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Four measly letters, yet she says it with the same enthusiasm one would show if they had to get an injection.
We all get into Alec’s car, and I turn the radio up so loud I can’t hear my own thoughts, which is precisely what I’m trying to drown out. It’s not CJ or Mia that’s bothering me, well, maybe she is a little—but it’s mainly myself. That’s a problem, right? When you’re not just your own biggest enemy but also your own major annoyance.
I still don’t like driving, which also brings down my mood. I used to… Not exactly love it, but I enjoyed it. It was more than a means to get from A to B, and now it’s nerve-racking. Although Alec said nothing, I know he’s afraid I’ll crash his pride and joy. That’s why he gets major bro points for not bringing it up. Maybe I should start a scoreboard with him as well. No, that’s another bad idea from yours truly. He would beat me right away.
Accepting the hug the other night was at least thirty-seven and a half points, and lending me his car has to be twenty-one point three points right there. Then, like that’s not enough, he’s also the one who got me to drive again, and that’s worth seven hundred easily.
After Christmas, Alec was too restless to sit in the house, despite his need to be near Mia. So, he convinced me to go on drives with him, and eventually, he made me take the wheel. Come to think of it, I don’t even know how it happened. All I know is that I felt like twenty MPH was too fast. Luckily for me, Alec promised to take that to his grave—which was probably another poor taste pact to make right after Mia’s second dad was killed.
Thank fuck no one can read my mind!
“Dude, you missed the turn for our street.” Tapping me on the shoulder, CJ leans closer and adds, “Actually, it doesn’t matter. Just drop me off here.”
I’m so focused on my driving that I barely tell him bye when he exits the car after I pull up to the curb.
“Do you want me to drive?” Mia asks as soon as CJ is gone and we’re alone in the car.
I contemplate this for a few seconds, feeling within myself to see if I want her to. No, I can do this. And I say, “No thanks, sweets.”
Mia places a hand on my thigh and squeezes lightly. “Okay, tell me where we’re going.” There’s that forced cheerfulness again, and I’m wondering if it’s me bringing that out in her.
“Are you sure you’re okay with not going straight home?”
She looks at me with an expression I can’t place and says, “No, I’m not sure. But I want to spend time with you, and going home would distract from that, even if you didn’t already have plans for us.”
That makes me feel better to know that she wants to be here with me, and I hope she won’t change her mind when we get to the place I have in mind. Deciding that it’s better to check with her now, I ask, “Would you object to going to your apartment?”
I honestly have no idea how she’s going to react. As far as I know, there’s nothing wrong with her place, and I’m not aware of any bad feelings toward her apartment of solitude. However, I also can’t ignore the fact that there must be a reason she hasn’t been back there. And no matter how much I want to stroke my ego by believing we’re the reason, I just don’t know.
“Hmm, no. We can if you want to.” The indifferent tone doesn’t offer any reassurance, but I decide to take her words at face value without looking for a hidden meaning.
The doorman in Mia’s building tips his hat at her. Like actually bows his head and tips his hat respectfully. “It’s good to see you again, Miss Hargraves. I hope you’re doing well.”
Mia nods and exchanges a few pleasantries with him while we wait for the elevator, but as soon as it arrives, she rushes inside like she can’t get away from him quick enough. Of course, that’s likely because he asked how Mark’s doing. She dodged that question like a boss, and then she was saved by our ride to her home. Or is it her former home? I feel like I should ask her once and for all.
I love having her around our house, and I want to know if she’s there to stay. Maybe she hasn’t considered that yet, in which case, she might want to talk about it.
“Home sweet home,” I say after she unlocks the door, and we enter. The only answer I get is a wry smile before we head to the kitchen. And yep, I was right. This is where we first kissed.
Although I have my memories back, it’s still hard to sort through them. Sometimes I can’t tell if it’s a genuine memory or a dream memory. Like when we had phone sex… I’m sure that was the first and only time we ever did that, yet it felt like we’d done it before. It felt so natural, and… now my cock is growing faster than Pinocchio’s nose.
“Is it okay if we eat here?” Mia gestures toward the dining table in her kitchen.
With a shrug, I say, “Sure.” It’s not like I have a reason to object.
Why the fuck does this feel so weird and awkward? It’s worse than the first time I did the yawn and stretch maneuver to reach for my first girlfriend’s tit, which is probably not the best thing to think about right now.
I look around before sitting down, and even though I recognize her apartment, there’s something off about it. Letting my eyes scan across the floor and surfaces, I try to pick up on whatever wrongness that’s niggling at my brain, but I come up with nothing. After sitting down, I reach across the table and take her hand, stroking her soft skin with my thumb. “Mia, I’m not sure I ever really apologized to you the way I should have. I’m not even trying to make excuses, because nothing will be enough for what I did.” When she looks like she’s about to speak, I hold up one finger. “The night I got my memories back was obviously not the night to talk about it, and maybe I should have brought this up sooner. I keep telling myself I haven’t out of respect for your loss, but I think that was just another excuse for me to hide behind. The truth is that I don’t know what I can even say at this point.” I want to look away from her beautiful face so badly, but I can’t.
I’m transfixed and keep staring at her while simultaneously willing her both to talk to me and not to. My head is a fucking treat to be in these days.
“Kas…” Her voice cracks and a single tear falls from her eye. I keep watching it as it descends until finally resting on her chin. “You have nothing to apologize for. The situation was out of your hands. Yes, you should have listened to Coen and Alec, but I understand why you didn’t.” She sighs deeply, like it’s taking a lot from her to talk to me.
Without meaning to, I blurt out, “So, if that’s not why you’re upset with me, then why are you?” Fuck, I wish I could force the words back into my mouth or go back in time before I spewed that nonsense.
Quirking a brow at me, Mia says, “What? I’m not upset with you.” Her tone lets me know that her surprise is genuine.
I run my free hand through my hair, messing it up more than usual. I want to explain it to her so badly, but how can I when I can’t even make sense of it myself? On top of that, it’s not as if she’s done anything that makes it okay for me to make it all about me.
