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ChapterEleven
MANDY
“Brian, I’m not asking you to come back into my life,” I pushed him away a little, unable to breathe with him so close. “That’s not why I came here.”
I didn’t want my heart shattered again, is what I should have said, but I couldn’t admit that to him. Not now.
“But, Mandy, please? I made a stupid mistake, I shouldn’t have let you. Let me explain? Please?” Brian’s pleading words were a whisper against my cheek as his lips slid to my ear.
I couldn’t form an answer, distracted by the feel of his lips on my skin, intoxicated by the smell of him so close to me, at last. It was what I’d secretly wanted but hadn’t allowed myself to hope for. The intimacy that I’d missed, the expert way he touched me, brought my body to life. Fuck, life had sucked without him in it. I almost snickered over that. Four months ago, I hated him. Now, here I was, lost in his touch, carrying his baby.
I’d come here looking for him to tell him I was pregnant, and then to leave. Yet, here I was with him so exquisitely close he could kiss me, have me any way he wanted me. If only I’d give in to him. “Explain what ? That you bested me, that you got a fuck out of me and that’s all you wanted? That you were finished with me once you’d made your conquest after all those years?”
That’s right, I said to myself, get angry and hold onto that anger.
“No, to explain to you that I didn’t want to drag you into the life my mother ran away from. That I didn’t want to see you get hurt in any way, but seeing you, smelling you,” he paused to inhale the scent of my shampoo, a scent he loved he’d told me, but then went on. “I can’t live a normal life without you here with me, Mandy. I drink myself to sleep, I work myself into the ground to keep you off my mind, I can’t do it anymore. I worry about you morning, noon, and night. I can’t have you so close, yet so far away. Especially if you’re having my baby. I need you where I know you’re safe, and that’s wherever I’m at, from now on.”
I pulled back, took his face in my hands, and narrowed my eyes at him. I was fairly good at spotting a lie, but I didn’t see one here. He held my gaze without looking away. I think he actually means it. “For real?”
“For real, Mandy. For always, if you’ll have me?” His eyebrows went up in question and I felt my breath come to a halt.
“You mean, marry you?” I frowned, not ready for that at all.
“Maybe not right now, if you don’t want to, but when you’re ready? Any day of the week.” He looked so incredibly…vulnerable. It was the only time I’d ever seen him like that, and it was a sight that tore at my heart. I don’t think anyone has witnessed him like this since he was a kid.
“Okay, we can try. But only try, Brian. Fuck off again like that and it’s done, do you understand me?” I spoke sternly, hoping he believed me. I couldn’t do this, let myself in deeper, and not shatter completely. If he ever left me again, I don’t think I’d recover. I have too many feelings for the guy, and I’d missed him so damned much.
“Forgive me?” Brian asked. “Forgive me and I swear, I’ll never break your heart again.”
I stared at him, unwilling to admit yet that he had, even he knew he had. Maybe later, when I was more secure in our relationship, but for now? Guarded was the word.
“Do you deserve to be forgiven, Brian?” I challenged him, my face a stern mask as he looked back at me with his clear green eyes that I loved so much it hurt.
“I think I do. I did it to protect you, not to be a prick. Plus, I know what really gets you off, Mandy.” His expression changed, became hot and hungry.
I didn’t move as he leaned forward, his lips barely touching mine.
“And you give the best head I’ve ever had. Won’t you let me feel those lips of yours around my dick again? I’ve missed you so much.” Each word was a kiss, each breath a touch that stoked the fire within me. I couldn’t move away, didn’t want to move away.
“Okay,” I breathed against his lips, my body ready for so much more in an instant. “Okay, Brian, one more try.”
Brian pulled me so that my legs wrapped around his waist while his lips brushed against my cheek. “That’s all I ask, Mandy. One more try.”
Need flooded into my veins, into every muscle as I felt him against me. We’d barely touched longer than a few minutes, but I could already feel the urge to drop my clothes and let him take me wherever he wanted to go.
I’d learned over that long week that I couldn’t help myself when I was near him. There was no point in even trying, I’d fail every time. I should have known that when I came here. I hoped I wouldn’t regret the decision my body made for me, but the promises in his eyes told me I wouldn’t.
I shuddered with pleasure when his hands slid under the shirt I had on, his fingers swiping over my abdomen and up my ribs. I had on a thin bra, the only thing I could stand right now, a little worried about what would happen when he touched my breasts. They were so sore.
I winced when he grasped the right globe, pulling away a little. Brian jerked his hand back as if he’d burned me.
“What’s wrong?” The light green of his eyes was already darkening, and I knew he was already turned on.
“Nothing, they’re just a little sore. Be easy, that’s all.” I pushed my chest out, wanting his touch, even if it came with a little bit of pain.
“I will,” he promised, and pushed me back gently. “Let me try this way.”
My legs were around his hips, so I was tucked intimately into his body, when his hands moved up together, to gently take my breasts into his hands. There was an ache, but then that warmth, that thrill of being touched, flared to life and the pain became pleasure. “Harder.”
