly captivated by this new insight into Art’s personality.
‘Well, he’s never even had a girlfriend,’ Toto said. ‘I wondered if he might be gay, like Dee, but he doesn’t have any boyfriends either, and anyway Dee said he’s not when I asked her.’
An embarrassed laugh got trapped under Ellie’s breastbone. Just the thought of Toto and Dee having that conversation, and what Art would have made of it, had her forcing out a fake cough. ‘Right.’
‘I thought for a bit he might like you,’ Toto said, the serious tone ridiculously endearing, despite Ellie’s discomfort.
‘Why would you think that?’ she asked, trying not to sound guilty.
Yikes, could this conversation actually get any more awkward?
‘Because he looks at you funny sometimes, but Josh says that’s probably just indigestion. And he hardly ever talks to you at all. He talks to Tess and Annie more and I know he doesn’t like them that way, so I guess not.’
Of course he hardly ever talked to her, because they were keeping their liaison a secret. A secret that was beginning to look a lot less than secret. Was Toto the only one who had picked up on those hot looks?
‘I see,’ Ellie said.
She actually wasn’t Art’s girlfriend, not in any real sense, Toto was right about that. But suddenly the relationship they did have – no strings sex as often as their schedules would allow – seemed dishonest and immature. How exactly would they explain themselves to the kids if their secret got out? It wasn’t exactly setting a good example – about how to embark on committed adult relationships.
‘Would you like him to have a girlfriend?’ Ellie prompted.
‘I don’t know. I guess I never thought about it,’ Toto said with unfailing honesty. ‘But I think if he did have a girlfriend, he wouldn’t be weirded out by periods and stuff. And me becoming a woman.’ She paused. ‘You know, eventually.’
‘That makes sense, I suppose.’ A blush blossomed across Ellie’s collarbone.
‘Why don’t you tell him?’ Toto said.
‘Tell him what?’ Because I have now officially completely drowned the thread of this conversation in my own guilt.
‘About periods and stuff. He might not know much about them because he never had a girlfriend and he never reads.’
‘I suppose I could, but he might wonder why I’m telling him,’ Ellie said, thoughts of tangled webs and the problem with trying to deceive swimming through her brain.
Toto considered this for a moment. ‘I know, you can tell him I’ve started my periods. Then I won’t have to tell him.’
‘Me?’ Ellie said, feeling as if she’d just won a Nobel Prize and jumped off a cliff at one and the same time. She was honoured that Toto trusted her enough to tell her father about such an intimate event in her life, but she was also deeply wary of having that conversation with Art.
Yes, they talked about their kids together, but only in the most superficial way. Wouldn’t telling Art about this be stepping over a line? A line they had both agreed they did not want to cross?
And when would she be able to tell him? It was hardly the sort of thing she could mention before or after mind-blowing sex. And they generally avoided each other the rest of the time, so as not to clue anyone into their relationship.
‘You could totally tell him,’ Toto said, warming to her idea. ‘You’re a woman and I think he likes you a bit. You could tell him all that stuff about it not being a big deal and he’d have to believe you.’
‘Well, Dee’s a woman too,’ Ellie said, suddenly keen to find a way out. Stepping over this line would not be good for either one of them. ‘And Art knows her better than me.’ And he certainly trusted Dee more.
‘But Dee’s old, and I know she doesn’t have periods any more. Because I raided her bathroom before I raided yours.’ Toto looked concerned. ‘Don’t you want to tell him? Is he going to be really freaked out?’
‘No, not at all.’ Way to go, Ellie, stop scaring her. Time to get your big girl panties on. ‘I’ll tell him, it’s not a problem.’
‘Wicked.’ Toto’s sudden grin pierced Ellie’s heart.
Whatever mistakes Art had made as a parent, he’d done a terrific job raising Toto. She was pragmatic, open and generous of spirit, but most of all she had more empathy and understanding than people twice her age. She’d been a loyal and enthusiastic friend to Josh, hadn’t judged him by his appearance as so many of the children in Orchard Harbor had. And now when she was facing puberty without a mum, she was more concerned about how her father was going to handle it than how she was going to handle it herself.
‘But don’t tell him until Sunday,’ Toto added.
