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I’ve all but forgotten about Kas and Coen until the former clears his throat and drawls, “Well, well, well… Is this exclusive, or do you plan on thanking us all like that? After all, I carried your favorite blanket.” Laughter is palpable in his voice, and I smile sadly against Alec’s lips.
After sliding down from Alec, I turn around so I have my back against his front, but I refuse to step away from him. “If you want something, come and get it.” The challenge is really more of an open invitation, one that Kas is all too happy to accept.
In two strides, he closes the distance between us and picks me up, and after wrapping my legs around him, I place my hands on his shoulders. His blue eyes spark with amusement. “Hi there.” Rubbing his nose against mine, he looks intently into my eyes, and it’s almost unnerving. I feel like he can see every thought and feeling I’ve ever had, as if my eyes truly are the mirror to my wretched lying soul.
I don’t know if thought alone is enough to corrupt one’s soul, but if it is, there’s no hope for mine, and it’s just as well that I don’t have any religious beliefs.
“Did you want something?” I whisper, still looking into his blue eyes. We’re so close that I can feel his glasses on the tip of my eyelashes every time I blink.
Kas chuckles, “Yes. This.” Tilting his head slightly to the side, he captures my lips with his.
I’m slightly surprised that Kas is as eager as he is, but I guess I shouldn’t be. Now that he has his memories back, he knows exactly what we had, and I’m happy that he isn’t holding back. At the same time, it’s odd because we haven’t had a chance to talk about it. Not willing to think about that night, I try to switch my brain off, and I allow myself to focus on the sensation of Kas’ tongue dancing with mine.
I gasp in surprise when Kas moves his hands from my waist and up to cup the back of my neck. Not because he moved his hands, but because Alec cups my ass. Still at my back, he has full access to the globes that he kneads with both hands. I moan into Kas’ mouth, and I can’t stop myself from moving my hips when I feel him harden between us.
This would be perfect if there wasn’t one missing. I don’t allow myself to get fully consumed by the two men sandwiching me, and I won’t be as long as someone is on the outside. Turning my head, I pull away from Kas and look toward Coen, who’s watching us through hooded eyes.
“Come here,” I purr, and hold an arm out toward him. Much to my disappointment, he shakes his head, and I sigh.
“Don’t be a spoilsport, CJ. Do as the pretty woman says,” Kas says while peppering my neck with kisses.
Coen looks away before he answers. “No can do. That would make her a cheater, since I’m not one of her boyfriends anymore.”
A cheater… A cheater… I'm already a cheater!
The casual tone Coen uses makes my hackles rise, and I freeze in Kas’ arms.As if they can sense the change in my mood, Alec and Kas let go of me so I can walk over to Coen.
“What do you mean you’re not one of my boyfriends?” I’m pleased to see him flinch at my bitter tone, and if I weren’t so mad at him, I’d probably want to congratulate myself for deflecting. “What more do you want me to do, Coen? I jacked you off under the table in class, I kissed you silly earlier tonight, and I fucking told you I love you. Is there anything else you need me to do? Do I need to get on my knees? Or maybe I should send you a juvenile letter and ask you to be my boyfriend? Then you can tick yes if you want to.” Despite my voice cracking at the mention of being on my knees, it keeps rising with indignation and guilt.
I don’t know why I mentioned being on my knees, because I’m not sure I can ever lower myself for anyone ever again. Irrationally, this thought makes me miss my power clothes. Of course, I know that isn’t the right thing to even think about right now, but when I’m squaring off against one of the best people I’ve ever met, I can’t help but feel my suit of power would be more than welcome. Instead, I’m wearing dark green leggings, flat ankle boots, and one of Coen’s hoodies. The makeup I cried off in his arms is long gone, and I didn’t replace it. Not having one of my sharp dresses makes me feel even more vulnerable.
Coen’s head whips up so he can look at me as he practically shouts, “You fucking broke up with me, or did you forget?” I’m taken aback by this outburst that all I can do is stare at him.
“B-but…” He’s right, I broke up with him. He even mentioned that his cock wasn’t mine when we were in Business Class. How could I forget about this? Well, it’s not like I forgot. Somehow my brain thought that our make-out session and my love declaration canceled the breakup.
I feel like a fraud bringing this up tonight, especially since I’m not being honest about giving Luis a happy ending. On top of that, I don’t know how long I can promise them. The only thing I feel somewhat certain about is that there will never be a happy ever after for us. I promised myself and Mark that I would do normal tonight?maybe even until the funeral?and I will. Being close with the guys is something I need, and I think they do as well. After tonight… No, I can give them until Mark’s funeral before I need to start my mission. I don’t know how they’ll deal with that, but Mr. Riley needs to pay. There can be no mercy for someone like him.
“But what, Mia? You might think you have shown me differently through your actions, but you never said it. Don’t I deserve to hear it?”
Biting my bottom lip, I look up at Coen through my lashes. “You do, and I’m sorry.” I take a deep breath to steady myself, so I can say what he wants to hear. “Coen James Birch, will you be my—” I can’t bring myself to ask him without being honest.
It’s bad enough I kissed Kas and Alec without telling them.
My heart beats faster, and I sway on my feet as I feel the color drain from my face.
“What’s wrong?” Coen asks, concern lacing his every word as he places his hands on my shoulders to steady me.
“I’m sorry, but I can’t do this. I’m sorry,” I whisper. “Let me go.”
He immediately lets go of me, but I only manage two steps before the room starts spinning, the light flickers, and I trip over my own feet and fall to my knees. “Fuck!” The scream coming from me is so shrill that it doesn’t sound like my voice.
“Sweets, what’s going on?” Kas asks as he crouches down next to me.
Yeah, what is going on?
“Here.” Alec places a bottle of water next to me.
Rather than answering them or taking the water, I look at Coen. Our gazes lock, and I try to convey that he needs to make me tell them. No matter how badly I want them to know, I can’t do it of my own volition, because I’m too scared of what will come after, and what their reactions will be.
