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Chapter TEN ~ Past
I washed myself upand threw on some light makeup to help hide the sadness. Tossing on some blue jeans and a comfortable but stylish top. I placed both hands on the sink and looked at myself in the mirror. The pain is still noticeable in my eyes, but if someone didn’t know me, they wouldn’t even notice.
“Lexi’s right, Cassie. You can do this.” I sighed as I tried to convince myself and move forward.
Cassie’s Blossoms was drowning and I couldn’t let that slip away. I’ve worked too hard and come too far. I couldn’t expect Lexi to do all the work for me and keep the business going. She’s barely keeping it afloat, but I’m so grateful. Without her in my life through all these years, I don’t know what I’d do without her. And now she’s trying to pull me out of this. She’s trying to help me climb out of this sad pity pit I’ve drowned myself in. I’m allowed to grieve. I can be in devastating pain, but I shouldn’t ruin the one good thing I have left. The one thing that I’ve built from the ground up and I couldn’t watch it crumble. My business needs me and I have to get back on track.
“You’ve got this...” I breathed out loud and opened the bathroom door.
“Now, that’s what I’m talking about.” Lexi grinned and held out her hand. “Are you ready for this?”
I exhaled and took her hand in mine. “I have to be.”
“Well, I know just the place that may help.” Lexi announced as she tugged me towards the front door and I followed.
Grabbing my purse from the table and heading out the door straight for Lexi’s truck. My best friend always preferred something big and made her feel in control. Ever since she drove, it’s always been a truck. Maybe small-town living had helped with that, but I think at heart Lexi is a truck lover. We strolled up to her black truck that had seen better days, but still did the trick. Getting her to where she needs to go and completely reliable.
Unlike her love life.
Lexi has been unlucky with finding love and always seems to attract the bad boys. But there was one guy who we shall not mention that was the one for her. And I wish more than anything my friend could have that chance. No one deserves to find love more than her and I just know someday she will stumble upon it.
Lexi got into the driver’s side and I opened the passenger door to a mess on the seat. “Oh gosh, sorry about the mess. Let’s just toss that back here.”
I giggled slightly as Lexi grabbed belongings and tossed them into the backseat. A pair of shoes, a sweater, a gym bag and sunglasses all fell onto the seat behind me. Sometimes it looked like she lived in here and this scene wasn’t out of the ordinary for her. Lexi’s motto was to have everything ready just in case you need it. And her truck was the place for that.
I smiled as I took a seat and placed on the seatbelt. Strapping me in tightly as Lexi turns on some tunes and steps on the gas. Taking me away for a while from the place I’ve been drowning myself in since Matthew’s death. Trying to get me away and help me forget, even if it’s just for a little while.
I listened to the rhythm and drummed my fingers against my legs to the beat. Feeling more like myself for the first time. Trying to think of me and put myself first. Instead of letting the pain that still lingers inside take hold. I needed to be me again. I need it, Lexi needs it, and my business needs it. I have to face that life is going to still move forward whether or not I want it to.
“We’re here, Cassie.” Lexi announced as she pulled into the parking lot of The Dirty Dawson and my heart fluttered.
“Oh, I don’t know, Lexi. We haven’t been here in years...” I said in an uncertain tone and felt the need to flee.
“Oh, come on! This used to be our spot, our place. We used to come here to forget it all and have the time of our lives. This is definitely the place we should be at right now.” Lexi explained as she tapped my knee and smiled brightly.
This is also the one place I’ve tried to avoid ever since I met him. The one man I could never shake and always stuck with me. His brown eyes and brown hair. Tattoos placed on his body in all the right places and created the perfect bad boy image. The one I should’ve stayed away from, but couldn’t keep away. The guy that left me and never came back. But Lexi never knew that because I simply never told her. She never knew the truth of why I avoided this bar like an evil plague. But now it looks like I had no choice but to finally face it all head on. Just like the fresh pain that still burned inside of me and threatened to consume me whole.
“All right, if you insist.” I sighed as I gave up the fight and gave in to good times.
What could go wrong?
The Dirty Dawson used to be a place I loved to go and it could be that way again. I just had to give it a chance and stop getting in my own way. Lexi was just trying to help and I should let her. My best friend was trying to be my support and I should have trust in that. I should have faith in her because that’s all I really have left.
We got out of the truck in a hurry and giggled as we made our way inside. I’m left surprised by how much it hasn’t changed and everything remains the same. One would think after all these years something would be different, but it’s like I stepped back in time as soon as I walked through those doors.
“Come on! Let’s hit the bar!” Lexi yelled over the music and grabbed my hand.
Tugging me in the bartender’s direction as the lighting beams against the floor and brings back memories. Thoughts of better times when life was full of fresh beginnings and everything was easier. Life was just taking off and there was so much to still learn. And I never imagined I’d end up here. Grieving a man I just lost and trying to move on with life. Barely hanging on and grasping at anything to help me stand on my own two feet. Not wanting my business to fall apart when I’ve worked so hard to get where I am today. Trying to find some way to bring that passion back and continue on.
“Bartender, we will take a round of tequila shots, please!” Lexi announced loudly and beamed back at me. “First step is to drown your sorrows.”
“Oh, Lexi, I-I don’t know if that’s such a good idea...” I muttered in her ear with uncertainty at the idea.
Lexi turned around and gripped my shoulders. “What the hell do you have to lose?”
Fuck it.
Lexi’s right.
I had nothing to lose.
I smirked wickedly at my friend and cupped her sweet face in my hands. “You’re right, Lexi. Let’s do this!”
We laughed, and Lexi smacked my ass. “Yes, girl, let’s get wasted!”
I stepped forward and towards my escape. I needed to forget everything, even if it’s just for a little while. The pain was too much and could explode at any moment. And I need something to help take off the edge. But as I slam back the shots one by one, I’m still left with the uncertainty of the future. It still lingers within me, but slowly becomes cloudy as the tequila takes hold. Sucking on a lemon to help with the sour taste that’s left with each shot. Feeling the bitterness not just with the taste, but inside of me. Hating the way my life has gone and wishing for a better tomorrow. Something had to change because I couldn’t go on like this much longer.
But the escape would do for now. Taking me away as I grab Lexi’s hand and we sway together. Feeling the beat of the music and getting lost in it just like old times. Wanting nothing more than to feel free like I used to and be who I once was, even if it’s just for one night.
“Come on!” Lexi exclaimed over the fast-paced beat and pulled me out onto the dance floor.
The shots did their job as they hit me full force, and my body moved. I’m feeling light and free. Laughing as I spin and twirl. Throwing my hands up into the air and dancing to the music. Lexi dances behind me with her back against mine. Feeling her ass swaying to the rhythm in unison with my own. My life disappears and everything that’s happened fades away. My crumbling business, my grief and pain all leave me. All I can think about is the music and feel myself soar. Grabbing Lexi’s hand as she spins me around and I giggle at the thrill.
Suddenly, my back crashes up against a firm body and I giggle wildly at the shock of it. Feeling the firmness of it and the tequila still makes my head spin. Throwing me off balance slightly and grabbing Lexi’s shoulders. My friend’s wide eyes stared back at me and I wondered what’s going on.
“What’s wrong, Lexi?” I asked as my wild smile turned into a concerned frown and I spun around. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost...”
My words failed me as I gazed up into deep chocolate brown eyes I could never forget. Memories from long ago come rushing back. Flooding my dizzy mind and making me swirl. Not just from the alcohol, but the rush of him. A man I never dreamed I would see again, but now stood before me. His brown hair was much longer than the last time, and my body yearned to run my fingers through it. He consumed me right there on the spot and I didn’t know what to do. But it was too much for me to take. After everything that’s happened and all these years.
Why now?
“Cassie?” Dante breathed, and I could barely make out his voice over the music.
He reached out for me, but I held up my hand. “I-I’m sorry, but I have to get out of here...”
My legs took flight, and I fled as fast as I could go. Running away from a man I never thought I would see again. Leaving him behind with Lexi and getting the hell out of there. Trying to leave those memories behind, but all they did was crash right back in. Consuming me and making me see that I never truly let go of him. He’s always been there and now I’m leaving him. Leaving him behind and only remembering the look of confusion filling those beautiful brown eyes.
