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It was because of Tony and Rhys and Aunt Berta. When it had just been the two of them on their own, he had ended up in too many truly frightening, dangerous situations because of poor decisions she’d made or because there simply hadn’t been any more options.
She’d never forgive herself for endangering him.
Never.
So moving out wasn’t an option until she could be sure she wasn’t dragging him back into a bad place. There was no way she would yank Jasper from a safe, loving home just because she had made the mother of all mistakes and fallen in love with their saviors.
Which left her with just one choice. She’d have to harden her heart and try to rebuild the wall she’d let tumble.
If she stuck to her current budget—and barring any unforeseen expenses—they’d have enough to move out in a couple more months, three max.
“Mommy!” Jasper launched himself into her arms, his cheeks ruddy from playing so hard.
“Whoa, buddy. You need to calm down a little bit. And not so loud, okay?” It was a foolish thing to admonish him for, considering there wasn’t a single soul in this house using their inside voices.
“Billy has Super Mario at home and he said maybe I could go over to his house for a sleepover and play it with him. He’s going to ask his mommy.”
Jasper had never spent a single night away from her, his request driving home just how quickly he was growing up. “That sounds great.”
“Billy says this summer, Nonna is going to have another party for the Fourth of July and she has sparklers and ice cream cake and a blow-up pool we can swim in. And she gives full-size candy bars at Halloween, and Billy said she gave him five Snickers last time, but his mommy would only let him eat one a day. And at Christmas, we’re gonna have a turkey this big!” Jasper spread his arms as wide as he could. “And a bunch of presents. Like a million gazillion that it takes hours and hours to open.” Jasper’s excitement hit critical mass and he feigned complete exhaustion as he described a future that wasn’t going to happen.
And that was when the bottom fell out. Because Jess realized it wasn’t just her heart she hadn’t been guarding. It was Jasper’s too.
Shit.
How could she have fucked this up so badly?
“That, um, sounds great,” she said, but her words were wasted as Jasper had already turned, sprinting back to Billy and the other young cousins, all of whom were crowded around the table, helping themselves to the warm focaccia that Nonna had just brought out from the kitchen.
She’d been so worried about her own imminent broken heart, she hadn’t realized Jasper’s was about to get crushed too.
She blinked rapidly against the tears forming in her eyes. She couldn’t cry here.
Jess took several deep breaths, trying to come up with a plan B.
“Jess!”
Jess looked up when Tony’s cousin, Bruno, came over and gave her a huge bear hug. She’d met him a couple times as he’d tried to fix her piece-of-shit car.
She forced a smile. “Hey, Bruno.”
“Viv here has been after me to introduce you. Vivian, this is Jasper’s mom, Jess.”
Bruno and Viv were Billy’s parents. “It’s nice to meet you,” Jess said, offering her hand.
Vivian, who, according to Aunt Berta, owned her own hair salon, took her outstretched hand in hers, drawing Jess’s attention to her long, hot-pink fingernails. “You too. All Billy’s talked about since the birthday party is Jasper. Those two are thick as thieves already.”
“It’s been the same with Jasper.”
“Billy is after me to set up a sleepover or something for them,” Viv said. “We’d love to have Jasper stay over if that works for you.”
“Jasper would love that. Thank you for the invitation.”
“I’ll call you tomorrow and we’ll pick a day that works. Maybe next weekend.” Vivian linked her arm through Jess’s and leaned in, as if they were close confidants. “So, Bruno tells me you’re living with Tony and Rhys.”
“Dammit, Viv. Don’t be such a nosy busybody,” Bruno grumbled. “It’s that hair salon,” he directed toward Jess. “All she does all day is gossip.”
Viv waved her husband away, unoffended. “Oh, go away, Bruno. Like you and the boys at the garage are any better.” Viv tapped her fingers and thumbs together, in the universal gesture for talking. “Flapping gums and talk, talk, talk, that’s all you men do.”
