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Silas pressed the ring box into my hand. “Go and prove me right. Again.”
“I don’t know. He’s in so much pain, Si.”
Silas’s expression sobered. “I know he is, but once he sees you, he can stop being the hero. Stop pretending he doesn’t need anyone.” He smiled gently. “That’s when the healing will start.”
The following day, at the offices ofColeman, Cross & Benson,I knocked on Cynthia Cross’s door and then opened it without waiting for a reply. Terry was there, standing behind her chair, both of them bent over the art for the Banana Republic account. They both looked up when I came to stand in front of Cynthia’s desk.
“I’m going to Kauai,” I declared, the firmness in my voice shocking me.
Cynthia frowned. “For how long? The Red Bull account—”
“Is ready for production. And I don’t know how long I’ll be gone. I may be there for a few days or maybe…forever.”
Until I know if Asher still loves me… Until I know it’s not too late for us.
Terrance was smiling while Cynthia’s frown deepened.
“You’re going to move to that tiny island for that man?”
“I’m going to move there for the love of that man. I’ve never felt anything like this in my life and I’m not going to give it up. I can’t. It might be a huge mistake, or it might be everything I need but I won’t know until I stop being so damn afraid of how much I love him.” I looked at Cynthia. “You had a North star, right?”
“Mychildren.” She crossed her arms. “He’s yours?”
“No,” I said. “I’m following my love for him and the faith in myself that I’m doing the right thing. That I’m strong enough. That’s my North star.” I tilted my chin. “And if you want to fire me, I’m going to fight. I don’t want to stop working for this agency. I love my job and when you love something, you figure out how to make it work. If you value me as you seem to, thenyouwill help me make it work.” I let out a shaky breath. “So that’s where I stand. Just…thought you should know.”
They both stared at me, but time was wasting. I turned and strode out. I was nearly at my office when Terrance caught up to me.
“Faith, wait.”
I turned. “I’m sorry, Terry. That was probably more personal than is appropriate for the office, but I have to do what I have to do.”
“And I’m here for it.” He shook his head and chuckled at my mystified expression. “Didn’t I tell you to come to me with any requests?”
“You’re okay with me leaving?”
“Like you said, we can make it work.” He cocked his head. “That was quite a speech, though. One for the books.”
I eased a breath. For all my bravado, I’d still been scared shitless they’d laugh me out of my job. “It might be for nothing.” I swallowed hard. “It might be a short trip.”
He smiled. “Maybe not. But you won’t know unless you go, right?” He offered his hand and gave a firm shake. “Good luck. We’ll miss having you here in the office.”
“Thanks, Terry,” I said and breathed out another sigh of relief…which lasted all of ten seconds.
The entire plane ride to Lihue, my surety disintegrated, and a thousand panicked, inane thoughts crowded in to steal my peace.
This is a big fucking step. The biggest. What am I doing? Giving up my fabulous condo? Will Asher still want to see me? Can I even bring my Peloton to Hawaii?
“Excuse me.” I clutched at a passing flight attendant. “Can I please have a double vodka martini?”
But when she handed me the drink, I didn’t throw it back in one gulp as I’d planned. For all my brain’s hamster-wheel panic, the deeper truth was like a solid heart stone. A north star.
They say growth comes through adversity and strength is built by resistance. I wasn’t growing in Seattle. I was stagnant in my own complacency, marinating in a sparkling, bubbly, adversity-free existence that had been wearing me down. I’d needed to step out of my comfort zone and grow, which was why I sought out Kauai in the first place.
And it gave me Asher.
I loved that man with all that I was. I loved his island because it was where he called home. He’d been prepared to give it all up for me. He’d been willing to sacrifice being with his family, his friends, his buddies on the job, the contentment and peace that he’d been searching for his whole life and had found on little Kauai…he’d been ready to trade it all. And I had to hope the only reason he’d do that was if he felt some shred of that peace when he was with me.
More than I wanted cocktail hour and city streets and shopping sprees, I wanted to love him and be loved by him. Not to become lost in Asher and give myself up to him, but to bemorewith him. More of myself than I yet knew. Because I had something to give, too.
I touched the quartz pendant around my neck and smiled out over the ocean that stretched for miles. Endless. Like possibilities. Life wasn’t just one thing. Or even one place. It was boundless potential and experiences waiting to be explored. Seattle would always be there for me, but what I felt for Asher wasn’t going to come around again.
I refused to let it go.
