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She doesn’t get it. I don’t want to end up like her. I don’t want to live in a trailer my whole life, with a deadbeat husband and kids that I can’t control. I want more for myself and I can’t do that here.
“Mama, please. I need to try, or I’ll never
know.” She forces a small smile and starts helping me fold my clothes.
“Where are you going to go?” Now, this is what I was afraid of. I could easily lie, tell her that I don’t know, that I will know when I find it. I look at her beautiful face and it just comes out.
“California.” She stops folding and grabs my hands, stopping me.
“Where in California, McKinley?” I shrug my shoulders and she stands up, spinning me to look at her. “Where?”
“Mama, I’m twenty-nine years old, stop talking to me like I’m a damn child. I don’t know where in California.”
She shakes her head and runs her hand down her face. “I never should have told you about Blake. I should have taken it to the grave like his father asked me to.”
I grin and turn back to my suitcase. “You mean our father.” She slaps me on the back of the head and fuck it hurts. “Damn Mama.”
“You are such an ungrateful child. Your father is the man who raised you, the man who put food in your mouth and clothes on your back. The man who gave you a place to live and took care of both of us. The man who got me pregnant and decided he was too good for us; he is just the sperm.” She looks at me imploring me to listen.
I sit down on the bed and look up at her. “There are always three sides to a story, your side, his side, and the truth. I want to know the truth.”
She pushes the suitcase out of her way and sits next to me. “Listen, we may never have had enough money, just enough food, and gotten clothes from generous neighbors, but I tried. I tried to be the best mother I could be. I want you to have everything you never did, but I don’t want it to happen this way. If you show up on Blake’s doorstep and tell him, his world will forever change. He will know that his father lied to his mother, to him, and he’ll completely ignore you. Don’t you think you should consider his feelings before you rush off and do something like this?” I smile and she leans over wrapping me in a hug. “The least they can do is help me now.” I stand up and she shakes her head.
“I raised you better than this,” she shouts.
I put the last few things in my suitcase and zip it up. “You raised me to go after what I want. To not let anything stand in my way. Mama, you are standing in my way. This town is standing in my way. My reputation is standing in my way. I need a new start and I need that in California.”
She stands up and starts walking to the door of my bedroom. Just as she walks through, she turns back to face me. “The only thing standing in your way is yourself. Everything that has happened to you has been your own damn fault, but I’ve been there to help you clean it up. Don’t call me when it happens in California, because I’m done bailing you out. You are on your own.”
With that she walks out of the trailer, letting the door slam behind her, and drives off.
I love my mom, I do, but she doesn’t realize how badly I need out of this town. I’ll never be anything more than the town slut, the girl who is willing to do anything for money, the girl who fails at everything she tries. I’m done with that. I need to go somewhere, where they don’t know me, won’t judge me, and are willing to help me.
I carry my suitcases out to my beat-up Nissan Sentra and throw them inside. I go back inside and the only other thing I bring with me is a photo album. I grab my purse, cell phone, and keys, let the door slam behind me and get into the car.
I’ve been driving for hours and I finally see a sign that says, now leaving Louisiana. I smile and know I am finally on my way. I turn the radio up and listen to Little Big Town sing ‘Tornado’ and it just makes me smile. It’s the perfect song for me right now. I sing, song after song that comes on, making my ride more fun than I thought it would be. I look down and realize I need to get gas soon and since I don’t know what lays ahead, I better get it at the next station. I see one and pull in. I get out and put the pump in my car while I go inside to get something to drink and pay for the gas.
After I get on the road again my cell phone rings, and I look to make sure it isn’t my mom calling to bitch me out again. I answer it right away when I see it’s my best friend Leigh.
“Hey, what’s up?”
“McKinley, what are you doing? Your mama is over here crying to mine,” she says with sass in her voice.
I roll my eyes and put her on speakerphone. “Leigh, I am finally going after my future.”
I hear her close a door and I regret answering the phone.
“Listen, I know how badly you want to make it, but are you sure you want to do this? I mean what are you going to do, just show up and say surprise it’s a girl?”
I laugh, even though I know she isn’t kidding. “Actually, that is pretty much what I plan to do. Leigh, I just found out my brother is Blake Foster. Do you have any idea what kind of influence he has in the modeling world?”
“No, I don’t and honestly I don’t care because it’s fucked up. You can’t just expect your long-lost brother to just help you out like that,” she whispers.
I just ignore her and keep right on talking. “His best friend is Jax Burke. Jax’s girlfriend is Kallie Gregory, one of the top photogs right now. I mean if this isn’t fate, what is it?”
She gives me a sarcastic laugh and I’m ready to hang up. “It isn’t fate McKinley. Fate is when you find the love of your life when you least expect it when a friend you’ve been needing happens to find you when things happen you least expect. What this is, is you thinking you are entitled to something that you aren’t. Blake doesn’t owe you shit; he doesn’t even know you exist. It’s not his fault his father left your mom. You don’t suddenly get to have a different life because your mom got drunk and told you the truth. You are setting yourself up for disappointment and setting him up for a fucking grenade he doesn’t deserve.”
Fuck her, she’s just as bad as my mother. She’s a rich bitch who has no idea what it’s like to have nothing. She hasn’t had to sleep with a guy, just to have a place to stay or sell yourself to get rent money or work at a fucking strip club because no one else would hire you. She doesn’t know how shitty each photographer I went to made me feel unless they were the ones wanting to fuck me for payment. I deserve a chance and Blake Foster is my chance.
