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IwishIcould say the last couple of days have flown by as quickly as the weekend did, but that would be a lie. Since Mark’s funeral two days ago, Baby has barely been back in the basement. She’s keeping herself busy with Coen or Kas. Either she’s helping Coen with the business aspect of Second Chances or Kas organizing a fundraiser to get us started. I know I should at least offer to help one or the other, but I haven’t been able to focus on anything but the piece of paper Baby gave me.
The handwritten note with a phone number is burning a hole in my pocket, beckoning me to call. I don’t know why I haven’t, well mostly it’s because I don’t want to. I have no idea what’s waiting for me on the other side of the line when I dial the number, and Baby refuses to tell me. She keeps reiterating that I need to find out for myself. Not at all helpful.
My mind goes back to Sunday, more specifically to Mark’s wake. When we left the church, Baby was practically coiled in on herself. However, when she arrived with CJ a little after the rest of us, it didn’t take a genius to figure out what the two of them had been up to—and as much as it makes me feel all sorts of fucked up, I’m glad he could give her the release she obviously needed. Even if I wish it were me.
The steak lunch was delicious, beers flowed, and people shared their favorite stories about the man we were all there for. That made me feel like a rat bastard all over again. My favorite memory of Mark is when he introduced me to Baby, and that wasn’t really a story I wanted to share. So together with Baby’s family, Kas, and Coen, I sat back and listened to everyone share memories and compare anecdotes.
Lila kept her favorite Mark story vague. “Mark excelled at many things, but losing wasn’t one of them. I still remember how sour he became when he lost to me in a game of pool. We had been playing four games when he wanted to make it interesting and play for money. I wasn’t a shark by any means, but I got lucky and beat him.” Her voice was steady as she told us about Mark accusing her of cheating and how much fun she had teasing him and pretending a lucky shot that lined up the eight ball in front of his remaining color was on purpose.
Mark hired most of the people from Serendipity who worked security, and they all told tales about how thankful they still are that he gave them a chance. Baby’s dad even told us all how grateful he was to know that Mark was looking after his daughter, and he even shared his regret that he never took the time to get to know him better.
Baby was wearing a stoic expression for most of the afternoon and barely said two words. She’s never been an open book about her feelings, so I shouldn’t have been surprised—and I guess a part of me wasn’t. It wasn’t less than I expected when she left the venue with Lila, both of them spending the night in Mark’s apartment.
Focusing on the present makes me sigh in frustration, and I give up on the thought of calling the number. I just can’t bring myself to do it. Instead of plaguing myself with more thoughts about what I should do, I get up from my bed and walk downstairs, where I’m surprised to find Baby and CJ sitting at our dining table.
“You need to make a plan, an end goal. What do you want to happen?”
Baby looks up at CJ from beneath her lashes and says, “I want him to pay.”
Since that doesn’t sound like Second Chances talk, I’m guessing they’ve finally gotten around to discussing what to do about Mr. Riley.
“Right, but what’s the toll for his sins? What will it take for him to have paid? You need to think beyond your anger and deeply consider it. Will there be a point where Neil can be set free and walk away?” CJ reaches across the table and takes Baby’s hand.
Before I sit down next to Baby, I kiss her cheek. “Hey.”
She surprises me when she places one hand on the back of my neck before turning her head so her lips connect with mine. “Hey yourself,” she smiles.
When I sit down, she comes over to me, placing herself sideways in my lap so she can still look at CJ. “No, he can’t ever be allowed to walk away. I…” she sighs wistfully before hardening her tone. “I guess death will be the only way out for him.”
I try my best not to stiffen or give away my discomfort as my girlfriend and brother discuss death and torture, where we usually eat like it’s nothing.
“Okay, we can do that. My next question is, how do you want him to pay? What is your pound of flesh to consider his debt paid in full?”
Baby leans against me and uses my body to hold her up. When she tilts her head up, I can see the contemplative look in her eyes. I don’t know whether I should say something or not. They all know I’m against this, and I am. However, that doesn’t mean I don’t understand her need, and somehow I agree with that as well—I just don’t want it to destroy her.
As if he’s read my thoughts, CJ says, “You have to consider this carefully because whatever you do to him can’t be undone, and you’re the one who will have to go on with the rest of your life. You and Alec have never taken a life, so you can’t even begin to fathom the toll it takes on your mind.”
I wonder if it’s on purpose that CJ doesn’t mention Kas. As far as I know, Baby still doesn’t know about his past. She should hear it from him, but he can’t keep it hidden for much longer. One day Baby will have to know, and I think it would be better to get it all out on the table.
Despite my plan to remain still as a fucking statue, I move around until I feel more comfortable. Then I close my arms around Baby’s stomach and bury my head in her hair. “He’s right, Baby.” Her eyes remain closed, but she makes this little humming sound in the back of her throat to let me know she’s listening. “You don’t want to lose yourself in the process. Letting it consume you will mean that Mark’s sacrifice was for nothing.”
“Why are you not trying to talk me out of this?”
Huffing out a laugh, I ask a question of my own. “Would it help?”
Baby opens her eyes and looks directly into mine. “No. No, it wouldn’t. I guess I expected you to try all the same. You can be quite stubborn, you know.” The smile on her lips and teasing tone should make me feel better, but it doesn’t.
I wish I knew what the fuck was going on in that beautiful head of hers, because this makes little sense. She shouldn’t be teasing me when she’s getting casual lectures on torture and how to break another human being from CJ.
“I need to talk to him alone before you do anything,” I say, mentally preparing myself for the onslaught of questions I’m sure will follow.
CJ quirks a brow at me, and Baby sits up with an alarmed look on her face.
“Why?” CJ asks the question that’s clearly on both of their minds.
Shrugging, I try to act like it’s no big deal. “I have questions of my own that need to be answered. The man stole my money, and I want it back—”
Baby interrupts me. “Alec, I don’t think that’s a good idea. You can’t… You shouldn’t taint your soul or whatever it is you were just warning me against. Neil is my problem, not yours.”
