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“Because I like you! And I think you need to shut up and let me decide what I want. I’m perfectly capable of making a decision for myself,” I snap back, completely frustrated with her.
“No, because if I do, and I let this go on, when you decide I’m not, I’ll be left to figure it out afterward.”
“Baylor, it doesn’t have to be like that,” I say softly, trying to breathe but having a hard time. “Give me a chance.”
“No, I gave a guy a chance before after he promised me that he was a good bet, and it blew up in my face.”
“Don’t make me pay for his mistakes. I’m not him, and you know that,” I say, but she’s already shaking her head. Letting out a breath, I look away. She isn’t going to make this easy for me, and I knew that from the beginning. But when I had her against that wall, I thought maybe I had gotten in. I thought maybe she realized that I was different. That she was different and we were good for each other.
Obviously, I was wrong.
“Fine, Baylor. Walk away.”
But she doesn’t move as the air crackles around us. My heart is hammering, and I’m two seconds away from begging this girl for a chance. I didn’t realize how deep I was until she told me I couldn’t have her. Looking back at her, I can see the struggle in her eyes. She wants to leave, but then she doesn’t.
“Can we never speak of this again?”
Or I’m reading this all wrong, and I’m a complete and utter idiot.
Letting out a breath of defeat, I nod. “No one will ever know.”
“Good,” she says softly. “It really was great. Like the best ever.”
Looking back at her, I scoff. “Then why are you letting it go?”
“Because I have to.”
She then turns and opens the door before disappearing out of it. No sorry, no thank you for rocking her world, nothing. Just silence. True Baylor fucking form. Falling onto the bottom step, I suck in a deep breath and shake my head. That girl is gonna kill me. Honestly, I’ve never worked so hard in my life for a girl. Getting her to realize that what we have is really good is gonna be the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but it will be the greatest victory of my life.
And I sure do love winning.
/> Especially against her.
Just keep walking. Don’t look back. Hold it together. Don’t you dare cry. You’re doing the right thing.
As I basically run from the rink to my dad’s house, I keep chanting those exact five sentences. This isn’t the first time I’ve done this. I’ve had to repeat those sentences a lot in my life, but for once, trying to say each one is very overwhelming.
Just keep walking. Don’t look back. Hold it together. Don’t you dare cry. You’re doing the right thing.
But it doesn’t help.
I look back, hoping he is chasing me. Tears are filling my eyes so quickly that if I blink they’ll splash everywhere. And this doing the right thing shit? Eh, I’m not one hundred percent sure on that one. While, yes, I don’t have time for what could happen between me and Jayden, it doesn’t mean I don’t want it. But it’s not controllable. I have no control over what could happen. When I let go, when I let my feelings do what they want, most the time I get in trouble. And I don’t…I can’t do that again.
But I can still feel him against me. I can still see his pleading green eyes, and my God, his scent is all over me.
I was supposed to walk away from that unscathed, happy even that we got rid of the sexual tension, but all I feel is fucking empty. Hollow. He was supposed to fill that void and he did, until I walked away. But I’m doing the right thing; I have to be.
I miss him. But would it even work between us? We are two totally different people on the same road that will more than likely keep us apart. Yeah, we both will, pray God, go into the league, but what if one of us was left behind? Could we handle it? I mean, he probably could because he’s just fucking amazing, but I’m a selfish, controlling, heart-set-on-winning bitch. A dumb-ass, driven brat who always gets what she wants, and now that I’m not, I’m being a baby.
I know my faults. I’ll be the first to let them be known, but what I don’t understand is how he still likes them, or even more, how he basically knows me.
He was completely right. I was mad at first that I fucked up and didn’t make it. I mean, I needed that spot and I’m scared that my dad is disgusted with me. But then it turned into how happy I was for him because he deserved it. He’s worked so hard, has the respect of everyone, and he is the best guy for the job. I know this. But then two seconds later, I am just freaking mad. Mad at me, mad at my dad, and most of all, mad at him. Maybe I did myself a favor. Yeah, the girlie part of me is broken over it, but the smart part of me knows he’ll be nothing but a distraction and I can’t afford that right now.
Because I know he’s the kind of guy you fall hard for.
I mean, how could you not? He’s driven, smart, funny, and charming as all hell. He’s protective and he gets along with everyone. The only bad thing about him is his daddy issue, but then doesn’t everyone have some kind of daddy or mommy issue? Lord knows I have my own and they are mile-high, and yet, he still wants me.
Oh my God, what the hell did I just do?
