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I imagined that as I chewed my food, then regretted it as images of Beau examining unhygienic teenage boys flashed through my mind. I shuddered and got back to the topic. “That’s a lot of responsibility for you.”
“It is.”
I’d done some research online about drill instructor school because it made me feel closer to him to know what he was going through with this course. I could see how hard it was on him physically and mentally, so knowing the mission helped ease the sinking feeling in my gut whenever we met for dinner like this and he seemed so beaten down.
I’d read about how the school not only prepared them for the demands of drill instructor duty but also honed their skills so they’d be prepared to shape the future of the Marine Corps. It really did seem like a lot to put on their shoulders. While I knew Beau’s were strong enough to handle it—given everything he’d shouldered in his family life—I also worried about him for that same reason.
Beau hadn’t been able to be a big brother for very long. In fact, he barely remembered it except for the guilt he carried about his brother’s death. And even though his father was now—thankfully,though unsurprisingly to Beau, who’d never given up hope—in remission and doing well, I wondered if the idea of being turned into a role model for so many others messed with him more than he let on.
“You doing okay with that part?” I asked, bumping him with my shoulder. “You know, the idea of being a big-brother figure to all those kids?”
“Yeah, I am,” he said, looking over at me with the familiar sparkle in his eyes again. Even though I was still getting used to his painfully ragged voice, seeing he was still in there under the rougher exterior helped. Then he swallowed hard and looked away. “So uh, back to the marriage thing.”
I stilled. “What about it?”
He put down his salad and angled his body toward me on the blanket in the way he did when he was preparing to study my reaction to something. “It got me thinkin’.”
“Did it?”
“Yeah. I know I’m not leaving for another three years, so it’s not like I’m asking this because I want you to come with me.”
I cleared my throat, putting my own salad down and reaching for the end of my braid, my whole body on alert. “Askingwhat, exactly?”
“Just asking what your thoughts are on it, I guess. Marriage, that is. For logistical reasons.” He winked, making my stomach do somersaults even though thoughts of an impending proposal had been quelled.
“Right. Of course.”
“I was thinking about how when I’m a kill hat, I’m not going to have much free time. It’ll be hard to see each other if you’re living in Bluffton and I’m here.”
“But I can only live on base if we’re married,” I said, nodding slowly.
“Yeah. And you know, since I figured I already told you I wasn’t planning to let you go, I wondered if that was something you’d be open to before it had to happen when I got new orders.”
Narrowing my eyes at him, I did my best to control my facial expressions beyond that. But while it used to be so easy for me to slip on my mask around him, like I could with everyone else, months of being with Beau had made it so he was almost inside the force field with me. I couldn’t hide from him anymore.
Finally, I pursed my lips and gave him a pointed look. “This marriage conversation is very… business-arrangement sounding.”
A wide grin stretched over his handsome face as he pointed a finger between us. “You do know this all started with a contract pulled up on my laptop, right?”
“A contract that was pretty quickly discarded, if I remember correctly.”
He sputtered out a shocked laugh. “Um, excuse me, which part was discarded? I kept up my end of the deal to a T.”
“You kissed me way more than necessary at that wedding,” I teased him.
“Uh, yeah, but I distinctly remember you being the first one to kiss me when no one was looking.”
I sighed. “Got me there. That was a great kiss.”
He leaned forward and gave me a short peck. “They’re all great.”
“Anyway,” I said, pushing his shoulder with a laugh. “This all started as a business arrangement, but that doesn’t mean this whole proposal conversation should feel like one.”
At this, he laughed. “Ah, not the swoony book-boyfriend proposal of your dreams?”
“You said it was forlogistical reasons,” I deadpanned.
“Yeah, well, sometimes when it comes to military stuff that’s the way it has to start. Besides, as pretty as this little picnic is, I’m not planning to spring some big epic proposal on you without knowing your thoughts on it first. Or giving you time to think about it. I know you too well.”
