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“I’m fine. I think I should be able to go home, but they say I need to stay a while yet. I told them everything was fine now that I had you back, but I guess that’s not good enough.” I laugh at her and sit down to eat my bagel.
“Mom, be nice to everyone. They are just trying to help you. We have to make sure you are healthy before you go home.” I finish up my breakfast and we talk about the bar and her favorite TV shows. After about an hour, the doctor comes in.
“Good morning.” He pulls up a chair to sit down and I raise my eyebrows at him. “I want to talk to the both of you about a few things. First of all Mary, all your tests came back great. Your heart has no damage done and you are extremely lucky for that. Normally, it is much worse. Your wrists will heal and the stitches will need to be removed in two weeks. Any questions so far?” He looks from my mom to me and I shake my head. Why the fuck would I have questions? This is all great news. “Alright, we need to talk about a few more things.” Just then another doctor and two nurses come into the room. “This is my colleague, Dr. Leppin, and this is Nurse Becky and Nurse Tina. I’ve discussed your case with them, and they are here to do a few tests before we continue. Alright?” What the fuck is this? I’m starting to get a bad feeling about all this.
“What kind of tests and what kind of doctor are you exactly?” Dr. Cummings looks at Dr. Leppin, but he shakes his head.
“You are her son, Cooper, correct?” Holy shit, is he for real?
“Yes, I am. Now I’ve answered your question, so answer mine.” I’m slowly losing what little patience I had.
“Cooper, we are going to run a few brain tests. Just checking for reactions from certain things.” I fucking knew it.
“I’d like to speak with you in the hallway.” I don’t even wait for him to reply. I just walk out. He follows me and leans against the wall, waiting for me to speak. “So you’re a psychiatric doctor?” He nods his head. “Listen, my mother is not fucking crazy. She has depression. I’ve explained this to Dr. Cummings already.” I am clenching my hands in fists I’m so pissed off.
“Cooper, no one said she was crazy. I’ve been in contact with her psychologist. How long have you known about her being bipolar?”
“What the fuck are you talking about? She’s not bipolar; she is depressed from losing my father.” He looks at me, shaking his head.
“I had a feeling she never told you. Cooper, your mom was diagnosed with bipolar disorder shortly after you were born. When your father was alive he took care of her, but since his passing she’s gotten worse. Her psychologist has been treating her since your father made her go. They thought it was postpartum depression, but after testing they found out it was bipolar. Losing your father has just made her have more manic and depressive episodes. She needs to be hospitalized until we can get her on the correct medicine and be sure she is no longer a danger to herself.” My head is about to explode with all of this. How the fuck could she never tell me any of this? I feel so fucking betrayed.
“So you’re telling me that she knows she is bipolar? She knew all these years and never bothered to tell me, just took advantage of me?” I’m pacing now because I’m so fucking pissed.
“Cooper, she didn’t do any of that to take advantage of you. Those were during her depressive episodes. She became dependent on you being there, and when you weren’t around, she did what she always wants to do, take her life. It’s not the first time. She did this about twenty years ago. She needs help, Cooper, let me help her.” Motherfucker, I can’t believe this is happening. I feel like I’ve lost control of everything.
“Help her. Do whatever it is she needs, but make sure she is treated with respect and understanding. I can’t be here right now. I need to go. I left my phone number with the nurse. Call me and let me know where she is going and when.” I don’t bother even waiting for a response. I need to leave, now. I need to do something to help the ache in my heart from my mom’s betrayal and the hole left there by losing Emma.
Once I’m home, I head down to the bar. I go behind it and pull out a shot glass and a bottle of vodka. I pour my first drink in almost four years. I bring it up to my lips and close my eyes. As soon as I do, I picture Emma playing her guitar by the lake and laughing when she misses a chord. I snap my eyes open and throw the shot glass across the bar, sending vodka everywhere. It hits the wall, breaking into a million pieces, just like my heart.
I AM SITTING ON MY ugly blue couch staring at my TV that is turned off while I drink my morning coffee. Today is exactly two weeks since I’ve seen Cooper, even though it feels like a lifetime. When Rowan picked me up from the hospital asking what happened, I ended up crying so hard that she had pulling over because I thought I was going to be sick. She stayed with me for the entire first week. She held me when I cried, made sure I ate, and even got me drunk. She listened tirelessly to me say I hate him, then crying saying that is a lie, I love him. She never let me get into my head for too long. Of course, she had to go home eventually so for the last week I’ve been alone. Not entirely alone because Rowan stopped by a few times, bringing Lane and Lacey.
I am done crying, now I’m pissed. I am so angry with him for hurting me, blaming me, and ignoring me. He hasn’t once called to apologize or simply check on me. I just can’t believe this is the same guy that made me fall in love with him. I sip my coffee and squeeze my eyes shut tightly. I know I need to come to terms with the fact this relationship is over, I just can’t. In my heart I don’t feel like it is, not yet.
After I finish my coffee, I go take a shower and get ready for my day. Terry has been so wonderful giving me paid time off. I don’t know any other boss that would do something so incredibly generous. Today, I have some things I need to take care of. I need to get some food in this house and get some laundry done. I’m meeting my mom for dinner and then I have plans. My phone rings as I am applying my lip gloss, and just like every time since Cooper left, I scramble to grab it. “Hello?”
“Hey, Em!” I smile even though tears pool in my eyes.
“Ryan. Is everything okay?” I love my brother more than anything and hearing his voice, knowing he is safe, makes my broken heart pound a bit faster.
“Everything is good. How about you? How’s my beautiful sister?” I never, ever tell him bad things. There is no point in getting him upset when there is absolutely nothing he can do. Why put that on him?
“I’m great. Getting ready to go food shopping.” He laughs because he knows I hate it.
“Well, listen, I can’t talk long, but I wanted to call you myself. I’m coming home, Em.” I squeal so loudly I actually hurt my own ears.
“Oh my God, this is the best news I’ve had in so fucking long. When?”
“Three months. We need to finish up this mission.” I wish it was today, but just knowing that he is coming home is enough.
“I can’t wait Ry. Do Mom and Dad know?” I hear someone talking and I know he is going to tell me he has to go.
“Yes, I called them right before you. Em, I need to go. I’ll call you as soon as I can. I love you.” I blink back my tears and quickly swallow the lump in my throat.
“I love you too, Ry. Be careful.”
“Always.” He hangs up and I can’t believe I actually have tears left, but apparently I do because I’m crying once again. Although with my brother, it’s a mix of missing him and relief that he is coming home.
After I stopped crying, I fixed my makeup and went to the food store. I came home and did all my laundry and even cleaned. I went to dinner with my mom at my favorite Italian restaurant. Most of the conversation was about Ryan coming home and I’m so grateful because I didn’t want to have to tell her what is going on with Cooper. When we were finished, I promised to call her during the week and I climbed into my jeep.
