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I feel a hand on my shoulder and thank you Jesus for Sarah. Her hand on my shoulder is the only thing centering me and keeping my breathing controlled enough to keep from passing out.
Small mercies I suppose.
“Jade? Honey, are you okay? Do you need to sit down?” She’s worried about me; I can tell by the tone of her voice but questions aren't helping right now. In my head I keep going through all the possibilities which could be wrong with myself, the baby, Bass, my life. Every illness I ever read about on google, every fuck up I’ve made to predispose my kid to some kind of trauma. I can’t do this. I can't find out whether I fucked up my kid already. Not today. Not on a day where I am expected to pretend like life is perfect because it is my birthday.
Fuck. All. Of. This.
Without a word I take off, out the door, and towards the front of the office. Vaguely I can hear the nurses calling after me asking me if I’m okay. If I were fine do you think I would be running away dipshits? I fucking hate everyone right now. It's not their fault, it's not anyone's fault, not really anyway. I just can't deal with this today. I reach the outside of the building and breathe in the fresh air around me. There must be a food vendor nearby because all I inhale, on that first breath, is the scent of grease and spice, a combination that is fucking with my stomach. I quickly turn, desperately looking around for the nearest trash I can vomit into.
Once I come up for air, I dig in my purse for the mouthwash and tissues I’ve started carrying around with me since I’ve been puking on demand these last few weeks. Sarah caught up with me while my head was half in the trash can mid puke. She is standing there waiting for me to be done. I look up at her and finally speak after being practically mute since I started to have the mini panic attack in the office. “I’m not going back up there. I can’t.”
“No one said you had to, child. I am here for you with whatever you need. May that be moral support or to drive the getaway car.” She winks at me and pulls out her keys twirling them around, “Now how about we table this conversation to a less monumental day and get you that cupcake I know you’ve been craving since we drove by the shop on the way here.”
“That sounds like a plan,” I say, rubbing my stomach, “This kid is going to make me so fat by the time it gets here if I keep giving into every craving.”
“Live a little, it's your birthday! Plus if my grandbaby wants cake, my grandbaby is getting cake!”
It is fucking settled then, getting my ass a cupcake.
???
Today’s been one of the most overwhelming days I’ve had in quite some time, which is why I wanted something low key. Apparently in rich people lingo, that translates into a rager with just a meek eighty people, you know close friends and family. However, the overjoyed look on Sebastian's face as he walked me into mysurpriseparty, kept me from ripping him a new one for inviting people I can’t fucking stand. I call it progress.
At least he had enough common sense to make sure Kinsley wasn’t to make an appearance. But after the fiasco at school on Thursday, when she flipped my lunch tray out of my hand and I proceeded to slam the slice of cherry pie I caught into her face, if only I had a bat instead, it’s in her best interest if she just fell off the face of the earth, or at least into some bottomless ditch after that embarrassment. I’ll have to remember to wish for that too as I blow out my candles.
“I’m done walking on eggshells around you Jade, God I’m so fucking tired of waiting for you to get your head out of your ass and forgive me!” Scarlett shouts out, in the middle of my crowded party, appearing out of fucking nowhere. Of course, as expected the onlookers are quick to turn, hushing their voices, and circling in to make sure they catch thetea.
Leave it to Scarlett to ambush me at my fucking birthday party and force me to speak to her. It's been one of the shitiest days of my life. I had a panic attack at my first doctor's appointment and I can’t even stand here and listen to her scream at me without wanting to puke out the bile left in my stomach since I still can't keep anything down. Here comes my fucking cupcake.
Fuck this shit I am so done with the puking part of this pregnancy. Maybe I should have stuck around and asked the doctor when that part will be over because google hasn't been much help.
My sister's eyes turn glossy and clear blue as her face places in anger. She’s at the point of passing out in rage right after she goes all brutal savage on my ass. I roll my eyes ignoring her, turning to walk away, avoiding the fiasco that is sure to follow the moment we start arguing. Our fights were few, but they were never pretty. “Did you not fucking hear me or are you not only mute but also deaf?” Scar continues, pulling me back by my shoulder. I tried to ignore her, I swear I really did, but now she’s fucking pissed me off.
I quickly turn, stepping forward and meeting my sister with an equally taunting glare. All she gave me was an hour, one hour to enjoy my birthday party without her damn badgering. One fucking hour spent with my friends before she turned this and made it about herself. “I’m sorry I must have lost the brochure that stated how long was too long to be mad at mysisterfor not telling me she knew where mybrotherwas, a brotherwhom I’ve spent years wishing I’d see again,” I utter, pushing at her chest making sure to leave out the part of the murder. No need for all my classmates to know just how screwed up I really am. Dead mommy is one thing, dead daddy makes two, but killer brother, well that shit might just be strike three that gets me committed.
“I’ve apologized countless times Jade. I don’t know what else to do.” Her mood quickly shifts from volatile to regretful, eyes suddenly crestfallen silently pleading for an answer, any answer to end this pathetic feud. I know I need to end it, I need my sister now more than ever but tonight, I’m just not ready for all that is to follow. The questions, the emotional downfall, I’m not ready to admit to anyone what I’ve gotten myself into.
“Nothing Scar, that’s the thing. There’s nothing you can do. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to move on from this, I mean I would have expected it from him,” I say, pointing to Sebastian who stands to my right, “From anyone honestly, but never from you.”
“How can you forgive him, but not me?” Scar shouts, now clearly angrier than hurt. Sebastian steps forward and in her direction, but Ace is quick to do the same, shielding Scarlett from whatever snide remark Bass was about to throw at her. Great, the last thing I need is for those two to also have a falling out because of me. I’m sure things between them are already awkward since theirgirlsare not speaking. I don’t need this petty drama. I have enough shit I need to worry about.
“It’s not about forgiving Scar, you know I forgive you, for everything, but it’s about forgetting and moving past it. You know firsthand how hard it is for me to trust someone, after all the shitty relationships I’ve had in the past, starting with my father and brother, and yet you risked protecting him,” I look over to where Ace has now moved to stand protectively beside her, “Over trusting me.”
“It was never about that Jade, I just couldn’t…”
“Please Scarlett,” I murmur, interrupting her, “Just please not here.”
“Jade, please just listen to me I promise I’ll tell you absolutely everything, I just need a chance to explain, I’m begging you Jade.” She reaches out to grab my arm and her touch is too much.
Unable to hide my emotions any longer and not wanting to have a full-blown mental breakdown in the middle ofmybirthday party, I pull away from her, pushing Bass out of my way as I turn and head into the beach house knowing well enough she’s following behind me, but not caring enough to tell her to stop. Or maybe what I really hope is that she’ll follow me and force me to get over whatever it is that’s come over me.
Once inside, I lead us upstairs and into Bass’s bedroom, the only room I know will be empty since everyone knows the guy’s rooms are off limits at these parties. I hear the door close behind us and know it’s just the two of us.
“Jade,” she whispers, the door suddenly opening behind us. I turn and see Bass and Ace have followed us and are now standing inside the room with equally worried and frustrated expressions. “Talk to me Jade, we want to help you, we need you to hear us out, hear me out, let me explain.” Seeing the three of them there, looking at me as if I’m the one to blame for the strain between us, as if I’m the one that needs to get over it, to forgive, forget, and move on, makes me so fucking mad.
Next thing I know, I snap. Not able to withhold everything I’m feeling, I break, “Why is it so hard for you to understand that not everyone has to do what the almighty Scarlett Steele says,” I mock, laughing as I raise my hands in frustration. “I’m not Ace, I’m not Drake, I’m not so utterly blinded by the love I feel for you that I can’t see past all of the flaws and mistakes. Past the betrayals and treachery, tell me sister, did Damon ever forgive you for sleeping with Ace just days, if not hours, after you broke it off with him? Does Ace know you only did it to help me find information on my brother.” Her jaw drops, eyes wide and glossy as she watches me with a look of betrayal at my words. Ace protectively shifts to grip her shoulders proving in fact at least he’s forgiven her for everything.
That was a low blow on my part, I knew it the moment the words left my lips, but I’m just so fucking tired of everyone else making themselves out to be the victim. The audacity of believing it's all so easily swept under the bridge. Like I told her I would expect no less from Sebastian, he never made any promises to me, never swore to be by my side through it all, but Scar, it was to be just the two of us, forever and always. I guess it just hurts to see that was also a lie.
