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He rolled her over to face him. Chocolate brown eyes filled with a sadness and vulnerability that tore his heart. “I love you. This isn’t about doing the right thing, or not becoming like my father. I want a life with you and I won’t settle for any other woman.”
She didn’t move. Didn’t react to his words. Her dark curly hair fell over her shoulders and revealed the slope of a stubborn chin, full cheeks, and long nose. She was strong and beautiful and perfect. Panic roared through his blood and dimmed his ears. “Carina, please listen to me. I never thought I could be good enough for you. My age, our family, everything I believed myself to be. Now I see I could spend every day of my life making you happy you married me. Making myself worthy of you.”
“I want that, too, Max. But I—”
“What?” Her silence rattled his nerves and hope for a happily-ever-after. What more could he give her? What more could she want? He studied her face and looked deep into her eyes.
Then he knew.
“You don’t believe me.”
She flinched. “I want to believe you. I think you even mean it this time. But I’ll always wait for the drop. I’m afraid I’ll wonder all the time why you chose me. I look at you and my heart swells up and I don’t know what to do with all my emotions. It still feels like I’m sixteen and hoping to please you, or get a smile.”
Coldness seeped through his skin. In a way, this wasn’t even about him. This was about her own personal hang-ups and how she never felt good enough. Could he live like this? Always reassuring her or worried she’d disappear because of her insecurities? Dio, what a complete mess. How did she not see how special she was? How he didn’t deserve her? “We are no longer children, Carina. Isn’t it time you truly realize that, and how others see you?” The truth slammed him, and he sat up. “You are right, though. I need you to meet me halfway. I need a woman who believes in my love for her, who will stand by my side and won’t be afraid something will take me away. I need someone strong and brave.” His set his jaw and made his decision. “You are all that, my love. And more. But until you believe it, we don’t have a chance.”
“I know.” Her voice broke. With one graceful motion, she rose from the bed and stood naked before him. Resolution glimmered from dark eyes, along with a sliver of sadness that pierced his heart. “That’s why I can’t be with you right now. I need to know I’m enough on my own before I can take this chance again. I’m so sorry, Max. But I’m leaving you.”
She left him alone in his bedroom, staring at the closed door behind her. Left him wondering if he’d ever be whole again. Left him wondering what would happen next.
Chapter Fifteen
Alexa supported baby Ethan in one arm while she settled into the canary yellow futon. Her gaze swept the high studio apartment with remembered fondness. “I can’t believe how fast time goes by,” she commented. Her massive belly pulled at her maternity T-shirt that declared BOOKCRAZY BABY MAMA. “You have no idea how much wine was drunk in this apartment.”
Maggie rocked Luke as she nursed him. Her sister-in-law gave a snort. “Or how many of Alexa’s dates ended badly. Wine was definitely needed.”
The girls laughed and Carina adjusted the canvas she was working on. “Well, I’ve got a good head start. My Friday nights consist of chick-flick movies and a bottle of red.”
“You don’t have to stay away from our Friday night dinners, Carina,” Alexa said. “Max is barely civil anyway. Ever since you left him, Michael says he stomps around the office causing havoc, and is becoming like Miss Havisham in his big old mansion.”
Carina shook her head. “No, it’s good for me. I’ve gotten so much work done.” She stared at the painting in front of her—the last of the series—and shoved back tears. “I miss him, though.”
Maggie sighed. “I know, honey. But I think you did the right thing. You’ve been jonesing over Max your whole life, and it was always about what you could do for him. Marriage is a two-way street. You need to be strong on your own before you can be strong with someone else.”
Alexa looked at her friend in amazement. “Damn, that was deep.”
Maggie grinned. “Thanks. Been practicing sensitivity for motherhood.”
“Well, I told you I’m looking for a full-time partner for BookCrazy,” Alexa said. “You’d be perfect, and I won’t have to worry about Maggie filling in and chasing away my customers. I’ve already been in touch with a lawyer. We can draw up the contracts as soon as you decide.”
Excitement curled in her belly. For the first time, she’d discovered a talent that made her money and made her happy. Now, with the final painting in the collection, she was ready to take another big leap. She’d placed a call to Sawyer, and a consultant was coming to look at her work. She’d been warned the advisor was brutal, and if there wasn’t a chance at a sale, he’d tell her straight up. Carina was thrilled—she wanted honesty and knew if her art wasn’t up to par, she’d work harder the next time. Finally, her life began to shift and take focus.
Except for missing her husband.
A piece inside of her seemed to be permanently broken without him. Since the day she left, he hadn’t contacted her. Ten days dragged on until it seemed she’d go mad if she couldn’t see his face. He haunted her dreams at night and during the day. She managed to pour most of her angst into her work and hoped the gritty feel of her portraits translated to the regular onlooker. It was funny how heartbreak turned into great art.
Carina brought herself back to the present. “I’d love to be part owner of BookCrazy,” she said. “Thank you for trusting me, Alexa.”
“Are you kidding? You worked your ass off and proved yourself. I give nothing for free.”
Maggie nodded. “She’s a pushover with kids and dogs, but a shark when it comes to business.”
Carina laughed. “Good to know.”
“So, how is Gabby doing? She looks completely healed,” Maggie said.
Carina glanced at the dove who cooed in her cage. Gabby liked to listen to the other birds in the trees outside and seemed content to stay close to her side. But Carina knew it was almost time to let her go. The wing had fully healed, and her owner wanted her back. A tiny flare of uncertainty rippled through her. Maybe Gabby needed some more time. Maybe she wasn’t ready yet.
