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“She didn’t want to be a mother. She didn’t want to be in the palace and know she could never have me – obviously I couldn’t have married her, even if I’d wanted to, after she’d carried my brother’s baby. She knew it was the death knell to any future with me, and so she left.”
“You mean she’s out there somewhere and just choosing not to be in Amit’s life?”
“Yes.” His eyes sparked with Chloe’s. “As you know, biology does not a mother make. He is unwanted by his mother, and his father uses him only in so much as he hopes it might hurt me.”
“Oh, poor Amit,” she sank into a comfortable chair, curling her knees beneath her. “I’m so sorry to hear this. That dear boy – and so sweet.” She shook her head sadly, and her heart was thumping with the importance of that moment, of the moments that were to follow. Adrenaline charged her veins. “So Amit is not your son, and you cannot acknowledge him as your heir?”
“No.”
She nodded slowly. She saw it all so clearly, and yet she wanted his stark confirmation of her assessments. She needed him to spell it out for her, so she understood the imperative of her decision.
“And you need a legitimate heir because otherwise Goran would be next in line to your father’s throne?”
Raffa’s eyes darkened. “Something that didn’t matter until recently.”
Chloe’s eyes swept shut. “But when Malik succumbs to his illness, you think he’ll challenge you for the throne?”
“Yes.”
“And you think he’ll be successful.”
Raffa expelled an angry laugh. “No. But he will cause a lot of damage in the meantime. Our freedom and prosperity are hard-fought. We cannot afford a civil war.”
He seemed to push the unpleasant thoughts away, standing straighter and looking at her with renewed intent. “None of this matters, Sheikha. We will have an heir, and from the moment your pregnancy is announced, Goran’s prospects will die.”
14
THE CALL CAME THE next morning. And she’d been expecting it, so the words Doctor Schultz spoke solicitously down the line were hardly even a shock. Hadn’t Chloe known, in her heart of hearts, that something was wrong?
Hope was a damned fine fool, and she’d cherished a foolish hope right up until the last, but despite the doctor’s final reassurance, she finally let go of hope. She accepted reality.
“The condition is unusual, on its own. But combined with other factors, it’s very unlikely that you will ever be able to conceive, let alone carry a pregnancy to term. There are things we can try, but even with medical intervention, I do not wish to excite your hopes. More than likely, your Highness, you will never be able to have a biological child of your own.”
She’d been unable to speak, and so he’d continued. “That’s not to say it’s impossible. The universe, God, call it what you will, works in mysterious ways. There is always a chance, you know, but I think you should prepare for the fact that this might not be the case for you.”
“Not impossible?” Chloe had asked breathily, her heart thumping.
“But highly, highly, truly unlikely.” The words were a soft, gentle rebuke. A call to reality.
“I see, Doctor. Thank you.”
Chloe disconnected the call, numb in a way she’d never known. Numb, and aching, all at the same time. She stared around the room, the palace suite that was so perfect for a princess, decorated with her in mind, she stared at the bed she and Raffa had used each night, making love to one another with dreams of babies in both their minds, and she squeezed her eyes shut on a wave of illness, cloying at her insides.
She wasn’t to be a mother. This wave of nausea was nothing more, it was panic, just like in the helicopter. She’d deluded herself into seeing symptoms that weren’t there, when her brain had known what her heart hadn’t wanted to accept.
She couldn’t give Raffa the baby he needed.
She couldn’t give him the baby the Kingdom needed.
She wrapped her arms around herself, staring out at the sky without seeing.
The marriage she had entered willingly and found herself clinging to was insupportable. It was a trap. A prison.
There was no way she could remain in Raffa’s life – she couldn’t do it to him.
If she told him the truth, what would he do? It was easy to imagine – he would support her. He would insist on remaining married to her. She was his wife, and the sister of his friend. She was Malik’s friend’s daughter. All these things would matter to Raffa – duty, friendship, loyalty. But it was loyalty to another, friendship to another, and duty to his Kingdom. There was nothing in his potential actions that would be a reflection of how he felt for Chloe, nor what he wanted from her.
He would do what was right and good, not what was right for her. Just as he’d done the right thing by Amit – raising the boy as his own when he had no obligation to do so. He’d been responsible and principled when others had failed.
