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He wrapped his fingers round the door, shoved it back. ‘Damn it. I think you’ve broken my foot.’
She stumbled back, bumped up against the sofa.
‘That serves you right,’ she said, stifling the prickle of guilt as he limped into the room. ‘You shouldn’t be here. I didn’t invite you.’
‘I don’t care,’ he said, looming over her, his eyes stormy and his jaw rigid. ‘I’ve come to get you. You’re going to New York with me.’
‘No, I’m not.’ The anger that had been so unfamiliar that morning surged through her veins again, but this time she embraced it.
He had no right. No right to make her go through this all over again.
‘Why not?’ he said, exasperated, as he grasped her hips, dragged her towards him. ‘You know you want to.’
She braced her hands against his chest. ‘It’s not that I don’t want to. It’s that I can’t.’
‘Why can’t you? Because you told me you were falling for me?’ He snapped the words, his own temper as volatile as hers. ‘So what? We’ll forget you ever said it. And everything can go back to the way it was before.’
She gasped, astonished not just by his gall, but by his ignorance. How could she be in love with a man who was so clueless about other people’s feelings?
‘I can’t take it back.’ She struggled out of his arms. ‘That’s the way I feel,’ she said, her voice rising. ‘And I can’t stop feeling that way just because you don’t.’
‘Okay, fine.’ He raked his hands through his hair, and she saw something that looked remarkably like panic. ‘Feel that way if you want, but why should that stop us from continuing our affair? If you love me, why don’t you want to be with me?’ The puzzled anguish in his voice had her own temper cooling. How could he not know the answer to this? How could he understand so little about love?
‘Because I’d want things you can’t give me, Jace,’ she said softly, willing him to understand. ‘And that would destroy me in the end. Can’t you see that?’
‘How do you know I can’t give you what you need?’ he said, grasping her elbow, drawing her back into his arms. ‘Maybe I could, if you gave me the chance. Why won’t you let me try?’
As he pulled her close, wrapped his arms around her waist, she took a deep trembling breath of his scent and felt her resolve weakening.
‘Please, Jace,’ she whispered. ‘Don’t do this.’
She pressed her lips together to stop them trembling, pushed her forearms against his chest. She couldn’t give in; she couldn’t. Not when she’d come so far. If she went with him, knowing that he didn’t love her, she’d only end up trying to convince herself again. She couldn’t risk doing that. Not with him. Because with Jace it would be so much more devastating when she was finally forced to face the truth.
Then he touched his forehead to hers, placed a tender kiss on the tip of her nose and whispered, ‘Please, Cassie, come with me. I can’t go without you.’
The gulping sob racked her body, but she struggled against his grip and forced herself to step back. The tears flooded down her cheeks, the tears she’d held back all day, the tears she’d never shed over her father’s neglect, or David’s lack of interest or even Lance’s betrayal. After thirteen short days, Jace had come to mean more to her than any of them. But as much as she wanted to reach out to him, she knew she couldn’t.
‘Don’t cry, Cassie,’ he said, reaching up to cradle her cheek. ‘I didn’t mean to make you cry. I don’t want to hurt you.’
‘I know you don’t.’ She shook her head, brushed the tears away as she crossed her arms under her breasts, lifted her chin to face him. ‘But that isn’t enough.’
‘Then tell me what is?’ he said.
She cocked her head to one side, finally acknowledging the desperation in his eyes, the unhappiness, the thin edge of control that was on the brink of shattering. And suddenly she understood how far he’d come. He did care about her, more than she suspected he had ever cared about any woman. He’d opened up to her in a way he probably never had before. The seed of hope that had refused to die pushed through her despair and confusion. Maybe this wasn’t actually about her. Had she been unbelievably selfish and naive? Trying to force him to admit feelings that he didn’t even understand?
‘I need you to be honest about your feelings,’ she said softly. ‘Why can’t you do that?’
He cursed under his breath. Then backed away, sat down heavily on the sofa. Sinking his head into his hands, he spoke, his voice muffled, but shaking with emotion. ‘Because I don’t want to love you. I don’t want to love anyone.’
She sat beside him, placed her hand on his knee, the hope surging back to life now. At last she’d got behind the charm, the confidence and the cast-iron control, to the man beneath. ‘Why not, Jace?’
‘Because love is a mean, miserable, dirty little trick.’ His voice cracked on the word. ‘You think you can control it but you can’t. And then it ends up controlling you.’
He sounded so angry, but behind the anger she could hear the fear.
‘Why would you think that?’ she asked gently, but she thought she already knew the answer. And her heart ached for him.
‘Because that’s exactly what happened to my mother.’ He drew a sharp breath in, clasped his hands between his knees and stared blankly into the middle distance. ‘She used to be so amazing. So sweet and kind and funny. When it was just the two of us.’ His shoulder jerked in a tense shrug, but he didn’t sound angry any more, just desperately sad. ‘You know, before she met him.’ He sucked in a shaky breath, blew it out slowly. ‘When I was little and he hit me too, she’d say I should be more careful. That I knew he had a temper and I should try harder not to upset him.’ The resigned sigh broke Cassie’s heart. ‘Then when I got older, and I was big enough to defend her, she hid the injuries. She’d say she walked into a door. Or she tripped and fell. She’d tell any stupid lie to protect him.’ He ploughed his fingers through his hair. ‘I tried to get her to report the abuse. And she wouldn’t. Finally, I couldn’t take any more. So I went to the police. She denied it all and kicked me out. That was the night before I got expelled.’ He turned to face her. ‘She never spoke to me again. All because she loved him.’
