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He dipped his head, smiling. “Yes, ma’am. I’ve called Sax, and he’s on his way.”
“Sax, okay, yeah.” I was distracted again, trying to put the pieces together. “Thank you, by the way. I… yeah, just thanks.”
He nodded, standing this time and offering me a hand. I took it, not sure I could stand on my own after the chemical anyway.
“You’re welcome. I know it’s not my place to say this, so please excuse my overstepping, but I wanted to thank you for the difference you’ve made in not only Miss Imogen but Saxon and Nicco have been happier since you entered their lives. Even the boss seems to be improving, but don’t tell him I said that,” he chuckled, conspiratorially.
I found myself smiling with him, his presence feeling safe despite being one scary dude. He had to be as tall as Sax but was more nondescript, blending into the background. His eyes were kind, though, even if shielded. “Your secret is safe with me,” I answered, smiling up at him.
“Keeping secrets, Spitfire?” Sax’s voice rang out, causing me to jump toward Beau, his arm coming around me in a protective gesture.
Sax’s jaw ticked, and I watched as his fists clenched when his eyes narrowed in on Beau’s hand on my arm. Beau noticed as well, dropping my arm and stepping away. Bowing his head toward me, he fell back into the silent man, nodding to Sax as he passed.
Once he was gone, my bearded neanderthal relaxed and immediately advanced on me. “Spitfire, are you okay? Why didn’t you use the knife? Did he hurt you?”
Placing my hands on his chest, I looked up into his eyes, the concern and worry evident, easing my own fear. “I’m okay. He um… just talked. Told me his name, and when I realized there were two men with him last time, that was when they grabbed me, putting a hand over my face. His glove smelled like chemicals, and things went fuzzy. I guess that was when Beau stepped in. I remembered my necklace then and went to pull it, but he reminded me I knew him. I’m sorry.”
“Why are you sorry, Spitfire?” his brow raised in confusion.
“I don’t know. I guess I feel like I need to apologize for making trouble. I don’t know why this Darren guy keeps following me.”
Guilt flashed over his face, and it was then I realized he knew. All the pieces I’d been avoiding putting together for fear of what it would mean and the choice I’d have to make slammed into me. The real one, not the one where I thought I’d have to choose between all the men I was falling for, but the one where I had to decide between right or wrong.
Because I knew deep down their world was dangerous. I might not have realized it at first, but with each encounter, my brain collected the evidence, storing it away until I was ready to face the facts. Yet, now that I was here, it didn’t seem so black and white anymore. Who were the good guys, and who were the bad guys? I used to think it was clear, but life sucker punched me and turned everything I knew upside down. The good guy was no longer good; the lies he’d spilled in the name of truth were a mark against my stomach.
So maybe it wasn’t about good or bad anymore.
Maybe it was about the truth and the lies, and yet that felt dangerous as well. Was it better to tell a lie for a good reason than the truth for the wrong?
I’d experienced both, and I was beginning to think not all lies were created equal.
This choice would be dangerous, but, had I not felt more loved, more cherished, and safe in the times I’d been with them than I ever had with Brian? Had I not sought out the danger in the first place?
Maybe the dangerous part was ignoring who I was and what I needed. Perhaps that was my dark confession.
I wasn’t as good as I once believed either.
Their darkness called to my lightness and their pain to my own. The danger in the shadows lurked, but I found myself dancing with it instead of shrinking away in fear. The truth was, I’d been lying to myself the whole time, wrapping it up in good deeds and justification.
In reality, it had felt good to punish Brian. So maybe I was no different than these men who, while they hadn’t straight out told me who they were, they hadn’t lied about it either.
The truth was… deep down, I’d known all along. The brave thing would be acknowledging that and finally dropping the mask on who I was, on the woman I pretended to be, and embracing all the parts of me—good and bad.
Looking up into his eyes, the last visage of the mask that had clung to me fell away as I accepted my truth and theirs as a whispered confession left my tongue.
“Sax, are you in the mafia?”
