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Slowly strutting forward, my fingers dance along the pole, imaging that it’s Jude who I’m touching. Bending at my waist, I throw my leg up behind me, pressing my foot into the pole above my head. I hear clapping, but I ignore it because all I can think is that Jude didn’t come, and that basically means we’re through. That he doesn’t want me.
Swallowing my tears, I drop my leg, turning my back to the pole and sliding down it till my butt hits the floor. Lifting my legs over my body, I wrap them around the pole and then lift my top half off the ground, arching my back up. I want to look graceful, I want to be pretty for everyone, but I just feel like giving up and accepting that I’ll never truly be happy. Coming off the pole, I wrap one leg around it, spinning around the pole as my hair dusts the ground, running my hands down my body and then back up before climbing up the pole to do more tricks. But soon it’s all second nature to me, and I wonder if everyone knows I’m not enjoying myself, that I’m not even trying.
That I’d rather be in my room, my face buried in my pillow, crying over Jude.
When I let go of the pole, stretching my arms above my head, holding myself with my thighs, I spin and spin and spin, the wind I’m making cooling my skin and the light blinding me. I’m used to it though, I’ve practiced this over a million times, it seems. Holding on to the pole, I open my legs and slide down the pole until my thighs touch the floor as I look out into the crowd. When my eyes meet Phillip’s, and I see that pride is basically seeping out of his pores, I know I have to give this my all. He forgave me, he supports me, and I have to try for him.
Standing up, I kick my leg up, doing the splits on the pole as I drop my head back, my hands coming down my body into my hair as the singer sings his ass off. As I continue my tricks and wow the crowd, and hopefully the investors, I think that, yeah, we’re through, and yes, it is going to suck really bad, but hey, I had the love of my life young. Do I regret my decisions? More than anything. But at least when I had the chance, I loved him with all my heart and soul. I gave one hundred percent to us, but I held back something that I know was wrong, and because of that, I learned my lesson. Everything in my life has been a learning curve, and when it is time for me to love again, and Lord knows when that will be, I’ll love with all my heart and know never to lie to the person I love. I fucked up and I know this. I just have to accept that he’s gone, but still, I can’t give up a chance of a lifetime.
Dancing like this is the last dance I’ll ever do, and I know everyone is impressed when the music ends and the lights dim. Phillip and Reese jump to their feet as they clap and Reese cries. Blowing a kiss to them, I watch as men lay money on the stage, and I smile a thanks to them even though I’m not thankful for it. I don’t want the money, I want to see Jude, and I want him to wrap his arms around me and tell me he loves me.
That’s my security, that’s my safe haven…
That’s what I need.
The show ends as I step offstage, and the first person I see is Ms. Prissy. She wraps her arms around me, hugging me tightly as she kisses my forehead. “Phenomenal.”
“Thank you,” I sigh, and I try to smile, but it’s more of a grimace. It was my best pole dance, and I wish Jude were here. I wish he would have been sitting beside Phillip, cheering me on, but that isn’t what’s in my cards, and I’ll learn to accept that. Someday.
“They’ll be back in a few. Want to go change?”
“Yeah,” I agree as I walk away, heading to my station. Ellen is sitting at her station on her phone, her things packed up, and it reminds me that I need to pack up my things. I throw on my Bullies sweats and I start to pack as I say, “So you’re going through with it?”
She looks at me in the mirror and nods. “I love him.”
“He’s a liar and a cheat. You aren’t making the right decision,” I say, but I know it’s no use. She’s going to New York with Mr. Sinclair to run his club. Not only is the club going to suck, but they won’t last. He’s the dirt on the bottom of my shoe, and she doesn’t deserve that. Plus she couldn’t run anything. She doesn’t have the smarts for it, as horrible as that sounds.
“I don’t agree. We’re happy, so he left his family for me. It’s true love,” she says, her eyes diverting to her phone.
I watch her for a long time, and I just shake my head. Taking in a deep breath, I want to call her a dumbass, tell her she’s doing something so wrong and dirty, but who am I to judge?
Nodding my head, not in agreement, I say, “Good luck, Ellen.”
She doesn’t say anything to me, and I’m thankful for that. Quickly, I pack up my things just as Ms. Prissy calls me to her office.
As I pass by Ellen, she says, “Good luck to you too.”
I send her a small smile, and that’s all I can muster up for her. I can’t believe that she would stay with someone like that, but it’s not my problem. Mrs. Sinclair kicked him to the curb according to Jayden, so as long as she’s done with him, I should be too. Especially since I’m not even dating her son anymore, and plus, I’m about to find out my future. I have bigger things to worry about than dealing with Ellen’s bad choices.
Swallowing loudly, I go through the door to see that Ms. Prissy’s office is full. Not only are the seven investors from Vegas there, but also the lawyer that Phillip hired, and Ms. Prissy, of course. Taking a deep breath, I put a smile on my face and decide that this is it; I have to let go of the past.
And that includes Jude.
An hour later I walk out of the office not really sure what just happened. My skin is tingling, my heart racing, and I feel breathless.
Did that really just happen?
Like a zombie, I walk to my station and grab my things before heading out to find Reese and Phillip. They said they would meet me in the parking lot, and that’s where I find them, standing beside their car.
Phillip takes my box and asks, “So?”
“Tell us!” Reese giggles.
A smile covers my lips and tears rush to my eyes as I say, “I just signed a half a million dollar contract for three years to be the director and choreographer of Diamond Burlesque Revue in Las Vegas, Nevada.”
“Oh shit!” Phillip yells, wrapping me up in his arms and hugging me. I feel Reese behind me, kissing my temple as they both hug me tightly. Tears rush down my cheeks as I hold on to the two people who have been my rock my whole life. When I told Reese that my life began when I came to them, I meant it. I came alive when I met Jude, but now that’s all over. Knowing that makes the tears come faster, drenching Phillip’s shirt. Kissing my cheek loudly, he says, “I’m so proud of you.”
“Thank you,” I cry as we part. Wiping my face, I take in a deep breath. “I can’t believe it,” I laugh. “Me in Vegas!”
