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OLIVER AND GREY RESPECT my preferences, and give me space as I settle into a routine in my new home for the next twelve weeks. I still set up at the library every day, but Oliver keeps his distance, only exchanging pleasantries and usually letting the other librarians and volunteers help me when I need it.
I haven't seen their beta around much either, so they must have brought the information back to their pack that I want to be left alone.
I try to appreciate it, but longing shoots through my chest every time I catch a whiff or a glimpse of them. Even while I tell myself it's better this way, a large part of me regrets the distance, wanting to bridge it.
Instead, I throw myself into my work, researching and writing more essays and papers, preparing for the rally next week.
I have no idea if Oliver is actually going, and I have no idea how I'm going to manage to sneak away either. Every day, I consider pulling him aside and asking. If his alphas are going with them, maybe they'd be willing to tote me along. If I show interest in an alpha, especially one with a pack, I'm sure I can get permission.
As long as they don't know our true destination.
I never ask though, talking myself out of it every time. It's too awkward to ask for something like that. And why would they let one alpha take two unbonded omegas out of town? The whole pack would probably have to go.
I'll figure something out.
Even if I have to sneak away in the middle of the night. Rose will cover for me. I could even pretend my heat came, and I need to close myself away.
That's almost definitely the best option. And hopefully my real heat won't come while I'm in this town. I'm not due for one for another three months, but they aren't always regular.
My secret fiction story is turning into a full novel at this point. I'm supposed to be completely focused on my essays that will be turned into a book soon, but the fiction keeps distracting me. I've created a world where there are no omegas or alphas. Instead I wanted to imagine what a world full of only betas would look like.
I used to cry myself to sleep every night after I presented as an omega, wishing and praying to somehow turn into a beta. I never felt like being an omega is who I'm supposed to be. I've met plenty of betas who hate their designation, wishing for the power of the alphas or the care and spoiling of the omegas, but all I ever wanted was to be a beta. Someone who can disappear, someone who isn't led around by hormones and bodies that betray them. And laws that control them.
But my prayers and wishes remained unanswered.
So I turned to science. It's become an obsession, this need to understand myself and my designation as an omega. What is part of our nature and what we've been trained to be by society and their need to keep everything and everyone in pretty little boxes all labeled and neat.
I hate boxes. I hate labels. I can't breathe, trapped by either.
My reaction to the omega and the alpha and beta in his pack is odd though. I've never been drawn to anyone's scent like this before. There have been plenty of people who are pleasing to my senses, but none have ever struck such a craving low in my belly. We don't have true mates or anything like that, but there's something in our biology that attracts us all to scents, betas included.
But I don't trust it.
My omega and alpha mother love each other's scents. But that doesn't mean they have a happy or wonderful relationship. My mother is an asshole, full of fury and dominance, and my father is her favorite target. So was I.
So even though something in my genetic makeup has me craving those three men, that doesn't mean I'm going to give in to my hormones.
I can't chance it. I'm sure my mother seemed wonderful when my father met her. But eventually she stopped holding back her rage and the rest of the pack doesn't do shit to keep her in line.
They don't do shit to protect my father or me either.
One day, I hope to free my father, to get him away from her. I fight so hard for omega's rights so that he'll have that taste of freedom one day.
And so that I will too.
So I'll continue to keep my distance from the tempting men, and plot my escape from this town. Maybe my beta friend from my last stop would be interested in going with me.
I wouldn’t mind seeing her again, even though it hasn’t been that long.
