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“I’m sorry.”
She would usually brush the commonplace condolence aside but something about hearing it from Raf ignited warmth in her belly. “Thank you.” She pulled her hand free from his and took a step away, needing a little more space in order to be able to think clearly.
“The thing is, I didn’t decide to stay single after Thom died. I just couldn’t bear the thought of another man touching me. I definitely couldn’t contemplate the idea of starting to care for anyone else. I meant our wedding vows; I guess in a lot of ways I still think of Thom as my husband. I still love him.” As she said the words, she felt a burst of reassurance. It was a talisman to her life’s purpose. “So, no, I don’t sleep with men and then go out of my way to treat them badly. I don’t sleep with men, ever. I have no idea what it is about you but for some reason, you got under my skin and honestly, I don’t want you there. I wish I didn’t feel this way, Raf, I feel so guilty, like I’m betraying him and he deserves so much better than that, and I don’t want to be a total bitch to you either – I’m sorry that I’ve been ignoring you, I just don’t know how to process –,”
“Shhhh,” within seconds he’d closed the distance between them and wrapped his arms around her, drawing her to his body in a hug that was pure comfort. He held her to his chest, his hand stroking her back reassuringly, his chin pressed to the top of her head, his breathing rhythmic and strong. She stayed like that, cocooned in his arms for several long, perfect moments, feeling as though he was some kind of connection to life force, as though it ran from the centre of the earth, through him and into her.
“It’s much more straight forward if I just keep my distance from people, because then I can’t betray him, and our memories and marriage. I’m not good at this; I don’t know what the middle ground is. But now you’re leaving and I don’t want you to go without understanding that there’s a reason I’m the way I am, and that I’m…sorry.”
“Don’t, you don’t need to apologise,” he said quietly, pressing his finger to her chin and tilting her face towards his.
They stared at each other, the world ceasing to spin, the birds no longer singing, everything pausing as comprehension passed between them.
“There’s something about you that’s got under my skin, too, Lauren. I haven’t been able to get you out of my head since that night at the pool. I don’t date women. I don’t get to know them. I’m never in the same place long enough, and I like my freedom.” There was something in his voice that made her wonder if there was more to it, if he was holding something back. “But do you know what?”
“What?” Her voice was barely a whisper.
“I do know what the middle ground is for us. Do you want to hear?”
She nodded slowly, hope lifting in her chest.
“What if we agree that we’ll have a bit of fun together?”
“Fun?” She repeated the word dubiously, as though it were a thoroughly suspicious concept.
His laugh was gruff, pulling at her belly, making her press closer to him.
“What exactly does ‘fun’ entail?”
“We hang out. Spend time together. We sleep together – in a bed – not on top of the piano, as amazing as that was. We keep it casual and light – fun, no strings, no complications – and then we end it. As two friends, easily saying goodbye and moving on with our lives.”
He made it sound so easy. Could they really do that?
And what about Thom?
She fluttered her eyes closed on a soft groan. “I don’t know.” She was torn completely, between her heart and her body. Desire was propelling her to agree – it was the perfect suggestion – but memories and loyalty held her back, uncertain.
“What are you doing for the next few hours?”
She blinked, not sure his question made sense.
“I was just on my way home to grab some stuff I need to have here. Why don’t you come for the ride?”
She lifted her eyes to his. “You’re not leaving?”
“I’m leaving right now,” he clarified, “but with the intention of coming back tonight. We’ve agreed I’ll spend the next few weeks at Villa Fortune, to keep an eye on Yaya’s progress.”
Lauren’s heart skidded in her ribs.
“So you see, I’ll be right here,” he walked his fingers from her wrist, up her arm to the crook of her elbow, higher still to the satin flesh of her shoulder. “And you’ll be right here.” He dropped his head, kissing her lips gently. “And it would be the easiest thing in the world to be beneath one another’s skin, for a few weeks. That’s all.”
Again she was hit with the simplicity of what he was suggesting. He made it sound like the most sensible plan. But would she regret it?
“How do you know that will work?”
“You think I won’t be able to resist falling in love with you?” He teased gently.
She bit down on her lip, not sure how to respond. It was complicated.
