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LeaningagainstAlec’scar, I watch CJ and Mia as they exit the school where they attend their Business Class every Monday and Thursday. Even though the classes started back up on Monday, neither of them was there, but they somehow decided it was a good time to go back today. I can’t say that I fully understand why.
Maybe it’s even good that they’re here. There isn’t much normalcy in our lives right now, so this could be exactly what they both need. I can’t hold it against them that they picked today when I never told Mia I wanted us to do something tonight.
I punishingly kick a stone whose only crime is to be in my path at the wrong time. “That’s what you get for being a world champ procrastinator,” I mumble to myself.
Yep, you know things are weird when you have verbal conversations with yourself, mostly to tell myself that I told me so…
As I said, weird!
My thoughts are derailed when the wind picks up, parting Mia’s coat to reveal the deep blue business-like dress she’s wearing beneath. She looks entirely too fuckable in her matching pumps and black pantyhose. It’s moments like these where I wonder if there’s something wrong with myself, CJ, and Alec—why else would we ever let her leave our beds?
“Kas, what are you doing here?” The beaming smile on her face makes my argument with Alec entirely worth it.
“You need to stop feeling guilty, for fuck’s sake. You lost your memories, get over it. We have more pressing matters at hand,”Alec said. Though he lost his bark when he tossed me his car keys all of ten seconds later.
Is it any wonder that I feel guilty? Of course not. It’s perfectly natural after the way I behaved without my memories. Yeah, yeah, I know I was force-fed lies and manipulated like a puppet on strings by the Rileys. So what? That excuse only gets me so far since I believed two strangers over my brothers.
Now, the real thing I’m curious about is whether I’m guilty, ashamed, or both—and yes, I know I’m only focusing on that to once again procrastinate. Seriously, I should get a tee printed saying #ProcrastinatingChamp.
“I take it you didn’t come to give us a lift then,” CJ says while annoyingly snapping his fingers in front of my face.
Like the mature man I am, I say, “Not you. You have to find your own way home.” Then, just because I don’t feel like embracing my inner adult, I smirk at him.
“W-what?” he asks, and his astounded facial expression makes me feel a little better about tonight. “Are you really only here to pick up Mia?” I nod my affirmation, still smirking because this is too comical.
Looking over at Mia, I’m pleased to see that her eyes are filled with mirth. “So how about it, sweets? Wanna go somewhere with me tonight?”
She thoughtfully taps her chin, dragging out the moment. “Sure, where are we going?” I don’t think I’m imagining her hunched shoulders or how the cheeriness in her voice sounds forced now.
What just happened?
Oh, right, I’m taking her away from her pet, and I bet CJ only got her to go to Business Class with him by promising they could do mean things to Mr. Riley later on. Hmm, I hadn’t considered that snatch in my rush to make Alec lend me his car.
“We can go home if you want,” I offer. Even though I secretly hope she’s going to say no, I can’t bring myself to persuade her.
One of the hardest things about losing my memories and then regaining them is that the world didn’t standstill. Life carried on full steam ahead, and without knowing better, I carved out a fresh path. And now… Well, now I’m doomed to all the memories and knowledge.
I feel like I’m living in a Sci-Fi movie with parallel universes. One, where Kas and Mia met and hit it off. Had a fantastic time together, fell in love, and tralalala. Then there’s the other one, where Kas let himself be manipulated into betraying Mia, pushing his brothers away, and now he doesn’t want to live with the outcome.
I have no idea if any of this would make sense to someone not living in my head, and I’m not even sure it makes sense to me. All I know is that I feel better thinking about myself in the third person because then it feels less like it’s my fucked up life.
Welcome to the Kas show!
“… Mia, I think it would be good for you to go with him, especially if you drop me off at home first.”
Shit, have they continued talking while I’ve indulged in my fucked up thoughts that make little sense?
“I guess it can’t hurt… At least it will give Alec more time with Neil. Maybe you should come with us, Coen. That way, Alec has the house to himself.”
Wait, what? No, abort, abort!
Of course, I don’t say this out loud. I’m only thinking about it with a polite expression on my face because I’m… Yeah.
I’m almost surprised to hear CJ say, “Nah, I need to get some sleep.” Then when I see him looking at me, I get it. It’s not that he doesn’t want to come along, it’s that he knows me too well and doesn’t want to take tonight away from me.
Not that I can claim to be excited anymore. Having your girl try to dodge your invite and then invite someone else on the date—that she doesn’t know is a date—is not exactly a great motivator. However, it’s not like I can hold it against her since I haven’t told her anything. Or did I? This is getting too convoluted, even for me.
Mia sighs audibly and looks at the sky before saying, “Okay.”
