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“Yeah, and listen, I know we’re busy, I get it. But that doesn’t mean we can’t spend the time we do have together.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah,” he laughs before squeezing my jaw in his fingers. “You look spooked.”
I try to smile, but I think it’s more of a grimace. “I’m not. Well, I am, but it’s just I don’t…um. What exactly do you mean?” I’m such an idiot, and when he starts to laugh, I feel even more foolish.
When I don’t laugh along with him, he stops laughing and presses his lips together. “Oh, you’re serious?”
I know my face is burning, and I probably look two seconds from belonging in a mental ward, especially when my hands start moving with each word that leaves my lips. “Yeah. I mean, I’m not really good at this dating thing, and I just want to know where your head is.”
He blinks, and he looks utterly confused. “Oh—”
“Yeah, like, I thought you just wanted to have fun because we’re both so busy. But then again, I don’t know if I’m made for fun, and I’m not sure I really know what fun is, so I’m a little confused. And these feelings I have inside of me aren’t easy to ignore.”
My heart is knocking in my chest and my skin is tingling as I look down into his perplexed gaze. God, he probably wants to run the other way.
“What do you want?”
I shake my head violently. “Don’t put that evil on me. I have no clue.” I look down at my hands, taking in a deep breath. “I just don’t want us to go into this without the same expectations.”
He pauses for a moment, and I can feel his gaze on me. “I don’t want to hurt you. That’s not my plan—”
“No, I know that,” I interject quickly. “I just want to be on the same page. Like, if we’re just hanging around and doing stuff when we can, cool. And if we’re dating other people, cool, though I don’t know if I’ll date anyone because it’s hard enough to date one guy, let alone two—”
“No, no dating other people.”
Our gazes meet. “No?”
“No, you’re mine.”
“Oh, I am?”
“And I’m only yours.”
I can’t breathe. My eyes are wide, searching his as I whisper, “Well, that’s good to know because you make me feel something, and I don’t know if I should ignore it or not.” He goes to say something, but I throw my hands up in the air. “I’m awful at this, and I don’t know what I’m saying. I just want to be honest.”
He takes my face in his hands, a little grin tugging at his lips. “I think we should just let it happen because I feel something too, and there is no ignoring it. Which is why I’ve been chasing after you so persistently.”
I’m sure he can feel my heart going insane in my chest. “What if feelings get caught up in it? Are we allowed to do that?”
He laughs. “Have you never had a boyfriend?” But I don’t laugh. I just stare at him, and I can see the realization come over his face ever so slowly. “Oh.”
“Yeah, don’t laugh. It’s embarrassing, but I was legit in the gym all the time, and I didn’t have time for guys, and yeah… No, oh my God, don’t look at me like that.”
His face changes, turning into a full grin. “I’m sorry, I’m just a little taken aback.”
“Yeah.” I look away, scrunching up my face. “I feel stupid.”
“Don’t. So you’ve never had a boyfriend. Doesn’t change anything.”
It doesn’t? Okay. But will it when he finds out I’m clinging to my V-card like a fat kid to chocolate in a candy store? That was an awful analogy! I’m shaking in my skin, and I hate that feeling. It doesn’t happen often, but it is affecting me now as I stare into Ryan’s gaze.
“Man, I bet you broke some hearts.”
My brows shoot up to my hairline. “How so?”
“I’m sure all the guys were all over you, and you just wouldn’t give them your heart. That excites me.”
I laugh nervously. “Ha, not really.”
“Whatever. You don’t have to lie, babe,” he says, laughing as he shakes his head. “Don’t be embarrassed, really.”
“No?”
He laughs some more. “I’m not trying to sound cocky, but you bring it out in me—”
“I do?”
“Yeah,” he says, flashing me that smile that hits me square in the gut. “But just know I’m about to ruin you for the rest of the male gender. And all those guys before me, well, they’ll never hold up.”
