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HARPER
Mental imagesof Ryan and me tangled in the sheets three weeks ago circle through my brain like their sole reason is to torture me until my head explodes. Which at this point doesn’t feel like it’s going to take much longer.
But there’s no way I can forget how he devoured every inch of my body like he was starving and only I could satiate him.
And now look what the end result of all of that amazing sex is.
“Son of a freaking biscuit eater.” The words fly from my mouth a lot louder than I’d planned, but it feels good regardless.
Tara’s chuckle rings from my laptop speakers. “What was that?”
Oops, I didn’t know she’d come back after her potty break.
I shrug and grimace. “Practice?”
“Kid-friendly cussing, huh? I think you still have a while until you have to worry about that.” She shifts around on her bed, moving her laptop that’s placed on her legs.
My stomach rolls at the motion. “Tara, for the love of everything holy, please stop moving.”
Puking wasn’t on my to-do list for today.
She sees my face and flinches. “Sorry.”
I exhale a deep and bleak breath. “Is okay.”
Bleak. That’s the best way to describe this very surprising surprise indeed. Or maybe slightly gloomy? That sounds about right. Turning my night with Ryan into something else entirely. For a lot of people, finding out you’re expecting is one of the most amazing moments of their lives. A moment a lot of people wait for, dream of, pray for, and more than not, also plan for. For me, it just happened. The universe dumped this little surprise into my lap without giving me a plan to go with it. Nothing. Just: “Here you go, figure things out. See ya.” So yes, I’m definitely feeling gloomy at the moment.
I focus back on Tara, who’s playing with her bottom lip, which is never a good sign. “And you’re really sure you’re pregnant?”
Nodding, I lean toward the bedside table and grab the handful of pregnancy sticks so I can hold them toward the camera. “Tara, I took five different tests. Five. I think that qualifies as really sure.”
“Well shit.”
“Yup. Pretty much.” I swallow past the lump in my throat and look at my hands.
How much bad luck can one person have? I’ve always wanted children, but this definitely isn’t the kind of scenario I had in mind.
“I’m so sorry, Harps. And you don’t have Ryan’s last name or number?”
Shaking my head, I try to ignore the wave of heat rushing to my cheeks. “I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve wished I could go back in time and get a redo. It was so stupid to sneak out the next morning, but I didn’t want things to be awkward. He was lying there in all his naked glory, and I . . . I just panicked.”
Tara holds up her hands. “Hey, you obviously didn’t know this would happen, so there’s no point in beating yourself up over this.”
Images from my night with Ryan still occupy my brain, but what used to be one hell of a hot memory is now laced with an unhealthy dose of anxiety. Even with a handful of pee sticks, it’s hard to wrap my head around the fact that I’m pregnant.
I’m freaking pregnant.
Since I got a variety of tests, I’m faced not only with blue lines, pink lines, and a pink plus sign, but I also bought a fancy test that spells it out in all clarity. 2-3 weeks pregnant.
If it wasn’t for my dang period tracker app reminding me to stock up on chocolate for my upcoming period, I might have not even noticed my period being late for another few weeks. But here we are. Around five weeks pregnant.
“Harp, take a deep breath. You’re really pale.” Tara’s concerned gaze meets mine on the computer screen as my eyes tear up.
“How is this happening? I didn’t think I could screw things up even more, yet here we are. After everything that happened last year, this feels like the ultimate middle finger in my face. Now I have to raise a child . . . by myself.”
“Aww, sweetie, you didn’t screw up.” Tara offers me a small smile, but it doesn’t help to tame the frustration in me.
I sniff and wipe at my nose angrily. “How can you say that? Look at me. I’m twenty-four, my husband divorced me, I moved back in with my mom because I didn’t want to be alone, and then I lost my job three months ago too. I can’t even afford my own place at the moment, even if I wanted to. And now I’m pregnant and don’t know the father’s last name or how to contact him.”
