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‘Says who?’ she demanded. ‘What was your own childhood like? I don’t believe it was as cold as you are suggesting Leo’s should be.’
‘What do you know of my childhood?’ he asked, deceptively calm.
She slammed her lips together and then her anger fired up anew. ‘Nothing. But I know what mine was like. I know that my parents loved me even when they had no reason to.’ Her eyes narrowed. ‘I was given away, Matthias, by people who found it as easy to turn off their hearts as you apparently do, and I don’t much like the idea of Leo ever knowing what that feels like.’
‘Given away by whom?’ he snapped, not understanding her implication.
‘By my birth parents,’ she returned, spinning away from him, her eyes caught by the hedge that grew around the tennis court.
‘You’re adopted?’ he repeated, the words flattened of emotion.
‘Yes.’ There was defiance in her tone.
‘Why have you never mentioned this before?’
‘It didn’t come up,’ she said, and then bit down on her lower lip. ‘And because I’m... I’ve lived with this shame, Matthias.’ She whirled around to face him and pressed her fingertips between her breasts, as though she could score her way to her heart. ‘I’ve lived with the knowledge that the people who should have loved me most in this world, and wanted me, didn’t.’
A muscle jerked in his jaw and sympathy crossed his handsome face. ‘I wish you’d told me this sooner.’
‘Why?’ she whispered. ‘What difference does it make?’
They stared at each other in silence and then he moved closer, but she stiffened because her temper couldn’t be restrained. Nor could her hurt.
‘It is a part of you,’ he said finally. ‘A part of the woman you’ve become. It has been hurting you, and I would have liked... I would have liked to talk to you about it, to help you not suffer because of a decision two people made twenty-four years ago.’
‘You make it sound like selling a house,’ she muttered, shaking her head. ‘My own parents didn’t want me.’ Her eyes were flinty when they lifted to his. ‘Imagine what that feels like, then imagine how much I don’t want Leo to ever know this pain.’
Her words lashed the air between them, and he stiffened visibly.
‘People put their children up for adoption all the time,’ he observed quietly. ‘Oftentimes, because it is best for the child. Has it never occurred to you that your birth parents felt they were doing the right thing by you?’
‘Of course it’s occurred to me.’ Her words were thick with emotion. ‘I’ve spent my whole life trying to understand why my own mother didn’t want me.’ To her chagrin, the sentence burned in her throat, emotion making the words dense and acidic. ‘I was determined I wouldn’t repeat whatever mistake my biological parents made.’ Her eyes assumed
a faraway look. ‘I always thought that when I had a family, it would be with a man I could spend the rest of my life with. A man I respected. A man who loved me too much to ever let me go. I thought that when I started a family, it would be with someone who would love my children like they were his purpose for living. Nothing less would be acceptable for me or whatever children I might have. I thought I’d fall in love and get married and I’d finally feel like... I’d finally feel like...’ She had to suck in a deep breath to stave off a sob. ‘I thought I’d feel wanted.’
The words stung the air around them, whipping through the atmosphere.
‘Deliciae—’ But what could he say? He wanted her for her son. He’d made that obvious from the moment he’d approached her.
Tears sparkled on her long lashes. ‘And then I met you and all my thoughts of saving myself for marriage went out the window. I discovered I was pregnant and had to face the reality of raising my child on my own.’ She dashed at the tears that were threatening to run down her cheeks. ‘It wasn’t what I wanted, but I figured I could still give Leo the best of everything. And he had my parents, who loved me when they had no reason to.’
Matthias was as still as a statue, watching her with fierce concentration.
‘Never would I have thought I’d be bringing my child up as a prince, the heir to a man who won’t ever give him the love he deserves. A man who doesn’t know how to love his own son.’
And now fresh tears ran down her cheeks, and Frankie didn’t check them. She returned Matthias’s gaze, her heart breaking, her soul splitting.
‘I have never lied to you,’ he said eventually, and she swept her eyes shut resignedly.
‘I know that.’ Her chest heaved. ‘I knew it was unlikely you’d ever love me and, believe me, I have grappled with that fact. I have known that, in agreeing to this, I am consigning myself to the exact fate I’ve always sworn to avoid. You, and this marriage, are everything I didn’t want for myself.’ She straightened her spine, squaring her shoulders. ‘But for Leo, to give him the father he deserves, I was prepared to put all that aside. What do my feelings matter when I can give him everything he should have?’
Matthias’s eyes drew together, his expression not shifting. ‘And what will he miss out on, living here with me? He is the Crown Prince of Tolmirós. He will want for nothing.’
‘Come on, Matthias, don’t be so obtuse. Children don’t care about things. They don’t care about power. He’s just a sweet little kid, who wants to be loved. It’s as easy as that.’
‘I will do everything in my power to care for our son, you know that. I told you I will protect him with my dying breath...’
She shivered visibly. ‘Do you think that’s enough?’
