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“You did everything you could, brother. This isn’t on you.” I repeat the words over and over until he hugs me back and his breathing evens out.
I don’t know how long we embrace each other, long enough to get uncomfortable.
“Are you good?” I say so softly Baby and Kas won’t be able to hear me, and when CJ nods, I let him go.
Knowing that it’s my turn, I remain standing. As soon as CJ sits down again, I say, “I think Mr… I mean, Neil… I think Neil knew my mom.” I say. It’s fifty percent to help CJ by changing the subject, and the last is because I know I need the band-aid approach, or I might have avoided it forever. “Look, during one of my visits down there, he said something about her, which isn’t out of the ordinary, right? I mean, to hack my account, he must have known something. Maybe Mark did a background check or whatever… That’s not important! The gist of it is that the way he said it sounded like he really knew, and not just from reading it in a file.”
After I drop the second bomb of the evening, it’s so quiet I can hear a car somewhere outside, which is rare in our house.
“Why do you think that?”
“Are you sure?”
“But—”
Kas, Baby, and CJ all speak simultaneously, giving me whiplash just by thinking about who to address first. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Baby getting off the floor, taking one hesitant step toward me. Like the bastard I am, I shake my head. The fleeting hurt in her eyes almost makes me cave.
Almost.
To give me an excuse, I walk to the kitchen and grab a beer from the fridge before going back to join them.
“You weren’t down in the basement with us when he made the comments, CJ. However, he described fucking a woman who had a kid that hid inside a wardrobe and that she was so bad he demanded a refund. He even commented on the woman’s pimp cutting her up, all of which happened to my mom.” I breathe deeply to steady myself, take two large swigs of the beer, and inhale deeply again before I’m ready to continue. “It could all be a coincidence. He might never have fucked my mom, but what if he did? What if he’s one reason her life went to shit and she left me? I have to know.”
I’m panting as if I’ve just been exercising, and I hate knowing I must look weak. I know it shouldn’t matter with the three of them, but it does.
Until now, I haven’t let myself think a lot about this. Fuck, even earlier today, I convinced myself that my beef with Neil is because of what he did to Mia and Kas—and it is, but it’s also more. I can’t ignore this. If there’s even the smallest sliver of a chance he knows anything about my mom, I need to know.
Fuck, this is all so messed up, and my thoughts are all over the place. I know I need answers before I can answer any of the million thoughts in my head, but that doesn’t stop them from popping up. Like, what do I do if Neil really knows anything about my mom? Will I need to beg my brothers and Baby to spare his life? Can I be that selfish if it comes to it?
“Of course, you need to know,” Baby agrees without hesitation. “Alec, Neil will say anything to get under your skin. I understand, and I agree. You need to know for certain.” She’s still standing in the spot halfway between the chair CJ is sitting in and the wall I’m leaning against.
“Well fuck, is that why you want to talk to him alone?” CJ asks, and I nod.
Kas surprises me when he gets up and walks over to hug me. We’ve never really been touchy-feely in our friendship, and the number of times we’ve hugged can probably be counted on two hands—well, after tonight, I would need a third hand.
Fuck me, it must be something in the water making us all huggy and shit.
“Whatever you need, you let us know. If he did anything to your mom, you need to know. Fuck it, we all need to know. Do what you have to do.”
