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But more than that, he hadn’t for a moment worried about the implications of buying a ticket, because all he’d cared about in that instance was that Cassie would be with him, by his side, when he left.
He swore softly. The panic, the regret, the agony and desperation channelling into one simple conviction. He couldn’t leave. Not without her. Not if he didn’t want to go mad.
Gripping the handle of his holdall, his fingers no longer shaking, he picked the leather bag off the conveyer.
‘Your boarding card, Mr Ryan.’ The attendant handed the oblong strip of card over the counter.
‘Keep it,’ he said, his voice firm for the first time since Cassie had walked out. ‘I don’t need it now.’
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
ATEARDROP splattered onto the drawing board, smudging the ink line, and Cassie stared at it in dismay. Grabbing a tissue from the box beside her easel, she swiped at her eyes, screwed the tissue up and launched it at the rubbish bin.
‘Don’t you dare cry,’ she whispered to herself.
Placing shaking fingers to her lips, she took several deep breaths, trying to shrink the enormous boulder lodged in her throat. The little hiccup of emotion didn’t bode well. She sniffed loudly.
What was wrong with her? It shouldn’t hurt this much.
She was being unforgivably self-indulgent. Jace and she were never meant to be. All she’d done was fall into the same stupid, sentimental trap she’d fallen into before. Of believing a guy had stronger feelings for her than he actually had.
He’d made it perfectly clear that she’d blown their fling out of proportion and he didn’t return her feelings.
She frowned, swallowing round the huge boulder. So why didn’t she feel good about her decision? Why couldn’t she stop wishing for the impossible?
Jace Ryan had said he didn’t get involved. He’d told her that he didn’t even do long-term relationships. She’d misinterpreted his invitation to New York. Put him on the spot and declared her feelings when she’d promised herself she wouldn’t do that. But despite the fact that her timing sucked, it had still been the right thing to do to walk away. She didn’t want to get her heart shattered just because she’d been foolish enough to believe he was falling for her too.
Cassie’s bottom lip quivered. She bit into it, struggling to stem the maelstrom of emotion that had been pummelling her all day.
The only big glaring problem in her carefully worked out logic was that she wasn’t falling in love with Jace. She’d fallen. Hard and fast and far too easily. And she was very much afraid that her foolish heart was already shattered.
She stared out of the bedroom’s small window, the streetlight outside casting a yellow halo of light in the drizzle of freezing rain. Christmas was over. Jace would be on the plane now, flying back to his home in New York and out of her life.
She’d always regret what they had lost. Because however foolish she’d been, she hadn’t been wrong to know she could have given him so much, that they could have given so much to each other.
But she’d offered him her heart and he hadn’t wanted it. In the end she had to accept that and get over it. And however much it hurt now, she was much better moving on than struggling all on her own to make it work.
Today was the first day of a whole new year. She took in a deep breath, let it out slowly, glad to note it was only a little shaky. A whole new year and a whole new Cassie.
One day she’d find a guy who loved her the way she loved him. Who needed her and, more importantly, could give her what she needed. Lance had taken away her optimism and her self-respect and her belief in the power of love. And she had never even really loved him. Jace, for all his faults, and despite his resolute refusal to open himself to the possibility of love, had given her those gifts back. And for that she should be grateful.
Their wild Christmas fling hadn’t been a mistake. It just hadn’t been meant to last.
The loud thumping on the door made her jerk upright, and shattered the quiet moment of reflection.
Giving a little sigh, she climbed down from the stool and crossed to the front door. If that was Nessa, she’d allow herself a good solid cry on her shoulder, but she wouldn’t let her best friend bad-mouth Jace. She didn’t feel bitter, or used or angry, she just felt sad. But it was a sadness she knew she’d get over in time.
Sliding the deadbolt free, she wiped her eyes one last time and stiffened her stance. Time to give the new improved Cassie a workout. The Cassie who learned from her mistakes, but didn’t let them change who she was as a person. But as she swung open the door she saw the handsome face that would likely haunt her dreams and the new improved Cassie turned tail and ran.
‘Cass …’
She slammed the door in a flash of blind panic.
‘Ow!’ he yelled as the heavy oak hit the foot he’d wedged into the gap.
‘Go away. You’re supposed to be on a plane,’ she shouted through the narrow opening.
She couldn’t face him now, not after her pep talk. She had to begin the hard process of getting over him. This would only make it harder.
