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His eyes glinted and slowly he nodded. ‘It has to be. It is what I am offering.’ He moved closer, so close they were almost touching and she could see the tiny flecks of silver in his dark eyes. ‘I am what I am. I have never lied to you—I will never lie to you. I have been very careful never to make promises to you that I cannot keep.’
She bit down on her lower lip to stop it from trembling.
‘I am telling you now that I will give our son a home, a future, and we will raise him as a family, just as I have always said.’ His back was rigid, braced like steel. ‘Our relationship is a separate concern to Leo’s place here—as my son, and as my heir.’
‘It’s all the same thing,’ she denied, shaking her head.
‘No.’ He lifted a hand, curling it around her cheek, stroking his thumb over her lips. ‘You’re offended I am not claiming to be in love with you,’ he said quietly. ‘And you’re trying to hurt me by making that about Leo.’
‘No!’ she volleyed back urgently. ‘I would never use our son in that way!’
He didn’t relent. ‘I have wondered why you are so hell-bent on idealism and commitment—why would a beautiful young woman deny herself the pleasure of sex in this day and age? And now I see. It is because you are always looking for a guarantee of security, for a promise you will not be abandoned again. You thought saving yourself for marriage would be an insurance policy of permanence.’
She drew in a harsh, raw breath at his accurate appraisal.
‘You want to pick the safe option always, because you were put up for adoption and you want to make sure nothing like that will ever happen to you again.’
She opened her mouth to deny it, but the words were locked in her throat.
‘How can you not see that marriage without love is a safer bet than one predicated on emotion? Emotions fade and change. How can you not see that what I am offering you is everything you want?’
Her eyes sparkled and her beautiful face fell. She shook her head slowly from side to side, but bravely held his gaze. ‘If you think any of this is what I want, then you know nothing about me.’
CHAPTER TWELVE
‘DO YOU THINK this marriage is what I wanted?’
‘I know it’s not,’ she conceded, and the pain in her pinched expression practically tore him in two.
‘I wish, more than anything, that you could have everything you’ve just described. I wish you could have met a man who deserves you.’ He knew, as he spoke the sentence, that it was the truth. That he wasn’t—and never had been—worthy of Frankie. ‘I wish you hadn’t met me. I wish I’d done what I knew I should have and left you alone three years ago.’ He ground his teeth together. ‘Hell, Frankie, do you think I haven’t woken up every day regretting what I require of you? Regretting the fact that I am forced to marry you even when I know it’s the last thing you want?’
‘Then why are you?’ she whispered.
‘You know the answer to that.’ His jaw was firm. ‘I cannot let Leo go. He must be raised here, by you, and as my son and heir. Neither you nor I has any say in this.’
A small sound escaped her, and he thought it might have been a sob.
‘I can’t live here with you.’ She pulled away from him, taking a step backwards.
‘You must,’ he said darkly, wondering at the way his stomach seemed to be swooping and tightening constantly. ‘Marriage is the only option open to us.’
She nodded jerkily and she stared at him with an attempt at strength and defiance that made him feel even worse. ‘I’m aware of that. I have no interest in depriving our son of a birthright he would more than likely choose for himself when he comes of age.’
Matthias tilted his head in concession, hiding the look of darkness that moved over his features.
‘When you suggested this marriage, you told me I could live at another palace.’
‘Mare Visum.’ He remembered the conversation, and the fact he had made the promise in good faith. He hadn’t cared where she might choose to live at that point. And now?
Matthias did care. He thought of her living on another island, separated from him by sea and miles, and he wanted to reject the suggestion outright.
‘Leo and I will go there after the wedding,’ she said, her voice almost completely steady, her eyes unflinching.
‘Running away?’
She let out a small sigh and when she spoke it was with an impatience that made him feel about as big as an ant. ‘I’m trying to find a way to make this work. If I was going to run away, I would have done it by now, believe me.’
Respect lifted within him, even as he warred with her words internally. To install Leo and Frankie in another palace did make perfect sense. They could spend their days happily, settling into a new lifestyle and culture, and he could continue as before. Nothing needed to change, except his country would rejoice in the knowledge of a blood heir to the throne.
