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“You look out for everyone, don’t you?” she asks with a grin.
Meeting her gaze, I nod. “Yeah, especially the ones I love.”
She looks away almost immediately, and I can only shake my head. If she’d just look into my eyes, she’d see how much she means to me. But maybe that’s why. Maybe she knows and that’s why she is freaking out right now. She doesn’t know how to handle someone caring for her other than her dad, and I get that. She’s not the easiest person to get along with, but I…I can… And I want to be there for her.
She doesn’t say anything as I stand, sliding my wallet into my pocket.
“So,” I say softly. “That was something, eh?”
She nods slowly, sucking in a breath. “Something is right. Surprised you were able to do all that after the laps you did.”
“Nothing could hold me back from you as soon as you gave in,” I say then, and her face deepens with color.
“I didn’t give in.”
I laugh. “Never admit defeat, huh?”
Looking up at me, she smiles. “Never, especially to you.”
I shrug. “After that, I’d say we both won.”
Looking away, her grin is still on her lips, and I wish she’d just look at me. Clearing her throat, she says, “So yeah, we’re good, then?” Looking up at me, she nods and says, “I feel the tension is gone.”
I scoff. “You think so?”
She bites the inside of her cheek and nods. She’s not only lying to me but to herself too. The tension may be gone, but the need is still there. Screaming at us to go at it again, and while I’m down for round two, three, four, five, and even one hundred, I can tell she isn’t. She doesn’t know how to handle what she is feeling, and that upsets me. Why doesn’t she just let go? Why can’t she just trust me?
Unable to hold it in, I ask, “Why are you holding back?”
She looks up at me, confused. “What do you mean?”
“Why are you fighting this?” I say, moving my hand between us. “You feel what I feel, right?”
Holding my gaze, she sucks in deep breaths, letting them out in a whoosh. “It doesn’t matter what I feel, because this,” she says, mocking my hand movements, “can’t happen.”
“Even though it would be good?” I ask, and she shakes her head.
“You don’t know that, and I’m not willing to try. I don’t have time for it; I don’t have it in me. So please, let this go. It happened, we are good, and we can move on.”
I shake my head, unable to understand this. “I can’t move on from this. Not when I still want you.”
“Well, you’re gonna have to ’cause you can’t have me. My dad would flip, my career would suffer because… No, I can’t.”
No, she was gonna say something else, I just know it. So I ask, “Because why?”
She looks away and shakes her head. “Because I can’t. Just leave it be, Jayden, please.”
As I bring her back to look at me, she stares up at me defiantly. I can tell she wants to move her face out of my grip, but I won’t let her. “Do you really want that?”
“It doesn’t matter what I want, Jayden. Don’t you understand that?” she asks, her eyes holding mine. “I have one mission in life, and that’s to get into the league. If I allow you in, if I allow myself to be with you—if that’s even what you want—don’t you understand that it could ruin me when it ends?”
“Who says it will end?”
Her eyes go wide as she shakes her head. “So you do want that? What do you want, me as a girlfriend? Do I look like girlfriend material?” she asks incredulously. “I get it, you’re attracted to me, you like my drive, and you like having sex with me, but I’m not what you think I am. You don’t want me.”
I shake my head. “Whoa, you are giving me whiplash. First it’s that it’s gonna end, and now it’s that you’re not girlfriend material?”
“Yes!” she yells. “I’m twenty fucking kinds of crazy. I’m mental even, and I don’t understand why you even want to be around me.”
