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He folds his arms and leans his shoulder against a shelf. “Okay, so what are your options?"
I lean my back against the wall across from him. “Well, option one is me leaving the country to escape a repressive regime that's trying to force me into bullshit."
Enzo nods. ”Yeah. A completely understandable option, though I understand why it sucks. What's option two?"
I blow out a breath. “I become a breeder."
He straightens with a curse, shaking his head. “That's not an option. That's a terrible fucking life."
I laugh with no real humor. “It's better than the third."
"What's the third?" Enzo asks.
I shudder. “That alpha my mother brought for me."
"Yeah, that's definitely not an option either." Enzo growls. "Why are you hesitating over option one? It's what you've been working towards since everything from the rally blew up."
"Doesn't that make me a hypocrite? To escape to safety when so fucking many don't have that opportunity?"
He cocks his head to the side. “I mean, do you plan to spend the rest of your life living like you're on vacation, or do you still plan to fight back?"
"I'd still write the essays and shit and send them to the OFF.”
Enzo frowns. “You've never been someone who was super hands on in the movement, right?"
I shake my head. “No. The rally was the first one I went to. I typically just send in the work I do from whatever I am."
"Then just because you're living in safety, doesn’t make you a hypocrite. It makes you smart. You certainly won't be able to continue inspiring people as a breeder or bonded to that piece of shit."
I sigh. “I guess that's true. It just feels... cowardly, I guess."
"You don't have to be miserable to be brave. You also don't owe anyone your suffering just to have a valid voice."
"Well, no, but... so many don't have the connections I do, or the money I do, so they don't have these choices."
He steps towards me, crowding me against the wall, his expression as serious as I’ve ever seen it. “You fought for every single one of them though. What was stopping them from doing the same? You certainly didn't have a family like Callan and Grey’s or Oliver’s, who would happily support you in this. You grew up in a home where it was even more dangerous for you to take that risk. You have fought long and hard for yourself, and for every other omega in this world, whether they want you to or not. You've earned a safe life."
My smile is tremulous. “Thank you. I was feeling so fucking guilty."
"I get that. It's something I've struggled with before too."
"What do you mean?" I ask.
His gaze goes distant, even though he’s close enough to touch. “This pack was always too good to be true for me. I'm just a beta, someone omegas and alphas like to fuck when that's all that's available, but we're not who they want to bond with. Especially mate bonds. Omegas want alphas and alphas want omegas, so it typically leaves us with just each other. It took a long time for me to believe Oliver really wanted me when he already had an alpha. It took me a long time to believe Grey and Callan would allow it. And even once I started believing it, I kept putting off the bonds, even though it caused stress for the mayor and Oliver, and hurt my pack. I felt guilty for not being ready, for needing to fully believe them. It wasn't their fault, but it wasn't really mine either. It was what I needed, and they understood that and were patient."
I hate the society that ever made Enzo feel like he wasn’t good enough. “That's great that you found them. I suppose I have used a lot of betas to get me through heats, but I've never planned to bond with them either."
He shakes his head. “I didn't explain all of that to make you feel guilty. You don't plan to bond with anyone. It's not just betas. And didn't you have betas help you because you were scared of alphas?"
"Well, yes."
He glares at me. “Then don't borrow guilt. You have plenty of it already."
"Do you guys ever travel to Europe?" I ask.
He doesn’t even blink at my sudden subject change. “Once we're bonded, we may. Why? Hoping we'll come visit you?"
I nod. “Yes."
