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“I love you, son.” He reached across the table to clap me on the shoulder and squeeze firmly.
“I love you too, Dad.”
My dad was usually right, and I knew he was spot-on about my mom. I couldn't dwell on it. I needed to learn to keep my tangled emotions around my mom from getting in the way of being a father and being a partner to Hallie.
I thought I had it all figured out.
Hallie was coming to Willow Brook more often. She liked being around Jasper. He loved resting his chin on her round belly. Hallie was beautiful in a soft, quiet way. Pregnant, she fairly glowed as if illuminated from within. I’d never thought myself the kind of guy to get all mushy. I kept telling myself to be gentle with her, but that just wasn't how it went for us. Once our hands were on each other, we couldn't get enough of each other.
Time and again, after moments of fierce intimacy ticked by, she’d be resting on the pillows, her cheeks flushed pink and her eyes hazed with passion in the aftermath. She looked luminous. Lately, she thought she looked frumpy. Whenever she tried to zip her winter coat, she’d frown down at her round belly.
“You're beautiful,” I assured her one morning.
She rolled her eyes. “Thank you. I didn't even have to train you.”
I laughed. “Do you want to come into town with me?” I asked. I had to run by the station because I was on call for the weekend and I'd forgotten my on-call bag.
“If you don't mind, I'll just wait here.”
“Of course not. I won't be long.”
I wasn't. I returned roughly half an hour later, walking in to hear the tail end of a phone call.
“I'm so glad everything's going well. I'd love to be there. Oh, you're coming here? That is awesome. Tell me when, and I’ll meet you at the airport if you need a ride.”
I couldn't help but be curious. It was my old habit, the eavesdropping habit.
“We're doing really well.” I heard her say. There was a moment of silence, and then she said, “Miss you, love you. Take care.”
I couldn't help it, but I knew I’d fucked up the second the words came out of my mouth. I toed off my shoes and hung up my jacket, commenting, “You know I've never heard anybody telling a friend they love them.”
Hallie set her phone on the counter and turned around. “Excuse me?”
“Just an observation,” I added, trying to ignore the stab of uncertainty.
“I told you, Jonathan is one of my best friends. If you're worried, that’s ridiculous. He’s happily married to his husband.”
I was still feeling a little stubborn on this point. “Yeah, but you love him.”
“Like afriend. I tell my friends I love them. Just because you don't do that doesn't mean other people don't.” Her eyes narrowed. “What is your problem with this?”
“Nothing,” I said quickly.
It was just all of these conversations sounded so much like the conversations my mom had when she was looking for another way out, a job, a new friend who would last a matter of weeks, the affair I knew about when I was younger, on and on. I didn't tell Hallie that.
“Look, Jonathan is my friend, and he's been in my life a lot longer than you have. If you're going to have a problem with him, then that's a problem for me,” she said pointedly.
We stared at each other, and I shrugged, not really meaning it when I said, “Fine. Understood.”
“He’s my friend. There's nothing there.”
“Yeah, but didn’t you try to date?” I pressed.
“Yeah, we tried. Once. We immediately realized it was a bad idea. That was years ago in high school before he came out. Oh, my god. Are you jealous?”
I was. I fucking was, and I didn't want to admit it. I shook my head.
Hallie wasn’t having it. “You know what? This is a line for me. I think we should back off. I can't deal with jealousy. You can meet Jonathan, and you can read all of my text messages. Here.” She lifted her phone off the counter and held it out. “Read whatever you want. You know my password. I don't have anything to fucking hide. You can ask anybody anything about him. I do love him as a friend, and he’s important to me. I don't know what your deal is around this, but you need to figure it out.”
