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I blink, forcing my eyes to focus, making myself play the role of the even-keeled, steady, unflappable event host, even with Dad, despite the fire running through my veins. “Yeah, yeah. Going well.”
Izzy tilts her head toward Dad’s shoulder, looking at me questioningly. Of all people, she’s the one not fooled by my act. “Carson, what’s wrong?”
That gets Dad’s attention, and he peers at me a bit more closely, even dropping his glasses down his nose to get a better look. “You okay? Don’t tell me you’re still ruminating on Archer? He’s my son, and I’ll always love him, but . . .” He sighs heavily. “Sometimes, I don’t like him very much.”
Izzy pats Dad’s arm comfortingly. “He’s troubled, that’s for sure. But at some point, he has to take responsibility for his own shortcomings.”
It’s virtually the same thing I told Dad earlier, and on some level, I hope Dad can hear that and really let it resonate with whatever he feels about Archer’s and my upbringing.
But Archer isn’t my issue right now. Hell, I’d forgotten about the earlier incident. My brain’s only thinking one thing . . . Jayme Rice is a Brooks.
“Not Archer. Jayme,” I mutter. I run my fingers through my hair, tugging at the strands in frustration. “I . . . she . . . I didn’t know . . .”
Dad and Izzy look at me in confusion, not understanding what I’m trying to say. A reasonable reaction, considering I don’t know what I’m trying to say either.
Izzy guesses, though. “Did you two get into an argument?”
Dad’s brows shoot up his forehead when I grunt in answer. “What happened? I saw the look in your eyes when you left me to find her. I know that look. Did she . . . uhm, not feel the same?” he asks gently, stumbling over the question as though he doesn’t want to cause me additional pain.
“I didn’t tell her. Or at least not in words. But I thought she understood. And then, her brother . . . her parents. It was a secret.” I’m rambling, my eyes unseeing as I replay everything. Somehow, one thing does strike me through the noise of it all.
I can’t tell Dad and Izzy who Jayme’s parents are. I might not understand it, but she hid that purposefully, and I won’t tell her secret. It’s not mine to tell, anyway.
Because she didn’t fucking trust me with it.
My initial confusion became something akin to disappointment, which is all too familiar, with years of being the second-rate child, mixed with so long spent being let down by my parents. But now, it’s disappointment in Jayme, or maybe it’s once again that feeling as though I’m still not enough?
I’ve dealt with disappointment before, and it quickly turns into anger, the betrayal stinging deep and hot. I want to lash out. I want to demand an explanation from Jayme. Honestly, I want to climb on my motorcycle and speed down a straightaway. Maybe if I go fast enough, I can go back and this will have never happened.
None of it—tonight, Jayme, hell, not even the whole Abby Burks incident that started this mess. Just wipe it all away.
“Her parents are here?” Izzy asks, scanning the dispersing guests. It’s creeping up on ten o’clock, and for this crowd, that’s a solid hour past their bedtimes, but Izzy would switch the charm on full-throttle for Jayme’s parents. I know she would because she can tell how important it is to me. But it’s too late.
I shake my head. “Were. They’re gone.”
I know that much because I looked all over for Jayme, her brother, and her parents during my zombie march. But to no avail. Still, I glance around again anyway, hoping that they’ll have magically appeared so I can figure out what the hell’s going on.
Shit, I’d even take Joel scooping me up from behind the way he did Jayme, and that’s just wrong. But I’m that desperate to talk to her or someone who can explain this to me.
Because I need some answers. Now.
“Carson.” Dad’s voice is harsh and sharp, making me jump in reaction. I look back at him, and he places his hands on my shoulders, getting right in my face. “I don’t know what’s going on, but it seems like you need to talk to Jayme. Why don’t you go find her and discuss whatever happened tonight? I’ll finish up everything here.”
“Are you sure?”
Of course, he’s sure. It’s not as though I’m doing any good here now. I’m distracted and barely going through the motions, which is something we can’t afford after I just got done pulling my rep out of a nosedive. Truth be told, I think my righteous anger might be the only thing keeping me vertical at this point.
I nod and turn to go, but Izzy stops me. “Carson, you said, ‘It was a secret.’ I don’t know exactly what you’re talking about, but I do know a little bit about secrets and the damage they can do. Open honesty is the only way to be truly happy. You and Jayme both deserve that.”
