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6
ZAC
Her mouth dropped open, and I swear I thought she was seconds away from hitting me for that one. Instead, she narrowed her eyes, keeping her voice low. “For a while? What isthatsupposed to mean?”
“It means I knew you didn’t want kids, Layla. So, even if you had chosen to come with me and step into a family that neither of us saw coming, how long until you decided it wasn’t for you? The kid just lost his mom. Man, I hadn’t even met him yet, and I still knew that the last thing I wanted to do was bring another mother figure into his life if she wouldn’t be there permanently.”
She huffed out a breath. “Okay, that’s enough. You’re making a lot of assumptions about me right now, and I honestly don’t know how to handle it. This was a mistake.” She reached into her purse on her lap and pulled out her wallet, slapping a twenty on the bar. “I’m leaving. Good luck with everything.”
My chest heaved as panic rose within me. This was not the way this conversation was supposed to go. I was supposed to tell her why I left, and she was supposed to understand that it had been the right thing. Her leaving angrier than she’d been before was not how this should end.
I reached out and grabbed her arm as she tried to pass me, the skin of my palm burning from the contact. Her eyes flew to mine, and I softened my grip slightly, but I didn’t let her go. “Layla, wait.”
“What?”
“Please, don’t go.”
She didn’t yank her arm away. She didn’t move at all. So that was something, at least. Finally, she chewed her bottom lip and let out a sigh. “Why should I stay? It seems like you’ve got everything figured out in your own head. You’ve already decided what kind of person I am and what choices you think I’ll make.”
“Okay, well, if I’m wrong, then talk to me. Tell me that. But please, don’t walk away.”
“Like you did?”
The weight on my shoulders intensified, and I let my hand fall. “Yeah. Like I did.”
Not fighting her on that last point must have done it, because she didn’t leave. She came back to her barstool and slowly sat down, facing her half-empty beer bottle. “How long did it take you to go from not wanting kids, to freaking out that you had one, to settling in and knowing you were going to stick it out for the long haul?”
I blinked, the answer coming easily. “Not long at all. He’s my son. At first, yeah, it was because I felt … I don’t know, obligated, I guess. Like it was my duty. But then I met him. And I loved him. Right away.”
“I see. So, that’s where the problem comes in for me.” She turned to face me, her mouth turning down at the corners. “Back then, if you would have come to me about this, I would have followed that same path. I would have gone from not wanting kids, to freaking out that the man I planned to spend the rest of my life with had one. From there, I would have settled in. I would have known I was going to stick it out. And not out of obligation. Out of love. The love I already had foryou.”
I swallowed hard, and it wasn’t easy. There was a lump the size of the sun burning a hole in my throat. The truth of her words was right there in her eyes as she watched me, waiting for me to reply. But I had nothing for her. Because now that I saw the truth—her truth—I realized how badly I’d messed up.
Layla sighed, my nonanswer apparently telling her something. I wasn’t sure what, but it didn’t look good. “This whole thing comes down to trust, Zac. You didn’t trust me to stand by you and your son. And without trust, we have nothing.”
Every single part of me wanted to disagree with her, but I couldn’t do it. She was right. I’d loved her, and I hadn’t wanted to saddle her with a responsibility that she hadn’t wanted. But at the end of the day, I should have trusted her to tell me that she didn’t want it if she really didn’t. Instead, I’d left. Hadn’t given her an option.
I rubbed a hand over my mouth. “You’re right.”
Her eyes flared in surprise, but she nodded. “Thank you.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t trust you.”
For a long moment, we stared at each other, and the terrible singing and the din of the crowd faded into the background. Finally, she opened her mouth to speak through trembling lips. “Why did you come back here? Why are you living in Bluffton instead of on base?”
I let out a low, humorless chuckle and took a swig of my beer. “Uh, for you. I’m stationed at Parris Island, but I wanted to be closer to you.”
“Why?”
“Because I still love you. I wanted to ask if you’d be willing to try again. I knew I needed to apologize, but I didn’t know … I didn’t really get it. Until now.”
She put her elbows on the bar and rested her linked hands against her forehead. After a moment, she turned to me with one hand on her purse again. “I’m glad you get it. And I’m glad I know why you left, even if it hurts. But your leaving broke me, Zac. It broke the trust I had in you. So, no. I’m not willing to try again. Let’s just leave it at this. We’ve cleared the air, and now it’s time to move on.”
This time, when she stood from her stool and headed for the door, I didn’t stop her.
* * *
The next morning, it took all my strength to push thoughts of Layla out of my mind. Being all caught up in outside drama was never good for someone in my line of work, so as much as I wanted to analyze what happened at the pub last night and see if there was anything I could do to fix it, I couldn’t.
