Page 56 of His Innocent Seduction

I leave the bar at one o’clock in the morning and check my phone.

There’s nothing from Michael.

* * *

I run as though the devil himself is in pursuit of me. I run as though I can undo the idiocy of last night, as though I can remember to use a fucking condom. I run as though I can wind back time and not lose my mind so completely.

My watch buzzes, telling me I’ve beaten my minute-to-mile best score. I run harder. I run faster. I run to obliterate Millie from my mind, just for a fucking moment of peace. I run because the repetitive motion of step after step, of burning breath, usually focuses my thoughts on work.

I run because it’s my sanctuary.

But not today. Every step is a whisper, a spell. ‘Mill-lie. Mill-lie. Mill-lie.’

I close my eyes, stopping beside the River Liffey, watching as a ferry pulls out of the port. It’s a big boat, lots of lights on. I hold my breath as it moves, my body screaming in agony at the deprivation of air when my lungs are overworked from the run.

At the point where I feel like I could black out, I breathe again.

Millie.

Her name whispers through my brain, and then it roars.

Fuck it.

I reach for my phone, dialling her number, ignoring the pulling sense of dread, the presentiment of disaster.

‘Hey.’ Her voice is warm, like warmed butter on my flesh.

My gut clenches, my dick tightens. ‘What are you up to?’

There’s a small pause. I look at my watch and grimace. It’s eleven o’clock at night. ‘I’m in bed.’

Crap. I don’t want her to feel like this is a booty call. And yet that makes no sense. Sex is the premise of our relationship—it’s not even a relationship! I shake my head, grinding my teeth together. We’re two people who are fucking, that’s it.

Except it’s not. I don’t know when that shifted. Was it when we were in New York? And she cried, watching the ballet, and my chest felt like it had been blown up full of air? Was it when I first made love to her, and she fell apart in my arms? When she looked at me, so completely trusting, so absolutely lost?

I drop my elbows onto the railing, staring out at the ferry as it moves towards the ocean. ‘I’m sorry about last night.’

I hear her soft exhalation and the breeze rustles past me at the same time, lifting my shirt a little. ‘I told you, Michael—’ I love how she says my name ‘—it was my fault. I wanted you. I’m the one who forgot about consequences.’

‘Remember how I told you you should only ever be with a guy who looks after you?’

Another sigh. ‘Tell me you’re not still beating yourself up about this?’

I focus on the darkly rippling water beneath me. ‘What would be the point? It’s happened. All I can do is make sure it won’t happen again.’

‘You can’t control everything, Michael.’

She yawns, and I freeze. She’s right, and I hate that.

‘Why don’t you come over? Let’s talk about this in person.’

I want to. God, I want to. My body pulls towards hers. I want to bury myself inside her and forget that she is not a strength but a weakness. But, first and foremost, Millie is an addiction and I know the importance of managing those.

‘It’s late.’

‘I

know.’ Her smile is in the words. ‘And I’m naked, in bed.’

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