AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Meg
Right away I could tell Cory was a man for whom the anticipation of sex was as exciting as the act itself. I played into that dynamic, sharing early on—and with a fair amount of self-consciousness—that I’d only been with one other person, the boyfriend I’d followed to LA, and that it had been over a year since we’d broken up.
“I hope it’s okay that I don’t have a lot of experience,” I’d said. We were on the couch, Cory’s shirt in a puddle on the floor where it had been dropped a few seconds before I’d abruptly pulled back. “I feel things for you that I’ve never felt before, but I need to go slow. This is new for me.”
“Of course,” he’d said. “I like that you don’t have a lot of experience.” He traced the outline of my jaw with his finger, trailing it down my neck. “That way I can show you the way I like to do things.”
I gave him an incredulous look, as if I couldn’t believe my good fortune. “Seriously?”
He tipped my chin up and brushed a kiss across my lips. “Seriously.”
If I hadn’t been looking for it, I would have missed the spark of hunger for a young girl, inexperienced and nervous. I knew then that the power was mine, for as long as I could manage to hang on to it.
***
By the third week of our relationship, I’d started my classes and was spending at least four nights a week at Cory’s house, a small bungalow in Venice. I inhabited all corners of my role, pretending to have problems so Cory could be the one to help me solve them: Your mistake was not reading the parking signs posted. Getting advice I didn’t need: Introduce yourself to your professor right away. They’ll grade you more favorably if they can picture your face.
On the surface, Cory was attentive and caring, but his affection was laced with control, needing to know my work and class schedule, who I spent time with on my breaks, or who I hung out with on the nights I didn’t spend with him.
I kept most of the details about my life as close to the truth as possible, though it was a tricky dance, trying to grow closer to him while at the same time keeping him from knowing that the nights we weren’t together, I was sleeping in my car parked on various streets on the Westside.
But I wasn’t doing all of this so I could still live in a car three nights out of seven. I needed Cory to want me with him all the time.
So, I invented a neurotic roommate named Sylvie who loved to get high. “It’s disgusting there,” I told him. “I can’t believe you don’t smell the pot on my clothes.”
I complained about Sylvie constantly and made sure she caused problems for Cory as well. I’d be too tired to go out to dinner because, the night before, Sylvie had had people over until two in the morning. I was late to meet him for lunch because Sylvie had locked me out of our room. Waiting for him to offer another solution: Move in with me.
But Cory wasn’t biting. Instead, he’d tell me stories about his college roommate, Nate, who’d once had a girl in their room for over twenty-four hours, forcing Cory to sleep in the common room. Or the time Nate accidentally set fire to a plant that had died on their windowsill.
The nights in my car became almost intolerable as I tossed and turned, my blankets too scratchy compared to the high-thread-count sheets at Cory’s. Trying to sleep in the chilly fall weather, having to wait until daylight to find a bathroom.
Which is why, on a Tuesday night in mid-November, I showed up at his apartment carrying a large duffel bag filled with my clothes, my hair messy and my eyes red.
“What’s this?” he asked as I dropped my bag on the floor by the front door.
“I got kicked out of the dorm,” I told him, letting my voice wobble.
“What? What happened?”
“Fucking Sylvie happened.”
He guided me into the living room, sat me on the couch, and poured me a glass of wine. I gave him a grateful look and took a sip. “Someone said they smelled marijuana coming from our room. The RA came and did a search and found a stash of pot in our fridge. Sylvie swore up and down it wasn’t hers. Obviously, I said the same.” I closed my eyes and tried to imagine the scene. How desperate I must have been to be believed. How much that would derail the plans I’d made for myself, if any of them had been true. “We were lucky we didn’t get kicked out of school. But we’re both out of the dorm. Sylvie will just move back home with her parents, but I’ll have to figure something else out. And fast, if I don’t want to live in my car.”
As soon as I said the words, I regretted them. Too close.
Cory pulled me into a hug and I let myself rest against him, counting the beats of his heart, waiting.
“Move in here,” he said.
I pulled back, wide-eyed. “No way,” I said. “It’s too soon.”
“You practically live here already,” he argued. “It’s just a few more clothes and a key on your key ring.”
Relief unfurled in my chest, but I shook my head, my tone firm. “My mother taught me to earn what I need, not take it from a man willing to trade sex for convenience,” I told him.
He looked hurt. “Is that how you see me?”
“Of course not,” I told him. “But favors create expectations, which create resentment. What we have is still new. I don’t want to ruin it.”
