AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Whatisthisplace?” I ask so softly I’m not sure they heard me.
I don’t recognize the home we’re in, and maybe that is too generous a word, considering the state of the place. The yellow wallpaper is peeling, and there’s what looks like mold near the window of what I assume is the living room.
Alec self-consciously rubs the back of his neck. “It’s my apartment.” He doesn’t elaborate further and busies himself with laying out the blankets and pillows we brought.
Looking at Kas and Coen, I don’t miss the look they share, making me wonder if they’re as confused as I am.
Since they all had careers when they moved in together, this isn’t a place I would imagine any of them living. Especially not Mr. Health & Fitness himself. Surely, he’s aware of how bad it is to breathe in mold. Something at the back of my mind tickles me, like a memory that’s just out of reach. No matter how much I try, I can’t grasp the sliver of information I apparently have stored, and I keep looking around with wide eyes.
It’s a small apartment with only a kitchenette in the living room slash bedroom. Although I haven’t even seen the bathroom yet, I dread using it. I hate thinking like this when Alec is clearly sharing a secret with us, so I suck it up and try to muster up some semblance of excitement to be here with them.
Beneath the wallpaper, the walls are yellowish white. A dirty white that looks like it’s coated in nicotine, which makes even less sense. Alec is so anti-smoking that he would cover his mouth and nose with his t-shirt if any of the clients smoked in the VIP room.
The only light illuminating the small room is from the candles Alec insisted we needed. I can’t decide if the sparse lighting is cozy or creepy, maybe a mixture. As I look at my three guys, I allow my lips to form a genuine smile, and I decide that it’s not merely cozy, it’s perfect.
Before Coen came into my room earlier, I prayed and asked Mark to send me a sign of what I should do. I’ve never held much faith in a higher power, but if there is such a thing, I’ve more than earned Mark’s advice.
Maybe it was a sheer coincidence, but the first time I mentioned the options; be with the guys tonight and be open to spending time with them, or stay in the basement to watch Neil—it felt like a gust of wind grazed my cheek when I mentioned being with Coen, Alec, and Kas. When I reiterated the question, Coen came into the room—removing any lingering doubts about what Mark would want me to do.
Truthfully, I didn’t need to ask him to know that he would want me to leave the house and live like a normal person. Have some drinks, kiss my guys at midnight, and not think about the ways my life has been changed forever. Mark would tell me not to waste any time on Mr. Riley. In fact, he’d get angry knowing that I plan to ask Coen to help me break my former boss.
Tough shit!
Mark’s no longer here, and I need to fill the void he’s left as well as gain retribution for his presence being stolen from my life. But for him, for Mark, I’ll do my best to enjoy tonight and be present with my guys.
The thought of not being with Mark at midnight makes tears well up in my eyes. Although I blink profusely and swallow down my grief, I cannot erase the feeling of my heart being blown to pieces. My feelings are all over the place. One minute I feel like I’m drowning in an ocean of longing and hurt, the next, I feel anger wrapping around me. And then there’s my guilt. I haven’t told the guys about what I did with Luis, but I know I have to.
Feeling their gazes on me, I shake my head in an attempt to be present rather than living in my head. I’m about to plate up some of the food Coen’s mom eagerly gave us when I notice the scorch marks on the wall and windowsill. Gasping, I recall what Alec told me. “I got put into foster care because I accidentally lit our shitty apartment on fire when I placed a candle in the window, wanting her to be able to find her way back to me. She’d been gone for a week, and I thought it was because I’d misbehaved, and I wanted her to come home.”
“Alec,” I gasp, unable to move my eyes from the marks that are barely visible beneath the heavy shadows from the singed curtains. “Is this… I mean, it is, isn’t it?” Even though I’m not making much sense, he nods when I look at him.
Holding out my hand toward him, I’m relieved when he takes it and squeezes it ever so slightly. “Yeah, this is the last place I lived with my mom.”
I’m struggling with my feelings. On the one hand, I feel an immense sadness that this is the place he called home. On the other hand, I’m so proud and happy that he’s sharing this with me.
With us.
I wish Mark could see this.
The confused look Kas and Coen shared earlier makes me convinced they didn’t know either.
“Thank you for sharing this with me,” I murmur. Bringing our intertwined hands up to my mouth, I press my lips to his hand. This small gesture makes Alec stiffen, and I frown in confusion. “What is it? Did I say something wrong?” Maybe I crossed a line or committed a faux pas. It’s possible that I wasn’t meant to put two and two together, but now that I have, there’s no way to put the lid back on and pretend that bringing us here isn’t huge.
Before I can get too caught up in my thoughts, Alec answers, “Always, Baby.” One of his arms snakes around my middle, and he pulls me closer to him. I let go of his hand and throw my arms around his neck, which is no easy feat when I’m not wearing heels.
I know Alec won’t take this further. He’s way too sweet for that. Maybe they don’t think I’ve noticed the way they’ve each stiffened when they’ve accidentally touched me, and I don’t mean stiff in any sort of fun way. No, instead, they’ve quickly pulled back and mumbled hurried and unnecessary apologies.
Wanting to make tonight as normal as I can, I stand on my tip-toes and tighten my hold on Alec’s neck until he’s forced to bend. “Kiss me, you fool.” I almost hiss, frustrated that he’s not moving at all.
“Baby, are you sure? I—”
Throwing caution to the wind, I jump up and wind my legs around his waist, immediately seeking his lips. I place my hands on either side of his face as I deepen the kiss, and Alec’s hands rest on my thighs. I bite down on his tongue when he still doesn’t move with me. Not so hard I break the skin, but enough to shake him from this tin-man act.
Alec growls a delicious sound that goes straight to my core, and then he kisses me back like he’s desperate for each stroke of my tongue. We bite and nip at each other, each playful movement heightening the pressure I feel building in my lower stomach. It’s not just my desire he stirs, it’s more than that. It’s my love for him and my need to be with him—it’s all resurfacing and mingling together when we kiss as we haven’t in weeks.
We cheated on them, so you don’t deserve this.I picture Amanda’s smug face hiding in the dark corners of my mind. Logically, I know we’re one and the same—she’s nothing more than a coping mechanism I created to deal with him. But I can’t make myself get rid of her. She’s so much more than a non-existing companion or an imaginary friend. She’s the one who got us through the times in his office.
She’s right, though. I don’t deserve to have them making me feel good—but I’m selfish enough to need it and let it happen.
