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ChapterThirty-Three
Chase
I was in the grocery store. Again. This time, I'd run out of coffee, so it was a quick trip. When I rounded the corner and saw Mr. Green standing in front of the coffee, my gut churned. He was a reminder of my mother and her habits. It grated at me that she’d shredded the respect I’d once had for my old teacher. He looked up, and for a second, I thought he was going to turn away. But he turned to face me, sliding one hand in his pocket while the other rested on the handle of his cart.
I tightened my grip on the basket I held, pausing in front of him. “Hi.”
He dipped his chin before leveling his gaze with mine, his eyes studying me. “I've been thinking.”
Fucking great.
“I deeply regret what happened with your mother, but I want you to understand something. People screw up. Kids screw up. Adults screw up. Weallscrew up. Life gives us one opportunity after the other to try to get it right. I ran into your father.” I nodded. “He mentioned you're struggling.”
I rolled my eyes. “I'm surprised you guys are still friendly.”
“What happened definitely hurt our friendship. Maybe we can get to the other side of it. Maybe not. I just want you to understand that your mom was always looking for something.” I nodded again. “I don't know if she ever found it. Her light shined bright. It was hard to look away from when it was focused on you. This isn't about me asking for your forgiveness, but I hope you can find a way to let go of how your mother’s choices affected your life. Because you can't ever change it. She's gone. Maybe you can understand it, and maybe that'll help you let go.
I amsosorry. For what my choices meant for my marriage, for my friendship with your dad, and for the way you look at me. It’s changed what I think of myself.” My breath was shaky as I took in his words. “I suppose I'm saying this because I hope you'll find a way to let things go. Not for anyone other than yourself and whomever you love. I understand congratulations are in order. You're going to be a father.”
My throat felt swollen, and I took a slow breath. “Thank you.”
“You're a good man, and you have an amazing father. You’ll be an amazing father. I know this.”
“Thank you.” I heard myself saying, my voice husky.
He reached out, squeezing my shoulder, something he had done back when I was a student in his class.
“Thank you for listening. It is what it is. You’ll make your own mistakes, and you'll wonder why, and you'll wish it was different. We all have lessons to learn, and sometimes, the things we think will never happen do. There's a difference between forgiveness and letting go. Both are more for you than the other person.”
I was able to take a deep breath before he smiled slightly. “I'm sure I'll see you around.”
I watched him go and got my coffee and left. As I drove home a few minutes later, I realized he had earned back some of the respect I feared he’d lost forever. Like my dad, he was dealing with the difficult, messy stuff and facing it.
Now, I needed to do it for me, for Hallie, and for our baby boy. I thought about calling her that night, but I wanted to have this conversation face-to-face. That was more important. I sent her a text.
Me:I'm thinking about you, and I love you. I hope everything's going well. If it's okay with you, I'd like to see you so we can talk.
I hoped she would reply, but she didn't. I started to get worried when she hadn't replied the next morning either. I called, but she didn’t answer. Just when I was about to give up and decided I needed to drive to Anchorage, my phone rang. I didn't recognize the number, but I answered anyway.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Chase?” a man said. “This is Darren, Hallie’s brother. I’m calling to let you know she’s at the hospital.”
“What?”
